Every time I break up with a girl, it’s because I’ve made a terrible mistake…
Even though I don’t consider myself a “Bad Boy” heart-breaker, I have a terrible and chronic tendency… Every time I fall for a girl hard enough to commit myself to her exclusively, I realize three months later that I’ve made a terrible mistake and I’m breaking up with a girl… OOPS!
It’s too early to be tired of her, but too late to go for an open relationship… What to do?
A relationship break up SUCKS. This is one of the most emotionally (and logistically) difficult situations to handle in all of dating. And yes, it can be even harder than initiating open relationships. Whether you feel mistreated, the sex isn’t good any more, she cheats on you, or any other of the multitude of reasons that you could have to break up with somebody, you NEED to know WHY, WHEN, and HOW to go about breaking up with a girl. I’ve got some break up advice for you.
So You Like Her.
I’m going to assume that you REALLY LIKE this girl (or at least, that you did at one point). I feel comfortable assuming this because if you went into an exclusive relationship with a girl, you better have had a damn good emotional incentive; you better be (or have been) really into her. Otherwise, you’re an absolute idiot, and you need a relationship break up immediately and work on your abundance before attempting another relationship. Otherwise, you’re just headed for another relationship break up.
When Should You Break Up?
While there are thousands of reasons to make a relationship work if you really like a woman and she really likes you, there are also a number of reasons why you should be breaking up with a girl. Before I go into these, it is important to note that, while you should never be a dick to a woman, you should also not be “stoic” or stay with her for any reason other than the way that she makes you feel. Don’t stay with her just because you feel trapped or like you “have” to be with her. A relationship break up is better than feeling trapped.
That being said, whether a bitch done crossed the line or you just don’t feel the same way about her, here’s some break up advice about when to move on:
1. Major boundary infractions. You shouldn’t be breaking up with a girl because she accidentally flakes on you once or she makes fun of an outfit you wear. However, if she crosses a major line that you defined previously in the relationship, you should break up with her. An example of this is, if she cheats on you and you guys DON’T have an open relationship, fucking dump her ass. Don’t expect her to change. Just cut your losses and dip.
2. Long-term minor boundary infractions. While you shouldn’t be breaking up with a girl just because she makes a mistake, her repeated failure to satisfy your needs after you have raised the issue is definitely grounds for a breakup. Take the flaking example; if a girl flakes on me once, no big. If it becomes a chronically recurrent habit, dump that broad. Don’t put up with anything less than you deserve.
3. Times change. Sometimes, as time passes, you just won’t feel the same way about a girl any more. Depending on how long you guys have been together, I would say that your response should vary. For instance, if you’re not feeling it after a month, just break up with her. However, if you guys have been together for a while, try to make it work first. Be honest with yourself and don’t trick yourself into believing that you’re falling back in love with her if it just isn’t happening, but if you can rekindle what you felt earlier in the relationship, then it’s worth salvaging.
4. You found someone else. If you’ve found someone else that you like better, don’t be a dick and drag it out. Decide who you like better, and pick that person. If it’s someone that ISN’T your girlfriend, then you need to apologize to her and stop avoiding breaking up with a girl.
5. Logistics. This reason for breaking up sucks dick, but it’s definitely valid. If you have a priority that is higher in your life than her (say, your job) and logistics get in the way (for instance, you have to move to New York and you live in LA), and it won’t work out, then just end it while it’s still on a good note.
While this list is by no means exhaustive, these are the 5 most common reasons for breaking up with a girl. HOW to break up, however, is a different matter altogether…
How Should You Break Up?
This is honestly something that is difficult to teach across the board, because each relationship break up is so unique. As a result, you kind of have to use your own judgement. However, I’ll provide some general break up advice that you can follow under most situations when breaking up with a girl.
1. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t backburner breaking up if you feel that it is what you need to do. Like an untreated wound, it will only get worse over time. Instead, take action like a man and just handle that shit so you can move on with your life. In the end, it will be better for you AND for her if you just go through with breaking up with a girl instead of avoiding it. One of the cardinal rules of being a true PUA gentleman is to always leave the girl better than you found her.
2. Take it seriously. You hear all the time about people breaking up with each other through text, Facebook, or even just word of mouth. Don’t do this shit. No girl will respect you for this. No matter what the reason is for your breakup, have the respect and cojones to say it to her face. Never initiate a relationship breakup online.
3. Let her know why. Girls are fucking neurotic. We all know they are, so I’m just going to be honest about it. As a result, they desperately need to know WHY. As in, “WHY is he breaking up with me? BAWWW!” Even if you don’t have a good reason, give her something concrete so that she can sleep a little bit more easily at night.
4. Apologize. If there’s something that you did wrong, or if you feel it’s appropriate, apologize. When you’re breaking up with a girl, it is important to clear the air between you two. While it is difficult to just clear everything up at once as emotional wounds take time to heal, apologizing is a good place to start.
5. Give her space. The most retarded thing I’ve seen a guy do after breaking up with a girl is to be needy towards her. Like “I’m leaving you. Can I have a kiss? Are you okay? Give me a hug. Want to hang out sometime?” This shit is so dumb that I can’t even believe it happens. Just give her space. If you want to make her a friend or fuckbuddy or whatever, wait a while until you re-initiate.
As I said, these rules are certainly not hard-and-fast, but rather general guidelines to follow during a relationship break up. Use your own discretion.
If you followed my advice and got yourself out of a bad situation but just can’t figure out how to get back into the dating game, check out one of our bootcamps and I’ll help kick your ass back into dating shape.