White Male Privilege in Dating: The Asian Man’s Guide To Winning An Unfair Game

By JT Tran

A while back my good friend and wing woman Sarah Ann posted an article about the Victoria’s Secret model Cameron Russell and TED talk about how being white and beautiful gave her a privileged and entitled lifestyle.

In the following days, I witnessed a good deal of discussion on Facebook surrounding this article. Some of it was good, some of it was bad, but we all agreed on one thing – white privilege is here and Asian men are paying the price.

White privilege is rampant in our culture – so much so, it almost defines America. While we Asian men are not being lynched or owned as slaves, Whites still hold an inordinate amount of power over non-Whites, and especially Asian men, in many facets of society. This isn’t me just whining because I’m not a White guy in America and boo-hoo, another rant on racism, so everybody feel bad for the Asian guy.

This isn’t just an opinion.

This is a fact.

But what exactly is White privilege? Huffington Post says it best:

“In critical race theory, white privilege is a set of advantages that are believed to be enjoyed by white people beyond those commonly experienced by non-white people in the same social, political, and economic spaces (nation, community, workplace, income, etc.). Theorists differentiate it from racism or prejudice because, they say, a person who may benefit from white privilege is not necessarily racist or prejudiced and may be unaware of having any privileges reserved only for whites.”

In other words, you don’t have to be racist to enjoy White privilege – you just have to be White.

This is usually the part where I’ve offended people. “But JT,” an offended White person may interject, “I’m White, and I don’t have White privilege. I wasn’t aware that they were handing out free Lamborghinis and babes to all Whites. Why are you saying I have it easy when my life actually sucks? You don’t know me, so STFU!”

So to those who are confused as to what White privilege actually means, let me expound on the matter. As Peggy McIntosh of Wellesly explains in her White privilege checklist, White privilege is exemplified in many ways that are unseen to the beneficiary. Whites can, for example, drive nice cars and no one will suspect they stole it due to their race. They can be good at Math and no one will write off their years of hard work, saying “it’s just in their genes, their race is naturally smart”. Whites can watch TV or go to the movies and see their race prominently portrayed in an array of roles, such as the good guy or the sexy stud who gets the buxom blonde babe, while Asian guys are lucky if they get casted at all (even for originally Asian roles!), much less portrayed as taking part in AMWF dating. They crack open History books and see their race plastered all over as doing heroic and epic things, all the time, while other races are relegated to mere months.

The bottom line? Whites have the capability to live life without experiencing what we as minorities face every day: the questioning of our existence in this country, and if we mean anything more than just a skin color or nation of origin in this Euro-centric society.

Or, as McIntosh says bluntly:

“[it’s] an invisible package of unearned assets, which I can count on cashing in each day, but about which I was meant to remain oblivious.”

If that doesn’t clear things up a bit, Louis CK, the standup comedian, puts it hilariously:

“I love being White. I really do. I’m not saying that white people are better. I’m saying that being white is clearly better. Who could even argue? Here’s how great it is to be white. I could get in a time machine and go to any time and it would be fuckin’ awesome when I get there. That is exclusively a white privilege. Black people can’t fuck with time machines. A black guy and a time machine is like: ‘Hey, I think before 1980, no thank you, I don’t wanna go.’ Now if you’re white and you don’t admit that it’s great, you’re an asshole. It is great. And I’m a man! How many advantages could one person have? I’m a white man…you can’t even hurt my feelings! What can you really call a white man that really digs deep? ‘Hey Cracker.’ ‘Oh, ruined my day. Boy, shouldn’t called me a cracker, bringing me back, owning land and people, what a drag. ‘”

White privilege is plastered all over media. Take, for example, the last five Hollywood blockbusters you saw. Or ten. Or all of them. Chances are, there was a White, male hero, saving the day and the beautiful women.

In fact, as I write this, the #1 movie in America is “Wolverine” which is about Hugh Jackman going to Japan and- I’m quoting Wall Street Journal writer Jeff Yang here-

“[he] goes to Japan to kill all the Japanese men so he can end up with all the Japanese women. “

If there wasn’t a White guy being bad and buff, there was a Black guy doing the job, because “racism is bad and Blacks are the only other race that exists outside White people, so let’s throw them a bone to get the NAACP off our backs”. Other than martial arts movies and foreign films, there is nary an Asian-American man to be seen as the savior of the world and buxom blonde babes.

It doesn’t end there. Look at the recent explosion of K-pop onto the American scene. While there are a handful of fans that go gaga over all the boy bands, most Americans didn’t know K-pop existed until Psy’s ultra-hit, Gangnam Style. Why was he so readily accepted when other catchy tunes produced by Big Bang or Se7en, who actually released an English album produced by DarkChild of Pussycat Dolls fame, were ignored? Because he was non-threatening and didn’t challenge White male privilege, making him a loveable oaf any man would trust their girlfriend around.

So what does this have to do with AMWF dating?

Because we live in this society that values White privilege, Asian-Americans have to work even harder than Whites for the same reward. From salaries to dating sites, Asian-American men must make more and have to prove themselves more than your average White man. Even universities like UCLA require higher SAT scores for Asians than Whites to be accepted – remember that the next time your White buddies complain about Affirmative Action and how it supposedly doesn’t benefit them.

As an Asian-American man on the dating scene, I know what it’s like to feel the iron grip of White privilege. Sarah already discussed why traditional dating tips don’t work for Asian men, but let me tell you a personal story while we’re getting friendly here. I once approached a group of girls and, with one of my BLP techniques, turned a nice blonde away from her friends and tried to introduce myself to her. I was surprised to see that this blonde was actually an Asian woman, and even moreso when she interrupted me with an abrupt “I don’t date Asians” and turned back to her friends and laughed.

In that same night, I was talking to this beautiful woman and things were going pretty well, when this jock muscled his way over, put his arm around my shoulders and said to her “you don’t want this guy,” as he drunkenly pointed at me “because he’s got a small dick.”

The saddest thing about this story is that, as an Asian-American man, you probably immediately related, remembering instances where this has happened to you. You have felt times when the game is stacked against you because you’re an Asian-American guy in an unforgiving White society, where we are cast off to the side and forgotten.

Since this is a country where the majority is White, both in actuality and psychologically, Whites are taught to feel like they own the place. They will never have the thought “it’s because I’m White” when they are turned down by a woman of their own race. They will never be teased about their race’s masculinity to the extent that some women refuse to date them. They will never know what it’s like to be an Asian-American guy, like you or me, just wanting to break the Bamboo Ceiling hanging over us and be seen as a person worthy of AMWF dating and not as a goofy, unsexy immigrant.

What’s the worst thing about White privilege? When White men know about it and exploit it to death. Just google “PUA Asian women” and you’ll find dating tips calling for “simple guides to dating Asian women” and “how to date Asian women in 3 easy steps” and other nonsensical garbage like that. One thing all of them have in common is the gross misunderstanding and/or manipulation of White male privilege. Many well known PUA gurus exclusively target Asian FOBs in order to artificially inflate their sense of self-worth and “number” in order to feel that they’ve achieved mastery over women, when in fact it’s not their superior “game” or “social skills, its just that they have first world advantages that someone from the third world would gravitate to.

Some PUAs even train their students to specifically seek out Asian guys to AMOG, labeling us as weak and easy targets. Honing their skills to date Asian women while taking the ones Asian men are talking to from right under our noses? If that doesn’t make you want to punch a baby, I don’t know what else will. In the very least, it should make you want to change the system, because enough of that fucking bullshit.

So what can we do about White privilege in the dating scene? Each one of us must be willing to step out of our comfort zones and show confidence, even if we don’t have it at that moment. As the saying goes “fake it ’til you make it”. If a guy comes over and uses racism to AMOG you, as in the instance I described, don’t stand there and take it. Don’t slink away and let him win, because that’s what he expects you to do. Instead, say something back or move the conversation elsewhere. One of our writers on our sister blog AMWW Magazine, Huggable Heather, has had this happen to her when she was out with her Asian beau. Her response?

“Dude, I know he’s got a great dick, but he’s not gay, so while we appreciate the interest in his dick, go try some other guy if you want to get it in the ass tonight.”

Not all of you are going to have a girl with you to jump in and take your side, but no respectable woman is going to feel comfortable around racism, so don’t let it win. Using anti-AMOGing tactics and BLP techniques, you can pre-emptively avoid such incidents with relative ease. In the event that you aren’t able to foresee a racist AMOG-attack, make a comment like the one above or something to that extent. Whatever you say, DON’T let him get away with it – it only perpetuates his privileged logic (or lack thereof).

White privilege is not something we are going to see die – it will follow us to our graves, and we have the painful misfortune of knowing this while many Whites remain blissfully unaware. We can, however, take action in our own lives and guide White privilege in a different direction. We can let Whites know that we aren’t going to be AMOGed just because we’re Asian men.

We can have enough AMWF dating to let them know White men aren’t the only ones capable of being confident. And, yes, we can even date and sleep with enough of them so that they, too, can know what utter bullshit that small dick rumor is.

But the most important thing is that we have to do something. If we stand idly by and continue to let White privilege hold us by the balls, we will be condemning ourselves to a life of misery and regret, especially in the dating arena. Instead, we should be calling to arms, bearing confidence, charisma, and self-esteem, and fighting White privilege in a battle royale. Most importantly, we need to remember that, as Asian men:

we ARE strong

we ARE empowered

we ARE human beings

…and we can do our best to ensure that White privilege doesn’t stand in the way of our love, life, and the pursuit of happiness.