The seduction of a woman that catches your eye can be broken down into a series of learnable steps starting with A and ending at F (What we call the Phases of the ABCs of Attraction). The first rung of which is ‘A – Attitude, Attract & Approach’.
In this article, we will go over the different types of approaches (Indirect vs Direct Game) available to us (future articles will address your Attitude and how you can Attract her even before you Approach her to the D-Phase, being Dominant showing Direct Intent and then Disqualifying).
Internalize these and formulate specific examples of each to use on your own, in the field. Combine these personalized openers with next month’s more advanced article, “What to say and how to say it”, and you’ll be an approach monster.
Approaching can be broken into two main categories: the Indirect Approach and the Direct Approach. Referred to as such on account of their delivery (of both the line and the intent), they are both useful in their own ways. The verbal components of each approach is the ice breaker, the so-called “pickup line”, or Indirect Opener and the it’s opposite, the Direct Opener.
The use of openers- be they indirect or direct- is predicated primarily on your personality and the time, place, and circumstances of the woman. But for the here and now, let’s just break down each type of opener first.
Indirect Openers are a great tool for those just breaking into the art of meeting women for the indirect approach. These indirect openers allow you to talk to her without conveying that you’re interested or triggering her “This dude is hitting on me” alarm.
Over many years of women being tactlessly hit on by Average Frustrated Chumps (AFCs, for short), beautiful women naturally develop what is known as a Bitch Shield in order to deflect weak and obvious attempts to ‘pick her up’. Chances are, anytime you’ve gotten the “I have a boyfriend” line right off the bat, it was her bitch shield in action. The indirect opener is a great way around this, because who is going to offer up the ol’ boyfriend line if a guy turns to you and says, “Is my tie on straight?” It wouldn’t make sense.
Indirect openers can be further broken down into two categories: Opinion Openers and Situational Openers.
- Opinion Openers, made famous by the best-selling pickup artist bible “The Game” by Neil Strauss, are great ways to get women thinking and interacting with you. These are perfect conversation starters to get you in the door and to find out where you stand from the beginning. These can range anywhere from something simple (“Does this shirt make me look gay?”) to longer and more elaborate openers (the “Who lies more; women or men?” opener). While they are great methods to spark long and involved conversations, these are difficult in loud clubs or bars, where the energy is high and people are partying. Forget about using it on the dancefloor.
- Situational Openers are just that. They are openers generated by the situation at hand. Whether it is a Starbucks or a bar, elements from which to draw reasonable conversation are always present. At the ABCs of Attraction, we call these openers Ninjitsu because it takes a combination of courage, confidence and situational awareness to execute properly (the ninja PUA!). Though it may sound simple and look like a piece of cake when done by professionals, it takes a true ninja to master the art of the situational opener. “Does this bartender always take this long?” or “Can you point me in the direction of the puzzle store?” are great examples of basic, situational questions to ask. Keep in mind that Situational Openers aren’t limited to questions, either. A witty comment can often spark up a conversation, as well, but beware that these can be commonly ignored or, worse yet, answered by a half-hearted smirk and a back turn.
In the case of all indirect openers, questions are always the best route, as people are socially obligated to answer. Questions like “Do you know what time it is?” and “Which way to the nearest Starbucks?” are innocent enough to garner a response from anyone, whether or not they know you’re interested.
Direct Openers are the pride and joy of any accomplished PUA. As I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, this kind of opener displays interest to a girl right off the bat. The direct opener can be extremely useful in highly sexual situations, or when a woman is already attracted to you. A successful direct approach will skip much of the ice-breaking stage and put your intentions right on the table.
There are two main types of Direct Openers: Verbal and Nonverbal.
Direct Verbal Openers are the balls-to-the-wall direct approaches. We call them Kamikaze Openers because they either get you instant attraction, or you crash and burn. Walking up to a cute girl and saying, “I think you’re absolutely gorgeous and I can’t wait to wake up with you” is an excellent example of a Direct Verbal Opener, and I’m sure you can see why it could crash and burn if not executed in just the right way.
My personal favorite is the Fucking Kamikaze. To wit, you simply go up to a girl and say, “You are fucking adorable.” Or just fucking plus adjective. Simple and to the point with no beating around the bush (pun intended).
Direct Nonverbal Openers are a favorite of my Certified Coach, Gareth Jones. This simply involves expressing direct interest in a girl without using words. I know what you’re thinking and, yes, thrusting your hips at a girl would technically count as a Direct Nonverbal Opener, but I wouldn’t recommend doing it. Gareth’s favorite is to simply make solid eye contact with a girl across the room and give her the ‘Come hither’ finger.
Hesitant though they may be, I have never seen a girl not intrigues and attracted by his approach. Again, this takes perfect execution and balls of steel, but this direct approach can be eventually mastered by anyone. A simple wave, smile and gesture for her to come over like you actually know her already is a great way to engage in a conversation without that awkward “getting to know you” icebreakers.
And here’s one final golden nugget that’s field tested, APB approved.
THE BOOMERANG: While we all get approach anxiety, there’s no such thing as Re-Approach Anxiety. I mean, you’ve already talked to the girl, right? So let’s say you’ve casually chatted up a gorgeous lady and then you run into her later that night. It’s 2AM and she’s about to leave the party and you still haven’t gotten her digits. How do you do make that strong second impression when you let the original conversation stutter and die out?
Use the Boomerang! Simply go up to her and say, “Oh my god, I almost made a HUGE mistake tonight… I was talking to a beautiful girl… and I forgot to introduce myself… Hi, my name’s JT.” (If you’ve already introduced herself, substitute with something else like I didn’t ask her to dance with me, or sit down with me, or have a smoke with me, or have a drink with me, etc.)
BAM said the lady!
Now that you have four different examples of indirect openers and direct openers and ways to talk to women as well as how to re-initiate a conversation with someone you’ve already approached, go out and do it! At the bar, in the elevator, at the casino; these examples will work anywhere in the world, under any circumstances, so there are no excuses not to experiment.
Next month, I’ll give some more specific examples of openers and we’ll discuss the appropriate body language to use with them. Your mission this month, if you choose to accept it, is to try using these different types of openers in your daily life.
Remember, you can’t win if you don’t play the game. As the great Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”