Passive Value is one of my most favorite aspects of the game. For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about, passive value is the value that you display before you begin actively gaming a woman.
This is the 360-degree display of your value that is developed beforehand (or faked in-field IF you’re still in the training wheels phases of learning newbiedom), making the amount of game you have to run significantly less.
- Body Language
- Social Proof
Think about celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio; all they have to do is exist in a club and women will be attracted to them. Why? Because they have proven their worth through their accomplishments (film, TV, music, etc.) and the popularity, wealth, and power that comes from those accomplishments is public knowledge, thereby making them (through their passive value) extremely attractive.
Of course, we’re not all super-famous celebrities, so we have to do a bit more work in order to NOT look like a:
- A lonely and desperate guy!
This includes proper body language, proper attire, and other simple, but important, elements. Whenever I’m out with my students, I spend quite a bit of time focusing on this because I believe that it can truly make or break your opener.
Without further ado, I’m going to highlight three things that you don’t think about when you’re out on a sarge and give you ways to fix them so that you can appear nonchalant, fun, and interesting to the women you’re about to approach and hopefully NOT creepy.
#1: Stop Leaning Against The Bar
Again, something that guys are NOTORIOUS for doing and one of the primary things that makes a guy look like a predator. If you were there to have fun with your friends, why are you scanning the crowd, looking for something? You wouldn’t be.
You would be smiling and laughing with your friend(s), telling great stories and not caring about everyone around you. Watch how girls interact with their friends and learn from it. Remember that your wing should be the most fun and interesting person in your life (or PRETEND he is) and, that way, when a girl gives you the casual walk-by, your “Hey, quick question. My friend and I were just talking about…” will seem realistic.
Believe it or not, girls do think,
“No, you weren’t. You’ve been standing there looking at the crowd for 10 minutes.”
Solution: Squaring off (i.e. bodies directly facing each other), parallel to the bar, will make you look like you just ordered a drink and got caught up in conversation. Square off with your wing and tell some funny stories to pass the time. I’ll tell you how to keep an eye out for the hotties next, but stay fun, light-hearted and engaged. Women want to meet guys that have better things to do than pick up girls (ironically), so show them that you’re not there to pick up girls (even if you are) by having fun with your wing in the interim.
Exception: Here’s a quote by our long term training coach Gareth Jones,
“Do not lean up against the bar unless you are talking to a girl, in which case you should nothing BUT lean up against the bar.”
#2: Stop Looking Around
This is HUGE for me, and something I always have to hammer into the heads of my students. When you look around, you look like a lone predator out to get laid, not like the guy that’s out to have fun with his friends. You know when you see that girl all by herself, looking around and it sets off that “GO GET HER!” instinct in your head?
Yeah, girls see it, too, but it sets off their “That guy is a predator or creep” instinct, instead. When you’re looking around for girls to open, all the girls you’re ignoring because they’re with their boyfriends are seeing you looking like a predator and are putting you in the “Wouldn’t” category. Maybe you don’t care about them, but when they point you out to their single friend that just came back from the bathroom, you’ve just blown yourself out of that set.
Solution: Use your peripheral vision to spot targets: Look over his shoulder, while he looks over yours then, when your target is spotted, you can make your move straight away. You can even have him spot targets for you, or the other way around.
#3: Stop Being Too Cool for School (ie Asian Poker Face)
Again, one of the most important things I teach. For any of you that have taken a program with us, you know that we are beasts about forcing you to smile. I could rattle off facts about endorphins being released when you smile, thus making you feel better, or about how smiling at a woman causes her to smile at you, which makes you more attractive to every other woman (!!), but I’m not gonna.
I’m simply going to ask how you can tell if a guy is having fun with his friend(s) at a bar and how you can tell that he’s confident, at ease, and comfortable: His Smile. Exactly.
The point of passive value is to show that your default (non-creepy) personality is attractive to a woman and, since we all know that confidence is the most attractive quality about a man, our job is to show that we’re confident in every method that we can.
Who’s more confident: the guy threatening to pound on some dude, or the one smiling, telling him to relax? Who’s more confident: the guy with a frown on his face, alone at the bar, or the guy with a smile, chatting with his buddy? Exactly.
Solution: Smile. Just do it. In times of crippling fear or overwhelming uncertainty: smile. In boring or underwhelming times: smile. In times of extreme anger: Smile. If you’re still having trouble, just say the word, “COOKIES!” or “YEAH!”
Saying the words themselves will force you to form a smile. BAM said the lady!
There you go! Those are the three most common detractors from passive value that I run into over and over again. Take this article to heart, because it has the power to transform the success (and the fun) that you have in the club.