I receive thousands of emails from my fans asking for interracial dating advice for Asian men and the #1 question that gets asked is, “How do I know if she (usually a white girl, but not always) is interested in dating Asian men?”
As your Asian Dating Coach, however, I’m finally answering the question simply because its been asked so many times ad naseum. I’m finally going to put it to bed for the first and last time despite my misgivings.
I was recently reminded of this controversial topic (and I’ll cover the reason why it’s so controversial extensively at the bottom) on one of my many flights training men in the art of attraction when I sat next to a very pretty, blonde and bubbly California surfer kind of girl.
In our conversation, she made many of the verbal indicators of interest that I’ve heard in the past and that I’ve come to recognize as flirtatious signals from a woman when she’s attracted specifically to Asian men (and therefore to the likes of you and I).
This is admittedly a rarer form of reverse Yellow Fever fraught with it’s own dangers and one in which I’ll go more into detail in my next article about single, white females who intentionally exploit Asian men.
So here is a list of some of the things these girls will consciously do in order to let me know they want a samurai in shining armor (and while I use the term white female, the truth is other women from African American to Latin American, will also use the same flirting signals):
10 Signs a Girl is Attracted to Asian Men
- She “Knows” an Asian language:Maybe you’ve seen this type – they put Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc. under “languages you know” on Facebook (or put on an Chinese/Asian tramp stamp) even though they really only know how to order pho.Should you encounter these loquacious ladies, gentlemen, I propose an awesome sexual bantering tip because every woman wants to be cultured. You, as a cosmopolitan man of the world, are going to teach her a phrase in your language. Here’s an example for you Chinese speakers.First, act very serious and say something like, “Let me teach you something. You’ll find this useful in the far reaches in my country. Say this: Wo xi huan gou pa shi.”Make her repeat it. Then she’ll ask “What did I say?”And you’ll say (in the most PLAYFUL tone and smile you can manage) “You just said ‘I like it doggy-style!’” But then go from playful to romantic. After she laughs off her embarrassment, use your phrases to compliment her.Teach her “Wo hao xi huan ni de xiao” and, after she repeats it, she’ll ask again. You’ll say, “It means ‘I really like your laugh.’”And she’ll laugh again. Keep going but turn it from playful to romantic. “You have beautiful eyes,” or “Your smile is amazing,” are flirtatious phrases shrouded in a learning experience.Girls who have had the pleasure of this situation tell me it’s unique and something they’ve never forgotten. Be sure to utilize it if you know your mother tongue!
- She Has Asian Friends:Her best friend is Chinese. Her college roommate was Korean. She lived next door to a Vietanemse family. Even if they don’t have these experiences they’ll say they have some sort of Asian acceptance to make her seem more receptive. They’ll use the most random things as well; a really random story I’ve heard is how one girl’s delivery room doctor was a Japanese guy, so since she was “born into the arms of an Asian man” she should “die in the arms of an Asian man as well.” The point is, they are trying to form some sort of connection. [EXAMPLE: Paraguayan model Larissa Riquelme was introduced to the idea of dating Asian men by a Korean acquaintance]
- She Loves (Mixed) Martial Arts: I’ve never benefitted from this personally but one of my clients is a former North American martial arts champ and he’s currently a pretty famous action director and actor. He’s written to me on several occasions about the sexy crazy groupies that follow him and the people in his circuit – a plentiful selection of physically fit and attractive women are constantly at his discretion. Some of the most beautiful Asian men groupies follow the martial arts circuit, the martial Arts circuit, and similar sports-oriented social circles. If she mentions Nam Pham, Cung Le or Manny Pacquiao…ding ding ding! You have a winner!
- She Loves Asian Food: Be it sushi, Korean BBQ or Pho, she is an Asian food “connoisseur.” If this comes up, use visual imagery to paint a picture in her mind that appeals to all five senses. The sweet taste of jasmine rice, the aroma of a steaming bowl of pho, the appealing colors of nigiri sushi, the crackling sound of cooking your own Korean BBQ, and the cold, soft texture of delicious sashimi are stimulating and even arousing topics. Why, you ask? Because speaking of food like this is sensual…just like sex. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? It applies to beautiful women too.
- She Knows More About Your Mother Country Than You Do: Even if she has no concrete plans, she’ll express her desires to go there. With the Japanese tsunami, she’ll express sympathy – do not take this as generalizing, she’s just trying to reach out to you. Play into these fantasies when you can. Paint a picture about going on a vacation together. Start with romantic depictions of you doing things together, then progress to sensual and end up with sexual. We have to open that door first through verbal imagery progression. Surfing to walking hand in hand sipping on margaritas and coconuts then you’re rolling around in the sand kissing. Use her desire to your advantage.
- She’s a Gamer or Anime-Lover:They express interest in anime (Sailor Moon, Akira, Pokemon, etc) and gaming (Final Fantasy and the like). This group of women aren’t really my cup of tea, but whatever floats your boat. If she likes them, fair game, that’s up to her. If she’s talking about how Akira’s going to be whitewashed then she’s trying to relate to you. The latter kind of woman wants to impress you with her knowledge of the “Asian male plight.” She’s hoping to get you to a point where you say something to the effect of “That is so amazing how much you understand!” Watch for that and indulge her
- She Loves Asian Music: Kpop, Jrock, dramas and movies – this kind of girl is infatuated with the Hollywood of the East. They’re probably younger and more attractive, as this is a relatively new phenomenon, but because there’s no representation of SE Asians then she may not go for you if you’re, say, Cambodian or Viet. Or Thai. Or Filipino. Or even Chinese for that matter. I’m not saying it won’t happen, but I can’t ever think of a time I was successful with this kind of girl despite my PUA mastery. I just don’t look East Asian, girly, emo enough. Sometimes, she just simply will not have anything less than a BIG BANG boyfriend (in other words, a Korean or Japanese guy).
- She’ll Compliment Your Asian Attributes: Be it your eyes, Asian hair, or skin tone, she’s going to love them and let you know it at some point in the conversation. Take her up on it when she does by putting your forearm up to hers, or if you feel more comfortable or if the conversation is going well, take her hand to point out the contrasting tones. Intangible things like intelligence, family, work ethic, second language are not uncommon topics either. Women learn through encouragement while men learn through challenge (if you tell a girl she looks sexy in that dress, she’ll probably wear it again). Just as we were little boys, we do melt under the praise of a beautiful woman. When she praises my accomplishments such as education or that knowledge of a second language, she’s trying to help me learn.
- She Loves Hapa Interracial Babies:They’ll typically make a comment on how interracial babies are beautiful. You can bring this up as well. “Just think…if you and get married and we had a litter of the most beautiful interracial babies…can you imagine how gorgeous they would be?” It plays into her fantasy. Just as we men have sexual fantasies, women have “family fantasies.” They’ll deny it and push it out of their minds to stay emotionally detached, but keep in mind that, by the end of this or any conversation you have with a female interested in you, she’s already imagined your future life and family…just as you’ve imagined sleeping with her.
- She has “Asian-Dating Experience”: This is the biggest, most obvious indicator a girl can give you that she’s into Asian men in general and you in specific. Trust me, anytime a girl has ever told me she had an Asian boyfriend before, I can pretty much romantically connect with her 99.9999% of the time. So a white girl like that will say that she has dated an Asian man before. She will make this point and even further – she will try to guess your ethnicity to show that she’s “learned in the ways of Asian men” and can prove that “not all of you look the same.” She’ll say she’s dated a man of my ethnicity to make her seem more appealing and receptive to me. So if she’s busting out this big gun, then it’s up to you to close because as signals go, it doesn’t get any bigger than this one.
While having, saying, or doing just one of the aforementioned things doesn’t automatically make a girl attracted to Asian men. But combine a few of those traits or even all of them together and, gentlemen, you just might find yourself talking to one woman who is madly in love with the Asian persuasion.
Remember the #1 Rule: When you do meet that beautiful girl, always leave the woman better than you found her!
SO WHY WAIT UNTIL NOW TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION?
I mentioned previously that I was always hesitant to answer this question. I know it seems like a simple, straightforward question “What signals do white women give that says she’s approachable and receptive to Asian men?”
So why haven’t I answered it until now? Unfortunately, the act of asking the question means your LESS LIKELY TO SUCCEED with non-Asian women.
It’s a paradox. You see, I’ve always known the technical answer but I’ve always been hesitant to answer because, on a holistic level, it’s NOT empowering to Asian men as a whole to actually know the answer to that question. I believe that the thousands of men that email me with this question are displaying what is called “learned helplessness.”
Basically, the men to whom the answer to the question “How can I tell if she’s attracted to Asian men (and therefore me)?” is important, are training themselves to only make a move on a non-Asian women that distinctly signal more forward dating behavior first, before the man does. In other words, he wants a zero-risk, in the bag, sure-thing, 100% guarantee or your money back proposition.
And in today’s modern world with modern women, the last thing dating is, is risk-free.
Which means instead of being a confident, masculine Asian man willing to take risks (who would then naturally attract these women be they white, black or Latina) and playing the Asian Card to get the beautiful woman, he instead turns into the Asian beta male who is only confident if it is instead the woman who takes the initial risk. Instead of the proper way around which is the man’s role to be dominant, forward, and a leader.
I hope, however, I am not doing a disservice to Asian men by training to look, and ONLY look, for these specific female signals of attraction first before making a move… Instead of making a move first and then making her attracted to you which she then sends you signals. That’s the right way.
As you can see, I am a very average looking man. I am a short 5 foot 5 inches and I know I am not a good looking or handsome guy. Every woman I’ve dated is physically (if not socially) out of my league. I never get those kind of indicators of interest or signals of attraction. You should never expect them because I certainly don’t and my success with the most beautiful women has been documented and faithfully captured by the media around the world.
Instead, use these signals and indicators of interest to your “Asianness” that she’s becoming attracted to you AFTER you’ve approached her and gotten to know her. You should take these 10 Signals She’s Attracted to Asian Men as signs for you to STAY when you’re already in a conversation with her instead of viewing them as indicators for you to initially approach her.
In the long run, what I’ve discovered with women that specifically that like Asian men are either in it for relationship material or sugar daddies. They’ll enjoy being there but be careful because you’ll get tied down quickly with a girl that chose you, not a girl YOU chose, which is a gross difference.
And after answering this age old question, in my next controversial interracial Asian Male White Female dating article, I’m going to address the 13 Types of Women Who Exploit Asian Men! Yes indeed, there are women who will use the above signals because she’s only attracted to your “Asianness”, but not for the reasons that you might think.
So if you haven’t had the chance to get to know yourself and know women, then I’d save these girls for later – after all, you’re here to learn pick up, and quitting the game early isn’t fair to yourself and to the many women you have yet to meet.