The approach is not complicated.
Whenever I teach bootcamps or speak at seminars, I will repeat this over and over again. The approach is just a series of steps (A – Attitude, Attract & Approach) that need to be executed one after the other. Much like an obstacle course, no matter how many obstacles there are to traverse, you will only be faced with one at a time.
The Approach (whether direct or indirect) is the most simple part of the entire seduction process, but this does not stop it from being both difficult AND scary.
“But, Asian Playboy…” I can already hear you saying. “You just said it WASN’T difficult!”
Nay, nay, my friend. I said that is was not complicated, not that it wasn’t difficult. A successful approach is a difficult skill to master because of the initial impression that needs to be made. When approaching a woman (especially for us Asian men), we have to instantly demonstrate several key qualities like:
and the trickier ones like
- Passive Value
This seems like a lot to demonstrate right away, but we here at the ABCs of Attraction have found a very crafty and successful way of demonstrating all of these qualities in one simple move: The Kino Turn!
The Kino Turn is the most effective way to create a strong first impression (aside from rolling up in a limo with the Pussycat Dolls) that is both sexual and dominant, as well as friendly. For us Asians, it is often difficult to make a strong first impression because of society’s stereotypes about our passive nature and our lack of sexual prowess.
The Kino Turn is a direct affront to those stereotypes and, amazingly enough, they end up working in our favor, as the Kino Turn executed by someone viewed from a more conventional standpoint will seem too aggressive.
What is the Kino Turn, you ask? Allow me to explain.
Often times we struggle with the appropriate body language to use when approaching women. What happens if they’re turned slightly away? What do we do if they are leaning up against a bar? What do we do if they are full-on facing away from us? The Kino turn is an approach that involves five steps:
- Walk of Khan!
- Plant your feet
- Put your hand (gently) on her shoulder
- Turn her around to face you
- Smile (full teeth) and make warm eye contact
These five steps are instant success, but must be executed properly, so I will illuminate further.
1. Walk of Khan!
Watch Bruce Lee walk and you will not see a slouchy, shuffling man staring at his feet with a frown on his face. You will see a strong, confident man with his shoulders back, his chest out, his stomach in and his chin up. On his face, he has a look of power and direction. He is motivated and the way me moves communicates that.
You can replicate and, eventually, internalize this by assuming the same posture while talking long, heel-to-toe steps (remember, we’re not walking like we’re in high school anymore) across the bar. This confident walk is extremely important and, once you reach your target, you’re going to…
2. Plant Your Feet
I cannot begin to tell you how important planting your feet is. So many guys shift around or nervously rub their legs together while talking to a woman. I’ve even seen guys get knocked onto the ground because a passing patron had unintentionally bumped into them and, since their feet were so close together, they had no way to support themselves and simply lost balance.
This is no way to make a first impression, so plant your feet slightly wider than shoulder-width (think: Superman). This will give you a secure and confident starting point so that there will be no incident when you…
3. Put Your Hand (Gently) On Her Shoulder
This, unfortunately, is the step that most guys screw up and, having done it a zillion times (conservative estimate) I am aware of almost everything that is done wrong. First, make sure to use the hand that your drink WASN’T in. Nobody wants a cold, clammy hand grabbing at their (most likely) bare shoulder, least of all the hottie in the club.
Restrict your Kino Turns to the drink-less hand or, if need be, wrap a handkerchief around your drink to keep your hand warm and dry. Second, gently place your hand on the top of her shoulder. You are being gentle and non-threatening, yet firm and guiding as if you were turning your dance partner.
No more total force is used than what you can apply with your PINKY FINGER. Do NOT grab, cling, clutch, pinch, scrape, or sink your fingers into her shoulder.
Simply put your hand on it and…
4. Turn Her Around To Face You
These two steps should take no more than one second and should be executed with no more force than what you could apply with your pinky finger (imagine the amount of force it would take to push open a slightly-opened door). Women are responsive to dominance and physical contact in ways that it is difficult for us men to understand. After all, when a guy puts his hand on us, a part of us goes into fight-or-flight mode.
Women respond differently.
A firm, but gentle turn will spark their instinctual reaction and their biology tells them to respect our dominance and to, in some cases, be more attracted to it. Both her subconscious and her conscious mind are going to tell her that this man is confident enough to approach and be physically dominant with her and that she is attracted to that.
The last part of the turn is to make sure you release her shoulder. Do not drag your hand down her arm on keep your hand rested on it. It’s lovely to touch a woman, but now is not the time.
The only reason you touched her was to turn her to face you and you’ve just used the past two seconds to do just that.
5. Smile (Full Teeth) and Make Warm Eye Contact
Once she turns to face her, it is ESSENTIAL, absolutely VITAL, quite NECESSARY for you to do these minor, but hugely IMPORTANT two mini-steps:
- Smile with full teeth!
- Make solid and warm eye contact!
If you have turned her around and done this with a warm, friendly smile (or a seductive smirk), you will have presented a strong, confident, dominant and sexual frame, while greeting her with warmth and, above all, the passive value associated with all of that.
- Commanding her complete, undivided attention
You are a MAN that has approached her confidently and greeted her in a way that has sparked her interest. At this point, you can say virtually anything you want, but try some of the openers in my last two articles if you want maximum success.
Hint: Go direct for ultimate responsiveness!
Basically, when the ABCs Kino Turn is done correctly, 9 times out of 10, you’ll receive a warm response.
We’ve done it thousands of times and so have our students to consistent and amazing steps. The mating dance is exactly that, a dance, and by guiding her to you, you are physically initiating the first real step to getting to know her in a manly, but non-creepy way.
Your mission this week, if you choose to accept it, is to go out into the field this week and show yourself that this works wonders.
I personally guarantee it will be an incredible empowering experience for you.