A long term relationship isn’t usually on a beginning PUAs mind. You’re out to have a good time, to implement the A phase while meeting new people, expand your social circle and figure out relationship problems and dynamics. It’s common when guys first get into pick-up that they can easily feel overwhelmed with all of the knowledge that’s out there. It is common to struggle with the new information and paradigm-shifting revelations that they’re faced with. But there is something out there that is much bigger, heavier, and more frightening…
That’s right; I’m talking about the fabled long term relationship (or LTRs). A long term relationship will make all of the PUA stuff look like a walk in the park.
After putting in the hours acquiring knowledge and implementing it in-field, you come to the point where you feel utterly confident in dealing with women.
You feel comfortable in all types of social situations, talking to attractive and high-status women.
You’re able to reach the B phase and Be in the Moment; however, when you meet a girl who really grabs your attention and decide to initiate an LTR with her, it can feel like a giant rug has been swept out from under your feet… like you need to learn a whole new skill set all over again.
Although it may seem scary or outside of your comfort zone, DON’T let the fear of the unknown hold you back from a long term relationship; LTRs are, by far, the most rewarding aspect of picking up women. And, although there is certainly new territory to explore (and conquer), you will have the benefit of learning from my *numerous* mistakes and relationship problems.
Read on to find out what I did wrong so that YOU DON’T HAVE TO!
Don’t get too comfortable in the C phase… You’ve got to keep moving forward if you’re in a long term relationship.
Before getting good at picking up women, my LTRs with women were shit. The girls were not that attractive, didn’t have the lifestyle I desired, and lacked certain aspects of their personality that are important to me.
Not only were they not up to par, but I wasn’t even able to maintain my long term relationship correctly!
Once I got good at the art of seduction, half of my previous relationship problems with LTRs vanished, but half stayed EXACTLY THE SAME. What I found was that the quality of girls (in looks, personality, and other qualifications) was WAY higher than it ever had been before… But the problem that remained was that I had NO IDEA HOW TO KEEP THEM.
Please don’t fall into this trap. This can be a devastating and demoralizing cycle if you fall prey to it. However, keeping in mind the knowledge contained in this article, you should be able to easily avoid many of the common relationship problems that PUAs face in LTRs.
What to Watch Out For in a Long Term Relationship
- Dating too early– That’s right; dating too early can lead to tragically pathetic relationship problems. Many guys start acquiring some level of skill with women, and then decide to start a long term relationship with a girl that they met. This is a bad idea if you do it too soon in your development… for a couple of reasons. One is that if you start dating a girl too early into your self-improvement, you will not be fully congruent. This means that, while your outer game may be tight enough to attract gorgeous girls, your inner game is not up to par yet, and these women will not stick around for long enough to even call it an LTR, which will obviously not be very motivating to you. Secondarily, even if the relationship DOES work out, you will more than likely find yourself going out less and therefore sharpening your skills less. It is important that you become a fully well-rounded person before you commit yourself to a woman in a long term relationship. Any less, and it’s just not fair to her. No, this doesn’t mean that you must reach Buddhist levels of enlightenment; it simply means that you want to be solid enough in your skills and in your view of yourself as a person so you don’t have any AFC bullshit getting in the way of what could otherwise be a perfectly good relationship. The D phase is not “dating”… yet.
Losing your balls– “Losing your balls” is probably the number one most common relationship problems that PUAs have after deciding to settle down with Mrs. Right in an LTR. This is when you stop being social, stop holding your boundaries, and generally allow yourself to become an easily-manipulated puppy dog just because you get feelings for the girl in your long term relationship. Trust me, this has happened to me on multiple occasions, and I am in no way condemning those who allow themselves to cultivate powerful emotions for a girl that they’re with, as I am guilty of this as well. Rather, this should simply act as a caution to those who find themselves questioning their agenda when making decisions in the relationship. If your agenda is at all to supplicate to the woman that you are with out of fear or any other form of mental scarcity, you are doing it WRONG. She WILL lose attraction for you. This is not to say that you should never compromise while in an LTR, because you obviously should. But becoming a door-mat for her is not the way to go. When she met you, you were a bad-ass socialite. Stay that way. Reaching the E phase means holding on to your balls!
- Being a “PUA”– (*Disclaimer: There are those of you out there who might think that this point directly contradicts my previous one. If you are one of those lucky few, you may take out a crisp, white sheet of paper, write your complaint on it, and mail it directly to our address at Your Asshole, Anytown USA.*) Any girl worth holding onto will LEAVE a long term relationship if you keep it up with gimmicky PUA tactics while in said relationship with her. This includes not only routines and lines, but also certain mindsets. Some of the things that attracted her to you when you guys first met (never qualifying, your cocky attitude, having tons of girls around you) will be the very things that repel her from you as you become more emotionally invested in one another through the course of your LTR. Think about it this way: Just because you thought a girl was hot when she was half-naked and dancing like a slut in the club, doesn’t mean you’ll think it’s hot when you’ve been dating her for months and she’s still doing that. Interestingly enough, attraction triggers actually CHANGE for LTRs.While some of them will stay the same (social dominance, intelligence, humor), many will actually disappear completely (cockiness, pre-selection, disinterest), and some will become more intense or develop out of nowhere (acts of commitment and dedication, taking care of/protecting her, ambition and success, romance). It simply takes experience to figure out exactly what makes women tick when you’re in a long term relationship with them. The F phase includes a Future, but it also includes filtering out the fakes and having Fun!
There you have it! This arena of social dynamics can be scarier, simply because the investment levels are higher. You most likely will even have to go through multiple LTRs before you rectify all of your relationship problems.
Keep in mind that this list is by no means exhaustive; these are simply the mistakes that I see PUAs make the most. There are tons of other important facets of a long term relationship, such as honesty, spontaneity, and much more.
Have fun, stay classy, and go make some beautiful women very happy.
But if you’re still having trouble with mastering yourself and your dating skills, if you’re not ready for a steady LTR yet, then hit me up at one of my bootcamps and I will kick your ass into dating shape.