Dear Angry Asian Men: Get Over Asian Women Dating White Guys

By JT Tran

Hey Angry Asian Men,

It’s JT Tran here and it’s time you and I had a heart to heart…

One of the most frequently discussed topics on Asian American internet forums is the “Interracial Dating Disparity” within the Asian American community.

The Interracial Dating Disparity is a term used to describe the mathematical imbalance between the number of Asian American women dating white men versus the number of Asian American men dating white women…


Whether this mathematical imbalance is REAL (i.e., based on actual U.S. Census data) or PERCEIVED (i.e., based on anecdotal evidence of what some guy “sees on the street,”) I don’t know, and more importantly, I don’t care. There is, however, something that is very real:

Many Asian American men get upset when they see Asian American women dating white American guys.

Straight up. Let’s put all bullshit aside and acknowledge this for what it is. This feeling of being upset and/or angry is based on several reasons.

Here are just a few quotes that I’ve heard:

“Asian American women are race traitors! They should be dating Asian American men, not white guys!”

“Asian American women are sell outs! They are dating white men, not because they’re inherently better than Asian American men, but because they’re trying to improve their social status by being by a white man’s side. Even if he’s a loser!”

“Ugh! I can’t believe that Asian American woman is with that white guy. He’s not even as smart / good-looking / tall / handsome/charming as I am. He’s a total dork! She’s only with him because he’s white!”

“Asian American women have bought-in to mainstream media stereotypes of Asian American men! That’s why so many of them are dating white guys! They need to see the error of their ways and start dating Asian American guys!”

Again, there are many other reasons, but these are only a few examples.

After having taught thousands of Asian American guys (and also Asian guys born and raised in other Asian and European countries), I see the same themes come up time and time again. Many of these guys either hold the above listed grudges against Asian American women in general, or they have their own specific reasons for being angry at Asian American women.

They have each, in their minds, made a correlation between the interracial dating disparity, and the other well accepted societal stereotypes of Asian American men (mostly produced by western movies and media). These men are truly living a life of self-torture, and I have seen all manner of self-defeating and self-imposed mental barriers in these guys.

I know this because they freely and willingly tell me about them in the hopes that by telling me these things that they will somehow “feel better.”

However, despite all the pain, suffering, and self-inflicted mental torture that I’ve observed in my students, I have also had the pleasure of seeing those very same Asian American boys grow up and become men right before my very eyes.

Yes, there are students who come to me expecting to join a circle of brothers who will “take down the man,” or somehow make Asian American women change their dating preferences, or somehow “fix” the American mainstream media and its related images of Asian American men.

This type of student ultimately discovers that ABCs of Attraction alumni have no interest in doing any of these things (because they’re too busy romantically connecting with women left, right, and center). It is this type of student who ultimately drops out of the program and resigns himself to a life of loneliness.

He effectively excludes himself from the world’s gene pool.

But for every one student who stubbornly holds on to this self-defeating mentality, there are 99 other students who rise up above that mentality and discover that the most effective way to change the “interracial dating disparity” is to take control of their own romantic lives and to start generating lots and lots of romantic choices and options for themselves. That is, if fixing the “interracial dating disparity” is really what you care about.

The only REAL solution to the Asian American Interracial Dating Disparity is manifold:

  1. Make yourself a better man
  2. Ignore that which generates negativity in you
  3. Open up your options to include women of ALL colors
  4. Get better at flirting and socializing with women
  5. Finally, grow a pair of balls to do something about it and LEAD BY EXAMPLE

The majority of the time, though, the students I’ve taught who once believed that they cared about this “disparity,” actually realized that they only used this as an excuse for not taking responsibility for the fact that they could not generate the same quantity and quality of romantic options as the white guys they were seeing from day to day. They were resigned to a life of loneliness.

Ask yourself, do you really want to live a life of loneliness? Or have you always thought that you were meant for GREATER things?

Would you rather continue to get your satisfaction from complaining about a “disparity” (either real or perceived) and railing futilely against an unfair system?

Or would you rather get your satisfaction from the warmth of a woman’s body naked in your bed? To bask in the glow of love of your own making and choosing? Because I stopped being angry with the world once I discovered I had control over my dating life.

You see, for me, there’s only one way to effective stereotypes and racism against Asian men:

The best way to fight stereotypes is showing people from different races genuinely connecting with one another.

Choose wisely.

Click here to sign up for your ABCs of Attraction bootcamp today and take control of your romantic destiny. One weekend will change your life so you’ll let go of that anger and become the happy, confident and fulfilled Asian man you’ve always wanted to be.

JT “No Longer Angry” Tran