Through the magic of Amazon Prime Video, I caught the romantic comedy film “The Big Sick” which is inspired by Kumail Nanjiani’s real world relationship (and marriage) to Emily V. Gordon.
It’s a fluffy, feel good interracial romcom that had some actual practical dating tips. While not a deepdive into the intricacies and pitfalls of interracial relationships, it is one of the few AMWF (Kumail Nanjiani is of South Asian descent) movies out there.
And as I was watching it, I found myself jotting down dating tips that might be useful for Asian men (South or East Asian) who have never been in an interracial relationship or have found themselves struggling with how their own parents and the Caucasian parents treat them.
34 Interracial Dating Tips I Learned From “The Big Sick” With Kumail Nanjiani
- Don’t get defensive if she expresses interest in your background and culture
- The man must always approach FIRST
- Use your own culture and language to your advantage. In the movie, Kumail Nanjiani writes the girl’s name in Urdu. I use similar tactics where I introduce a non-Asian woman into my Asian culture, cuisine and language.
- Don’t be afraid to ask her to come over to your place
- If you have a roommate, have a strategy to skip the awkward introductions
- Netflix and chill is only an excuse to engage in physical intimacy. She’s not actually there to see the movie.
- Always go for the kiss!
- Don’t be afraid of expressing yourself sexually as well as accepting her sexuality
- Don’t slut shame!
- It’s ok to express vulnerability about yourself
- Get her to open up to you as well
- Setup the next date when the iron is hot (ie don’t wait the next day to ask her out again, ask her out right then and there in bed!)
- Don’t let bantering shit tests throw you off. You have to give as good as you get
- But serious shit tests deserve a serious answer (she’s seeing if you really are authentic and the type of person you’re trying to present yourself as)
- Be a gentleman and call her an Uber / Lyft to take her home
- Being the center of attention and being social proofed helps (a lot)
- Asian families show their love by pressuring you to succeed (don’t take it as criticism)
- Don’t let your family’s racism pressure you into dating or not dating someone because of race
- Don’t let your family buy you an Asian mail order bride or set you up with an arranged marriage
- Love is work. It’s not automagic, it’s a choice to open up and to choose to work hard with your partner to make it work.
- Don’t be afraid to screen and qualify dating partners and to let her know. You’re worth it.
- Movies aren’t made for watching, they’re for making out
- Express affection through hugs (constantly)
- Don’t be afraid to show who you are (when the time is right)
- Don’t get weirded out by a woman’s natural bodily functions
- Stand up to your family
- If you want to be part of her world, you have to BRING HER into YOUR WORLD
- She has to believe there’s a possible future with you
- When you breakup with someone, don’t get oneitis and stuck on one person. Get back on the horse and get back out there!
- Be prepared to be questioned by her family
- Stop being a coward and either talk with your family if their disapprove of interracial dating or stand up to them
- If she’s important to you, make her your priority
- Create boundaries between you and your family
- Ultimately, this is just a movie, so don’t take these tips as immutable rules.