In one of my all-time favorite shows, “How I Met Your Mother,” there’s an absolutely hilarious character named Barney Stinson that is obviously based off a pick-up artist. I’m aware that it’s just a TV show, but many of his observations coincide with mine – namely, his hot-crazy graph; basically, the hotter the girl is, the more willing men are to put up with her crazy.
Unfortunately, I’m here to tell you guys that many, many beautiful and hot women come with a prescription for extra-strength CRAZY.
I’ve dated a Playboy cybermodel, pinup model, fashion runway model, strippers and dancers, cocktail waitresses, shot girls, pageant queens and the gamut of hot crazy messes both high and low.
I’m also friends with many a beautiful porn star, actress, and even one of our former ABCs of Attraction wing-girls is now Playboy’s Miss October! So I think I can safely say that I have a pretty good sample size to base my, admittedly, subjective observations on.
Not all of them are hot crazy messes so it’s doubtful that the attractive model you’re dating (or hope to date), has all ten of these traits (and woe be unto you if she does), but here are a few habits that I’ve seen time and time again. REMEMBER: You can’t change a person if she doesn’t want to change and you shouldn’t try. So don’t be Captain Save’a’Ho.
10 Signs You’re Dating a Hot Crazy Mess of a Model
- She’s Totally Self-Centered: Now I say this neither to be mean nor to indicate that they are bad people, but as I always say, if you can think from a woman’s perspective, you’ll be better off. Now I want you to imagine growing up as a small child and everyone was nice to you. Everyone bought you gifts, everyone did you favors, everyone was considerate towards you. You were never ever the last person to be picked in sports or projects and everyone wanted to be around you. That’s the life of an incredibly beautiful woman. The reason they’re self-centered is because they’re literally the center of the universe to so many people and have no reason to think otherwise. This, combined with Habit #3, also explain why she’s comes off as a complete flake. Not because she’s being mean or cruel about it (although that could also be the case), or using you (although that too could be the case), but stuff happens and something or someone with a bigger and better date came along and swept her away in a fit of spontaneity, alphaness, high value, and dominance.
- She’s A Natural Flirt: They’re highly sociable and socialized. I’ve known these girls that will flirt with not only the most handsome male models but with penniless strangers off the street with equal abandon and opportunity. Whether you’re a tall White guy or a short, fobby Asian man, these girls are completely willing to talk about anything to anyone simply because they don’t know any other way to behave. Approach anxiety is a completely foreign concept in their minds, and they don’t even know what it means from the man’s perspective (which also explains why it’s EASIER talking to more attractive women than unattractive women). Everyone in the world is willing to talk to them and they love to talk right back. If you’re dating her, you might mistakenly think she’s hitting on random men (although she may very well be), but you shouldn’t automatically assume so otherwise you’ll come off as insecure.
- She’s Always Late: These girls will be late to their own funerals. Part of it, you might assume, is because they’re selfish and self centered (see Habit #1)… and you would not be completely wrong. However, it’s not always like that – she’s constantly late because everywhere she goes, things are happening around and to her on an hourly basis. People are always doing her favors, talking to her, and her phone is blowing up (see Habit #6). She’s constantly being “accosted” and to her it’s an everyday, normal occurrence. The simple act of walking to the grocery store can become an adventure for them as every step they take, someone’s approaching her or an orbiter is calling her on her phone or a Facebook creeper is stalking her profile. That’s how they live their lives and that’s why women thrive on drama – their lives are never boring, but they’re never punctual, either.
- She’s A Schemer: One thing I have seen with beautiful girls is that, even though a ridiculous amount of crap happens to them, somehow things come to fruition. I’ve heard the craziest schemes on how to get rich…and then they do become rich (or at least in the temporary possession of money), albeit not by that particular plan. I have also been party to the most well-orchestrated plan that would rival D-Day and the storming of Normandy, all to be dismissed at the vagaries and whims of these gorgeous tacticians. In other words, they’re always doing something that typically involves the assistance of random strangers, orbiters, acquaintances, friends, lovers, and wannabe lovers that, eventually, in a manner similar to “Ocean’s Eleven,” enough things come together to make something work for them. Hell, I’ve been lost in a non-English speaking country where I didn’t speak the language and simply having a beautiful girlfriend on my arm helped me get an amazing police escort to the city and free luxury hotel stay. It’s as if they lived a charmed life.
- She’s Completely Disorganized: This doesn’t end at work or play – from their professional to personal lives, everything is one big, jumbled, hot mess. I cannot count the times I’ve driven in an exotic dancer’s nomadic SUVs where they hold their entirety of their lives to the beautiful model couch-surfing at a friend’s house. Not only do these hot girls not have their crap together, they simply can’t get it together. This may have a lot to do with them being used to everything being done for them; they never learned enough practical life skills to be able to keep things in order.
- She’s Attached To Her Phone: These hot girls can’t escape the constant explosions they get from people via calls, texts, Facebook, Twitter…it never ends with them! Girls screen their phone calls – it’s no secret – but it’s because if they don’t, they’d be on the phone ALL DAY LONG. It’s not uncommon for them to go to bed and wake up eight hours later with several new friend requests and followers, numerous texts, and dozens of Facebook notifications (at least half of which are random losers hitting on them). It’s imperative to understand that people are constantly contacting her and wanting to be in contact with her. You cannot hope to socially isolate her; not only is it impossible, you’ll just come off as a possessive, controlling, soon-to-be-ex boyfriend. (One tactic I’ve used before is to simply take out the battery on her phone, that way she just thinks her phone died ergo no interruptus coitus)
- She’s Either Loved Or Hated: Their beauty and sexuality elicits immediate polarizing reactions in people. Men will obviously become instantly attracted to them, but it also polarizes guys to become either more aggressive and act upon their natural instincts or too terrified to do anything more than stare. Women will also react in a similar fashion; they’ll either try to be incredibly nice and be the drone bee to her queen bee or they will hate her – both behind her back and to her face. One of the most hilarious bed & breakfast weekend getaways I’ve had with a beautiful girl was where every single old lady hated her; we literally could not get a break because all the old people hated her and they weren’t shy about it either!
- She’s Physically & Facially Expressive: Maybe it’s all the practice they get from making their “O face,” but these beautiful women know how to communicate without words. They understand the power of their smiles, the way they cock their heads and the smolder in their eyes. They can communicate more with their face and body language than any so-called Pick Up Artist with his canned routines and DHVs. Non-verbal game is more important than verbal game and they know how to work both.
- She’s Over-Sexualized: For these beautiful girls, there’s more than one kind of sex. Sometimes they have sex because they want the guy, because they’re simply horny and find something to their standards, or because they want to make sure they can still get cock-on-call. Whatever the reason, sex doesn’t always have the same meaning for them. Beautiful women are typically VERY good in bed because they’ve obviously had a lot of practice (obviously there are exceptions which is always very, very disappointing); sex for them does not have to have the high emotional bonding as they might have with someone else. It doesn’t mean she’s cheating on you (although she could be), it just means beautiful women always have the OPTION to have sex with any guy (although that’s not the point for her, she wants to have sex with “the one guy”).
- She’s Her Body’s Worst Enemy: Whether it be food, wine or your sperm, crazy beautiful women know how to throw up to keep their weight down. More than half of women in the United States have some sort of body dysmorphia during their lifetime, where they perceive themselves as fat or are fearful of getting fat. Even though you think they’re beautiful, when they look in the mirror, they see imperfections and flaws galore. Taking action by throwing up, insane dieting and exercise plans or ingesting laxatives, their goddess-like bodies come at a very high personal cost.
To be fair, these beautiful train wrecks are simply a product of their upbringing, but they are just that – gorgeous, yet crazy.
Keeping up with her is no easy task, but it can also be one of the most entertaining and hilarious experiences you’ve ever had.
If you have yet to date one of these kinds of women, I highly recommend getting your game together and trying it out, in the very least to be able to say you’ve dated Playboy model material.
And if you’ve never dated a true-blue model, isn’t it about time you learned how? Sign up for an ABCs of Attraction bootcamp now!