Barney Stinson's Hot-Crazy Graph

10 Signs You’re Dating a Hot Crazy Mess of a Model

Barney Stinson's Hot-Crazy Graph

Barney Stinson's Hot-Crazy Graph

In one of my all-time favorite shows, “How I Met Your Mother,” there’s an absolutely hilarious character named Barney Stinson that is obviously based off a pick-up artist. I’m aware that it’s just a TV show, but many of his observations coincide with mine – namely, his hot-crazy graph; basically, the hotter the girl is, the more willing men are to put up with her crazy.

Unfortunately, I’m here to tell you guys that many, many beautiful and hot women come with a prescription for extra-strength CRAZY.

I’ve dated a Playboy cybermodel, pinup model, fashion runway model, strippers and dancers, cocktail waitresses, shot girls, pageant queens and the gamut of hot crazy messes both high and low.

Former ABCs of Attraction Wing-Girl turned Playboy Model: Claire

Former ABCs of Attraction Wing-Girl turned Playboy Model: Claire

I’m also friends with many a beautiful porn star, actress, and even one of our former ABCs of Attraction wing-girls is now Playboy’s Miss October! So I think I can safely say that I have a pretty good sample size to base my, admittedly, subjective observations on.

I’m just listing out these characteristics so that you know what to expect once you actually learn how to successfully attract, approach, seduce and date highly beautiful, attractive women.

Not all of them are hot crazy messes so it’s doubtful that the attractive model you’re dating (or hope to date), has all ten of these traits (and woe be unto you if she does), but here are a few habits that I’ve seen time and time again. REMEMBER: You can’t change a person if she doesn’t want to change and you shouldn’t try. So don’t be Captain Save’a’Ho.

10 Signs You’re Dating a Hot Crazy Mess of a Model

    1. She’s Totally Self-Centered: Now I say this neither to be mean nor to indicate that they are bad people, but as I always say, if you can think from a woman’s perspective, you’ll be better off. Now I want you to imagine growing up as a small child and everyone was nice to you. Everyone bought you gifts, everyone did you favors, everyone was considerate towards you. You were never ever the last person to be picked in sports or projects and everyone wanted to be around you. That’s the life of an incredibly beautiful woman. The reason they’re self-centered is because they’re literally the center of the universe to so many people and have no reason to think otherwise. This, combined with Habit #3, also explain why she’s comes off as a complete flake. Not because she’s being mean or cruel about it (although that could also be the case), or using you (although that too could be the case), but stuff happens and something or someone with a bigger and better date came along and swept her away in a fit of spontaneity, alphaness, high value, and dominance.
    2. She’s A Natural Flirt: They’re highly sociable and socialized. I’ve known these girls that will flirt with not only the most handsome male models but with penniless strangers off the street with equal abandon and opportunity. Whether you’re a tall White guy or a short, fobby Asian man, these girls are completely willing to talk about anything to anyone simply because they don’t know any other way to behave. Approach anxiety is a completely foreign concept in their minds, and they don’t even know what it means from the man’s perspective (which also explains why it’s EASIER talking to more attractive women than unattractive women). Everyone in the world is willing to talk to them and they love to talk right back. If you’re dating her, you might mistakenly think she’s hitting on random men (although she may very well be), but you shouldn’t automatically assume so otherwise you’ll come off as insecure.
    3. She’s Always Late: These girls will be late to their own funerals. Part of it, you might assume, is because they’re selfish and self centered (see Habit #1)… and you would not be completely wrong. However, it’s not always like that – she’s constantly late because everywhere she goes, things are happening around and to her on an hourly basis. People are always doing her favors, talking to her, and her phone is blowing up (see Habit #6). She’s constantly being “accosted” and to her it’s an everyday, normal occurrence. The simple act of walking to the grocery store can become an adventure for them as every step they take, someone’s approaching her or an orbiter is calling her on her phone or a Facebook creeper is stalking her profile. That’s how they live their lives and that’s why women thrive on drama – their lives are never boring, but they’re never punctual, either.
    4. She’s A Schemer: One thing I have seen with beautiful girls is that, even though a ridiculous amount of crap happens to them, somehow things come to fruition. I’ve heard the craziest schemes on how to get rich…and then they do become rich (or at least in the temporary possession of money), albeit not by that particular plan. I have also been party to the most well-orchestrated plan that would rival D-Day and the storming of Normandy, all to be dismissed at the vagaries and whims of these gorgeous tacticians. In other words, they’re always doing something that typically involves the assistance of random strangers, orbiters, acquaintances, friends, lovers, and wannabe lovers that, eventually, in a manner similar to “Ocean’s Eleven,” enough things come together to make something work for them. Hell, I’ve been lost in a non-English speaking country where I didn’t speak the language and simply having a beautiful girlfriend on my arm helped me get an amazing police escort to the city and free luxury hotel stay. It’s as if they lived a charmed life.
    5. Facial Expressions and Non-Verbal Communication are more important than Verbal Game

      Facial Expressions and Non-Verbal Communication are more important than Verbal Game

    6. She’s Completely Disorganized: This doesn’t end at work or play – from their professional to personal lives, everything is one big, jumbled, hot mess. I cannot count the times I’ve driven in an exotic dancer’s nomadic SUVs  where they hold their entirety of their lives to the beautiful model couch-surfing at a friend’s house. Not only do these hot girls not have their crap together, they simply can’t get it together. This may have a lot to do with them being used to everything being done for them; they never learned enough practical life skills to be able to keep things in order.
    7. She’s Attached To Her Phone: These hot girls can’t escape the constant explosions they get from people via calls, texts, Facebook, Twitter…it never ends with them! Girls screen their phone calls – it’s no secret – but it’s because if they don’t, they’d be on the phone ALL DAY LONG. It’s not uncommon for them to go to bed and wake up eight hours later with several new friend requests and followers, numerous texts, and dozens of Facebook notifications (at least half of which are random losers hitting on them). It’s imperative to understand that people are constantly contacting her and wanting to be in contact with her. You cannot hope to socially isolate her; not only is it impossible, you’ll just come off as a possessive, controlling, soon-to-be-ex boyfriend. (One tactic I’ve used before is to simply take out the battery on her phone, that way she just thinks her phone died ergo no interruptus coitus)
    8. She’s Either Loved Or Hated: Their beauty and sexuality elicits immediate polarizing reactions in people. Men will obviously become instantly attracted to them, but it also polarizes guys to become either more aggressive and act upon their natural instincts or too terrified to do anything more than stare. Women will also react in a similar fashion; they’ll either try to be incredibly nice and be the drone bee to her queen bee or they will hate her – both behind her back and to her face. One of the most hilarious bed & breakfast weekend getaways I’ve had with a beautiful girl was where every single old lady hated her; we literally could not get a break because all the old people hated her and they weren’t shy about it either!
    9. She’s Physically & Facially Expressive: Maybe it’s all the practice they get from making their “O face,” but these beautiful women know how to communicate without words. They understand the power of their smiles, the way they cock their heads and the smolder in their eyes. They can communicate more with their face and body language than any so-called Pick Up Artist with his canned routines and DHVs. Non-verbal game is more important than verbal game and they know how to work both.
    10. She’s Over-Sexualized: For these beautiful girls, there’s more than one kind of sex. Sometimes they have sex because they want the guy, because they’re simply horny and find something to their standards, or because they want to make sure they can still get cock-on-call. Whatever the reason, sex doesn’t always have the same meaning for them. Beautiful women are typically VERY good in bed because they’ve obviously had a lot of practice (obviously there are exceptions which is always very, very disappointing); sex for them does not have to have the high emotional bonding as they might have with someone else. It doesn’t mean she’s cheating on you (although she could be), it just means beautiful women always have the OPTION to have sex with any guy (although that’s not the point for her, she wants to have sex with “the one guy”).
    11. She’s Her Body’s Worst Enemy: Whether it be food, wine or your sperm, crazy beautiful women know how to throw up to keep their weight down. More than half of women in the United States have some sort of body dysmorphia during their lifetime, where they perceive themselves as fat or are fearful of getting fat. Even though you think they’re beautiful, when they look in the mirror, they see imperfections and flaws galore. Taking action by throwing up, insane dieting and exercise plans or ingesting laxatives, their goddess-like bodies come at a very high personal cost.

    To be fair, these beautiful train wrecks are simply a product of their upbringing, but they are just that – gorgeous, yet crazy.

    Keeping up with her is no easy task, but it can also be one of the most entertaining and hilarious experiences you’ve ever had.

    If you have yet to date one of these kinds of women, I highly recommend getting your game together and trying it out, in the very least to be able to say you’ve dated Playboy model material.

    And if you’ve never dated a true-blue model, isn’t it about time you learned how? Sign up for an ABCs of Attraction bootcamp now!

  • Great article, J.T. 🙂

    You really have captured the essence of what makes so many uberhotties so utterly unacceptable as girlfriends… But they sure can be enjoyable as playmates!

  • Christiano Tex

    That pretty much describes most hot model-like girls I knew. One was extremely flakely and the other had LOTS of problems or so she says. Boyfried cheated on her because she wouldn’t have sex with him lol. I also know some that aren’t like that, but you can’t tell until you get to know them better.

  • DaMang

    JT. good article.

    What you’ve just described are traits of a personality disorder. These girls may suffer from narcissism, histrionic, bi-polar disorder, eating disorders, sociopath/anti-social disorder, etc.

    Common traits of a personality disorder are:
    A) High anxiety – Often they are depressed. They have issues with not being able to control their environment or their situation.
    B) Impulsive (Like your #5) – They have no patience and work on impulse. That’s why they tend to have poor finances. They have poor coping skills.
    C) Narcissistic behaviors or grandiose sense of self (like your #1) always taking care of themselves first above all else
    D) Constantly self-medicating (alcoholic, drugs, etc..) due to high anxiety and control issues.
    E) Manipulative (like your #4 and #2) they tend to have strong self-preservation skills to keep them a float. So they put all of their energy into making connections and making friendships more than what they are. Hence strangers tend to help them out more.
    F) Highly sexual/promiscuity (like your #9) this is due to their impulsive nature and lack of inhibition.
    G) Peacocking (this is for C and E) dressing provocatively/inappropriately to gain attention
    H) Problems with control (Like your #10) – The masters are great at hiding it. Because of anxiety, they try to control the environment as much as they can. So one of the things they have the ability to control is what they consume. It’s all about control. It’s to settle their anxiety.
    I) Most importantly, quick shifts in emotions. This is a high indicator that they have personality disorder traits. Most people need time to heat up and get angry. But a person with a personality disorder can move 0 – 60 in less than a second. Their personality disorder precedes their temperament and the anger comes out like a train wreck.

    Some of them may show signs of tourettes. Often swearing and saying inappropriate things. That’s because the personality disorder may be located near the same area for the disease tourettes (in the front part of the brain).

    Hope this helps

  • vixen

    since when has bi-polar been a ‘personality disorder’?!  i think you’ll find it’s a ‘mental health’ problem, more than often caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.  how do i know this?  simple……..i suffer with MDD/uni-polar.  for those who aren’t in the know…….MDD is major depressive disorder.

    reading this list……i do agree with the fact that most of the beautiful model-type women out there do have alot of issues that can effect the men they date.  but they’re not ‘personality disorders’…..they’re ‘traits’ or ‘habits’ picked up & developed over many years.  not forgetting as well, that most of these women are bending to social & physical preassure to be as perfect as they possibly can.  it’s like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole…..NEED I SAY MORE???!!!  most of the problems are easily handled with therapy & understanding.

    i admit…..myself…..i have a couple of the list as my own problems.  but they’re ones i’m fully aware of & just can’t help.

    i’m more than often late with things.  but this isn’t because of OTT popularity……i have dyscalculia (numerical dyslexia)…..me and numbers/times/dates just don’t mix well at all.

    i’m physically/facially expressive.  again……it’s my personality.  i’m a natural, honest, down-to-earth, non makeup wearing, tomboy-ish, funny, caring & passionate cancerian.  i use humour to cover up how i really feel deep down when in a low period of my depression & to hide my embarassment & shyness.

    just remember guys…….because a woman is very physically attractive, doesn’t mean she’s bound to have problems & issues.  there are a few rare gals out there who have no problems like stated above & yet men won’t even approach them.  how do i know THIS???  because i AM one of those women.

    most of the time, guys automatically look for the model types & go for them.  they never take a good look around & see the beauty in an everyday woman (no makeup, no designer gear, no makeup, no surgery) & go for her instead.  then they wonder why they keep meeting the crazy model-types……

    i’m telling you all now guys…………………..BREAK your habit…….open your eyes & LOOK AROUND for the diamonds in the rough………..change tactics for once & you may well be surprised why you didn’t do so before!

  • vixen

    since when has bi-polar been a ‘personality disorder’?!  i think you’ll find it’s a ‘mental health’ problem, more than often caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.  how do i know this?  simple……..i suffer with MDD/uni-polar.  for those who aren’t in the know…….MDD is major depressive disorder.

    reading this list……i do agree with the fact that most of the beautiful model-type women out there do have alot of issues that can effect the men they date.  but they’re not ‘personality disorders’…..they’re ‘traits’ or ‘habits’ picked up & developed over many years.  not forgetting as well, that most of these women are bending to social & physical preassure to be as perfect as they possibly can.  it’s like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole…..NEED I SAY MORE???!!!  most of the problems are easily handled with therapy & understanding.

    i admit…..myself…..i have a couple of the list as my own problems.  but they’re ones i’m fully aware of & just can’t help.

    i’m more than often late with things.  but this isn’t because of OTT popularity……i have dyscalculia (numerical dyslexia)…..me and numbers/times/dates just don’t mix well at all.

    i’m physically/facially expressive.  again……it’s my personality.  i’m a natural, honest, down-to-earth, non makeup wearing, tomboy-ish, funny, caring & passionate cancerian.  i use humour to cover up how i really feel deep down when in a low period of my depression & to hide my embarassment & shyness.

    just remember guys…….because a woman is very physically attractive, doesn’t mean she’s bound to have problems & issues.  there are a few rare gals out there who have no problems like stated above & yet men won’t even approach them.  how do i know THIS???  because i AM one of those women.

    most of the time, guys automatically look for the model types & go for them.  they never take a good look around & see the beauty in an everyday woman (no makeup, no designer gear, no makeup, no surgery) & go for her instead.  then they wonder why they keep meeting the crazy model-types……

    i’m telling you all now guys…………………..BREAK your habit…….open your eyes & LOOK AROUND for the diamonds in the rough………..change tactics for once & you may well be surprised why you didn’t do so before!

  • Don Draper

    Wow yes, this certainly describes the two models I have dated for an extended period of time.  They were the worst girlfriends (and people).  Completely self absorbed, hooked on self-help and their self-image, complete lack of empathy or care for anyone but themselves.  Really just terrible people.  It’s a shame that their lives as physically beautiful have shaped them into such horrible human beings.  I was pretty broken up both times and it took some time to realize how broken they were/are.  I wouldn’t want to be friends with these woman.  I’ve stayed friends with many exes, but not with these two.  Coincidence? They are in a class by themselves!  But they sure were fun for a little while! 

  • Don Draper

    Wow yes, this certainly describes the two models I have dated for an extended period of time.  They were the worst girlfriends (and people).  Completely self absorbed, hooked on self-help and their self-image, complete lack of empathy or care for anyone but themselves.  Really just terrible people.  It’s a shame that their lives as physically beautiful have shaped them into such horrible human beings.  I was pretty broken up both times and it took some time to realize how broken they were/are.  I wouldn’t want to be friends with these woman.  I’ve stayed friends with many exes, but not with these two.  Coincidence? They are in a class by themselves!  But they sure were fun for a little while! 

  • Nevada999

    For the night , other then that they are a train wreck  waiting to happen  !!!  But date one – 10 / model, you life is not complete till you do , cause it opens your eyes , wide open 🙂

  • Nevada999

    For the night , other then that they are a train wreck  waiting to happen  !!!  But date one – 10 / model, you life is not complete till you do , cause it opens your eyes , wide open 🙂

  • Persephony2

    you are an insufferable ass hole. If beautiful women treat you like that, it is because you keep yourself so emotionally distanced from them (because you are insecure) that she knows you are only in it like the rest of the guys she has met–for the experience and the glory.. Treat her like a person instead of a piece of sex jewelry and you just might get somewhere. Maybe a troll like yourself will end up with some beautiful children.

  • Persephony2

    you are an insufferable ass hole. If beautiful women treat you like that, it is because you keep yourself so emotionally distanced from them (because you are insecure) that she knows you are only in it like the rest of the guys she has met–for the experience and the glory.. Treat her like a person instead of a piece of sex jewelry and you just might get somewhere. Maybe a troll like yourself will end up with some beautiful children.

  • grammar naziii

    wat makes u think ur pretty. ifu were y wud u try n hide ur gargantous nose by lightening ur pic so much no one can see ur features hahaa

  • grammar naziii

    wat makes u think ur pretty. ifu were y wud u try n hide ur gargantous nose by lightening ur pic so much no one can see ur features hahaa

  • saba

    Wow this really makes me feel terrible about myself physically. Fuck. 

  • saba

    Wow this really makes me feel terrible about myself physically. Fuck. 

  • Sankara

    Whoa, after talking about my tumultuous relationship with a model met on a casting last year with my therapist, I found that article and sadly have to agree to most of it.
    It describe her perfectly except for the phone part.
    Being with her for a year now, it’s an every day challenge and I often describe her as a mess.That’s why, even if I work in the industry, I was reluctant n having a relationship with any models I met before.
    Great article.

  • Sankara

    Whoa, after talking about my tumultuous relationship with a model met on a casting last year with my therapist, I found that article and sadly have to agree to most of it.
    It describe her perfectly except for the phone part.
    Being with her for a year now, it’s an every day challenge and I often describe her as a mess.That’s why, even if I work in the industry, I was reluctant n having a relationship with any models I met before.
    Great article.

  • Bob

    You lost me at “short fobby asian man.” Come on, wtf. You’re implying that attractive is tall and white, and unattractive is short and asian, am I right? Give me a fuckin break.

  • Bob

    You lost me at “short fobby asian man.” Come on, wtf. You’re implying that attractive is tall and white, and unattractive is short and asian, am I right? Give me a fuckin break.

  • MissSophia

    LMAO!!!  As a hot crazy mess myself, I was laughing the whole way through. 

    Pretty much a perfect description of me, and other hot crazy messes I have known. 

    My boyfriend tells me all the time when I drive him crazy, “you are lucky you are so hot!”

  • MissSophia

    LMAO!!!  As a hot crazy mess myself, I was laughing the whole way through. 

    Pretty much a perfect description of me, and other hot crazy messes I have known. 

    My boyfriend tells me all the time when I drive him crazy, “you are lucky you are so hot!”

  • MissSophia

     Not all hot messes are cruel or lack empathy, they are just a big hot mess. 

  • MissSophia

     Not all hot messes are cruel or lack empathy, they are just a big hot mess. 

  • Tiny Warrior

    Also applies to male models

  • Tiny Warrior

    Also applies to male models

  • Sarah

     Haha, that’s hilarious. I believe it!

  • Sarah

     Haha, that’s hilarious. I believe it!

  • disqus_66cihN0R3d
  • Smarterthankeepsmilin

    A real winner ^

  • Smarterthankeepsmilin

    Women don’t know the difference between confidence and absolutely absurd logic.