Why Good Girls Love Badboys

By Sarah Ann


Sarah Ann, your female dating consultant, here!

There is constantly an ongoing discussion of who is to blame in the “badboys versus the entire female population” controversy. By this I mean the pre-conceived notion that women only want to date guys who ride motorcycles, smoke, drink too much, and wear leather jackets like James Dean. Give me a break!

On the one hand we have the guys who claim they’re only giving women what they want by acting in an “asshole-standoffish- insulting” kind of way. On the other hand, we have indecisive women who claim they want a “nice guy.”

How did we arrive here?

I’d say there are blames to be placed on both sides. However, the bottom line is that the female opinion of males, both nice guys and badboys, has been shaped over hundreds of years by the male approach towards women and more recently, the portrayal of love and sex in the media. So, without further adieu, I present to you a list of potentially controversial reasons why women love the badboy.

Most women don’t know what they want…

So they want you to tell them. It is in my experience that most women have only a vague recollection of what they want in a possible mate. I sure don’t know exactly what I want and to be honest, I doubt I will ever be able to pull a list off the top of my head. Wouldn’t it be nice for a guy to waltz in and take a little control, take some of that worry away from me?

I mean, I’m a very independent person, but my life is complicated enough without having to worry about these dating things… I say this with some amount of sarcasm, but the sentiment is true. Women are often as confused about men as men are about women. We don’t have the time or desire to deal with the trivialities of fickle, pushover guys and often find ourselves handing the reins over to a more dominant, badboy type.

The women who do “know what they want” are lying:

Sure, women list qualities like humor, kindness, and general compatibility when searching for a mate, but when such qualities are presented, most females send him off with a “you’re a really great friend.” Ouch.

Where did these guys go wrong?

Are men to blame for this lackluster, pushover behavior?

Are women to blame for having unrealistic and contradictory expectations in men?

Generally speaking, a lot of girls respond to guys who act like they don’t want them because most girls have the innate need to be wanted, sexually or not, by other individuals and they feel driven to validate themselves by cultivating a man’s desire for them. It goes way back to the nurturing female state of mind.

Guys recognize that girls respond to this behavior and it has been spreading like wildfire ever since the dawn of… well… mating! Men take on this mysterious, badboy image that exudes sex and a come-hither-if-you-dare attitude because they know women are drawn to it.

Women are bored!

On a certain level I feel like women know exactly what’s going on with these badboys because it’s also in their genetic makeup to protect themselves from predators. However, I feel that most women are generally so bored by the types of guys they meet on a daily basis that they can’t really control how they feel when something different presents itself.

I am completely guilty of falling for the wrong type of guy because I’ve had nothing better presented to me. There is an allure about these types of men that attracts women simply out of their boredom with Mr. Average Joe Nice Guy. For better or worse, this “badboy” image is that new and different thing these women have been unknowingly looking for.

Badboys look sexy in the movies!

The media hasn’t helped much. There are hundreds of movies portraying the good girl meeting the bad guy and changing him. Girls like the idea of the “fixer upper.” This is a guy that they believe they can reform, socially, religiously, physically–the list goes on and on. It’s a challenge and challenges are exciting. (Plus… I don’t know about you, but motorcycles, explosions, and men who can handle danger are just sexy sometimes!)

Women genetically respond to dominance.

I’d like to be clear on one point. As a member of the highly controversial PUA community, I feel there is a fine line between being an asshole and being dominant. When I say dominant I don’t mean control the woman’s life. What I really mean is confidence. This is also the type of guy who will take charge, be assertive, and make plans.

Women respond to this behavior because it is rare, especially in an initial meeting, but it’s a quality that helps men to genetically advance their line. Evolutionarily speaking, dominant men represent the good hunter-gatherers who could protect, provide, and feed, whereas the nice guy represents a more nurturing type. Women I feel are genetically attracted to dominance because it helps them find someone who can kill a lion and take care of them, whether they like it or not.

Women like a challenge but…

The line gets blurred against the favor of badboys when men confuse confidence with just being rude or negative. There is a “technique” in the pick up artist community called “negging.” The idea is the PUA (pick up artist) insults the target (the girl he’s interested in) so that it creates an emotional feeling towards him that he can later change in his favor; it also tends to create a desire in the woman to validate and prove herself to the guy.

Basically he insults the girl so that she doesn’t know she’s the target. I see this technique used all of the time but very poorly. The guy thinks he’s being clever, when really he’s just being rude. I myself have been a target of rude, negging behavior.

It’s just in bad form and there’s a difference between good-natured teasing and being rude that many guys just don’t understand. Negging also requires a higher level of pick up that, quite frankly, only about .05% of the pick up population is actually in. O.K., I exaggerate, but the overwhelmingly large amount of men that practice the art of negging versus the amount of times women are just insulted is astounding.

What I do know is that guys like you have the potential to be the most interesting and confident man a woman has ever spoken to. That may seem like a tall order, and unless you’re a woman, you probably can’t relate to this sentiment. But ultimately, as a man, it is your job to be the most interesting man she’s ever spoken to. You can’t expect to find the woman of your dreams unless you’re willing to become the man of hers first.

This type of mentality is what sets the assholes apart from the men.

When you’re ready to learn how to project the badboy confidence without crossing the line into assholery, take one of our bootcamps to give you that complete HOLISTIC confidence that breaks down your limiting beliefs, destroys your approach anxiety, and GIVES you the complete skillset to holding attractive, amazing conversations with the most beautiful women in the world.