How do we, as men, know if a woman is interested in us?
In pick up artist parlance, one way (not the best, but most common) is by reading a woman’s “Indicators of Interest”or IOIs. To put it simply, an Indicator of Interest is some verbal or nonverbal display of her attraction to you. She’s sending you signals that she likes you, whether it’s her touching your arm or the beautiful girl telling you outright that she finds you attractive.
Unfortunately, too many guys, pick up artists or not, are making these 10 mistakes when it comes to IOIs.
Indicators of Interest List: 10 Mistakes to Understanding IOIs
- Looking for Indicators of Interest: I hate to break this to you, guys, but you’re not going to get any. Don’t look for them. Unless the girl clubs you over the head and drags you off to make out in the back of the bar, you’re not going to understand her subtle hints anyway. So stop over-analyzing her movements, behaviors and body language – they don’t mean a thing. Be confident and game forward.
- Relying on Indicators of Interest: I have been in situations where I honestly don’t know if the girl found me physically attractive in the first place (and I’m secure enough in myself to admit that most women simply do not find my 5 foot 5 inches Asian physique the ideal sexual specimen), but I’m pretty sure I MADE her attracted to me afterwards. I am not an altogether persuasive man, but what I am is a force of charisma, dominance and personality. In essence, I gamed forward in the absence of any IOIs.
- Thinking Race Isn’t a Factor: I’m Asian. More often than not, non-Asian girls assume that Asian men only date Asian women. They don’t even bother sending signals because they don’t think it’s going to go anywhere. This is something we as Asian PUAs can change, but we need to dominate with our game before this happens and display our own masculine, sexual charisma and confidence.
- Thinking Asian Girls Aren’t Different: Many Asian women do NOT give signals. Period. I know, it’s weird, but trust me. I’m sure it has something to do with the culture and how they’re supposed to be seen as mild-mannered and quiet. Even so, it’s still an issue and if you’re going for this kind of girl, you need to remember that. And it’s not just limited to Asian girls, there are a certain subtype of girls that WILL NOT GIVE IOIs even if their life depended on it. In my experience, you just have to game on, pile through, and see if they pass the compliance test. Remember compliance tests are better than IOIs and not passing a compliance test is NOT the same thing as her FAILING a compliance test.
- Thinking Too Much About Them:
Too many PUAs are obsessed about trying to find Indicators of Interest that they scour online PUA forums for lists of IOIs, but instead it becomes a CRUTCH for them to NOT talk to a girl. They’re unconsciously training themselves to only talk to a girl that’s giving HIM signals first. That’s not confidence, that’s just playing it safe. What are you going to do? Keep COUNT of IOIs and signals in the middle of flirting? HELL NO! Use your confidence and personality to MAKE her attracted. You never know, she may be in the beginning phase of being attracted to you or she can be persuaded via your game to BE attracted to you.
- Making Excuses: Saying things like “I’m looking for signals before I make a move” or “I can’t try anything unless I know whether or not she’s interested” sounds like a good plan initially; after all, no harm in playing it safe, right? Except, of course, there IS harm. If you’re waiting for a girl to give you signals before approaching, you will be waiting a VERY long time. This is one of the highest beta behavioral characteristics in unsuccessful men, Asian and non-Asian alike.
- Skipping the Compliance Test: A compliance test is, in short, asking the woman to comply to a favor or request to see how into you she really is. A quick and easy test is to simply ask to move to a different location of the bar or club. If she accepts and does what you ask, she’s becoming more interested in you. Read this article about the C-Phase: Compliance, Comfort & Connect! Compliance tests are the only REAL way to find out if she likes you and is far, FAR more powerful than simple IOIs.
- Experience Matters: Think back to jr. high and high school…what were you doing at the time? Were you making out behind the bleachers during football games? Or were you not in attendance because you were cramming for the SATs so you could get into the top schools? Chances are, if you’re Asian, you were doing the latter. Not to say that all Asians conform to stereotypes, but, unfortunately, it’s just in our culture to hold off on girls until we get school squared away. Mix this in with our already timid dating culture and you find that an estimated 33% of Asian men simply don’t know what to do in the club scene. While this can be overcome, it’s an active process that must be worked on all the time. You have to get experience in order to know what you’re doing with Indicators of Interest!
- Getting Frustrated: Alright, alright. So there are some signals out there that a woman will give you if she really is interested, but you CANNOT rely on these. They are more often than not too subtle for you to understand anyway, and that’s not an insult – women, especially beautiful women, are just too good at flirting and seduction, and the better they are, the more subtle the hints. For example: making and holding eye contact is going to be a little more assertive; she wants to talk to you if she maintains the eye contact. Playing with her hair, however, is so subtle that she probably doesn’t even know she’s doing it, as it’s a subconscious thing. Touching and saying she likes something about you are even more aggressive indicators of interest, and complying with a request is one of the stronger hints a girl can give you. Again, though, DO NOT RELY ON THESE. For those of us who are average or not-so average looking, we aren’t going to receive a lot of IOIs due to our passive value. At least not initially. Also, if you’re an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) you don’t know where and how to look for them even if you were getting IOIs. I only listed them because there are curious minds out there. However, if you listen to only one point of my ten point article and ignore the rest, your game WILL NOT IMPROVE. I’m sorry, but it’s true.
- Not Taking a Bootcamp: Yes, this is important. Why? Because if you’re asking me about signals then I fear for your game. We take guys (and yes, about 33% of our PUA bootcamp clients are non-Asian) that need that extra push and show them the ropes; teach them what to do and how to do it. It’s incredibly beneficial and can do nothing but help. I don’t need to advertise because my lifestyle advertises for me – I date beautiful women on a regular basis, and I’m just like many of you. I used to be a rocket scientist and I lost a lot of time that I could have spent on refining my game. As you can see, that has not stopped me now. I know I can help you because I live and breathe the results.
After reading this article, I hope you’ve learned to not look for signals or, worse, waiting for her to make the first move.
As a man and aspiring PUA, it is up to YOU to take charge and push through. So, next time, instead of searching for hints and missing your opportunity, just GO for it. As the great Wayne Gretzky said:
“You miss 100% of the shots that you DON’T take.”
If you still need convincing about the success rate of this approach, try one of the many ABCs of Attraction bootcamps available in all major cities.