There’s an age-old adage that reads, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” For we Asian men, this simple phrase can lead to life-long benefits for you as well as the Asian men around you by becoming an Asian role model. We live in a society that, let’s face it, does not have a very high regard for Asian men, and provides plenty of reminders of that in mainstream public media.
It would be foolish to think that the images, advertisements, and TV & movie portrayals of Asian men will change overnight (if ever). However, I have discovered that the process of making a conscious effort to confidently and deliberately change the way I walk, talk, behave, and convey myself as an Asian role model produces lasting effects that reach far and wide into the lives of those around me.
After spending many years carefully refining every aspect of my life, I have come up with a list of 10 simple steps that every Asian man can do in his own life to not only have a positive influence on the way mainstream America views Asian men in general, but also lead his fellow Asian brothers by example.
10. Volunteer for a youth mentoring program.
There are plenty of organizations out there who are looking for responsible grown-ups like yourself to impart your wordily knowledge unto youth of all backgrounds who are eager to learn and get a head-start in academics, in a career, and in life. Maybe they don’t have an older brother, uncle, or Father who can teach them how to be a man. Maybe they don’t have a supportive family network to back them up.
Well, here’s your chance to man-up and do something positive for your community, starting with one person. One of my coaches, William, is always telling me about how much fun he’s having doing mentoring (he’s been doing it for about 7 years now), how rewarding it is, and how it forces him to stay on top of his A-game because the act of guiding someone else in something automatically compels you to make yourself a better person.
9. Get ripped.
At the most basic level, we humans are visual creatures. I’m all for the utopian view that all persons are created equal, but at the end of the day, you need to look like you take care of your body in order for anyone to think of you even remotely as a role model of any kind. If a person is muscular, people automatically think that that person is capable.
I can’t begin to tell you how many scrawny, stick-figure-like, scare-crow looking Asian men I see in my day-to-day life. It’s really unfortunate that Asian culture does not value physical size, strength, and stature. We live in a society that HIGHLY values these things, so get to the gym, get a personal trainer, and do what you need to do in order to learn how to build up your musculature and physique.
8. Get clothes that fit.
Roll your seat about a foot back from your computer desk right now, and look down. Is the color on your shirt and/or pants faded? Does your shirt conform to the shape of your chest or does it hang loosely? Can you pinch the fabric on your jeans (or slacks) more than an inch away from your skin? Do your socks have holes in them? Do your shoes shine when under direct light?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, something’s gotta change. Women (and even men!) respond to, and look up to, men who are well dressed. That doesn’t mean you need to wear crazy expensive stuff– it just needs to fit. Bring your smart phone to the nearest magazine stand, snap a few photos of the advertisements in some magazines like GQ and Esquire, and take them to H & M to buy clothes that look similar.
Then, take those clothes to a tailor and get them altered so that they fit you. A young, naive, inexperienced, and unsophisticated middle-school or high-school student wears clothes without getting them tailored. You’re a man, and you want to be a role model for those around you. Throw away your worn out and faded clothes, get new ones, and get them tailored.
7. Get your finances in order.
The only thing worse than an Asian guy that no one respects is an Asian guy that no one respects who also is flat out broke. You will not be able to improve your own life, (let alone the lives of others), if your finances are not in order. Pay off 100% of your credit card debt (or set up a plan to do so), pay your credit card bills in full EVERY month, and check your credit report twice per year.
Then, set up a separate savings account that acts like a one-way street– you put money into it every month and never take money out. Even if it’s $1.00, it’s still worth it to do this. Get in the habit of keeping track of where you spend your money, and set up a monthly plan for depositing a fixed dollar amount into that savings account.
Trust me, when this part of your life is under control, people around you will sense that you’re a person they can rely on. It will add to your overall confidence through subtle, non-verbal cues (even if you don’t realize that it’s happening).
6. Get your career in order.
No girl wants to tell their friends, family members, and definitely not their parents– that they’re dating a guy who doesn’t have a job and has no aspiration and/or plan to get one. No person in their right mind will ever think of such a person as even remotely in the category of “role model.”
Not sure what you want to do? Try working for a temp agency. You’ll be able to work for lots of different companies with a flexible schedule. It’ll give you a chance to network with lots of professionals at various levels within each respective company, and it’ll give you enough cash to stay afloat until you can find a career path that works for you.
Don’t know how to write a resume? You’re going to need one in order to even get started. Pick up a copy of Knock ‘Em Dead 2012 by Martin Yate.
5. Move out of your mom’s place.
While it may be perfectly normal for a guy to live at home with his mom well into his mid-30’s in Asia, that sort of thing is not going to fly here in America. If you’re out of college, you seriously need to either move into your own apartment (by yourself or with room mates), or start working on a plan to get there.
Being that we’re talking about what makes a role model here, think about all the strong, confident, independent role models in your life that you look up to. Now, imagine one of those heroic people, but sleeping in on a twin sized mattress in a room filled with G.I. Joe and Transformer action figures at their parent’s house. It doesn’t exactly bring to mind the image of a larger-than-life role model, does it?
That said, check in with some like minded buddies who also want to move out, and make it happen. Or ideally, if you can afford it, get your own place.
4. Pimp your pad
Moving into your own place is all well and good, but going back to the earlier thought of those role models you had in mind– imagine if you got to meet one of them in person, and they invited you to their home for some coffee and conversation, and as soon as you walk in you see that they live in a cluttered, dirty, smelly, cramped apartment?Not role-model material for you?
Now think about how you want to present yourself to others and be an Asian role model for your fellow Asian brothers who haven’t even made it this far. Make your home as inviting as possible. Set it up so that people (girls especially) feel comfortable being there. Treat your home as an extension of your own body– keep it in order.
3. Host regular social events.
Nobody wants to be around a guy who has no life and no friends, much less look up to him as a role model. By hosting a regular (weekly or bi-weekly) social events, you give yourself a way for people to easily hang out with you. There are a few caveats to this– you have to make it fun, and you have to get your girl to guy ratio to be as close to 2 : 1 as possible.
Anything less than that and you’re pretty much guaranteeing that your event will turn into a dude-fest. Tell your guy friends that they have to show up to your event with two girls. Make them meet their two female friends somewhere else, and then show up at the door with both of them together. Why? Because guys are lazy and they would be perfectly ok showing up and saying, “the girls will come later,” and let you later find out that they’re not coming.
With this kind of event, success breeds success, and the more girls you bring in, the more other girls will want to join. Regarding the “fun” aspect, make it a regular event where you try a new restaurant every week (or two weeks), Or, make it a weekly pot-luck dinner at your place, Food is always a fun event because it’s social, it’s accessible to all people (anyone can bring some take-out if they can’t cook), and girls love pot-luck dinners equally as much as they like trying new restaurants.
Plus, girls like hanging out with guys who have female friends. (Not sure how to make new female friends? Call us at 888-689-GAME) If you want to be a role model to those around you, having lots of female friends meet up with you on a regular basis is hands down one of the most effective ways to do it.
2. Learn how to meet, attract, and date women.
Ok, you’ve figured out how to bring in lots of women into your social circle. They think you’re fun, and they like being around you. You’re in the friend zone. Awesome. This is the point where you’ve got to take your A-game to the next level and learn how to get romantically involved with lots and lots of girls. I’ll leave it up to you to decide on what “romantically involved” means– dating, one night stands, friends with benefits, fuck buddies, long term relationships, open relationships, or even the ethereal “it’s complicated.”
One way or the other, you must have lots of women in your life (separate from your female platonic friends) with whom you are romantically involved with. Again, I must return back tot he original theme of this article, which is how to be a role model for your fellow Asian brothers. Think about the male role models you’ve had in your life. I highly doubt that any of these people would be categorized as monks who abstain from sex. They are most likely strong, confident, alpha males that you look up to because they represent a masculine ideal that women are attracted to.
Now, I’m not saying that a role model can’t be a total brainiac, but I am saying that a role model who isn’t sexually appealing to women can never be a full and complete role model. Similarly, if you are not sexually appealing to women, then you cannot be a complete man.
Yeah, I know this sounds cliche, but at the end of the day, you ain’t empowered if you ain’t good with women. Now, what better way to demonstrate that to yourself, your woman (or women), and everyone who sees you two together as a couple, that Asian men are awesome.
Are you unsure of how to meet, attract, and date women? Sign up for the ABCs of Attraction bootcamp today! 888-689-GAME.