Hi there, my name is JT Tran and I did not grow up thinking I would become a dating coach.
For most of my early life, dating was not even part of the picture.
I grew up Asian in the American South, specifically Texas, at a time when anti-Asian sentiment was not subtle, ironic, or academic. It was direct. Loud. Personal. I am a Vietnamese American, and I grew up during a period when anti-Japanese hysteria and lingering anti-Vietnamese sentiment were still very real. As a kid, I did not have the language to describe what I was experiencing, but I felt it. Being bullied. Being othered. Being reminded that I did not belong.
At first, I did not think much of it. Kids are resilient that way. But over time, the message became clearer. I was different, and not in a way society valued.
From Overt Racism to Invisibility
When I went to college, I thought things would change.
College was supposed to be freedom. A fresh start. A new environment with new people, new opportunities, and new possibilities, especially socially.
Instead, I encountered a different problem.
In the South, racism was overt. In college, it was quiet.
I was no longer being called names. I was not being bullied. I was simply invisible.
I was smart. Driven. On scholarship. Doing all the things Asian kids are told will lead to success. And yet socially, I had no value. I did not go on my first date until I was 20. I did not have my first kiss until I was 20. I was completely ignored.
I attended a predominantly white college in Florida with a highly technical demographic. I noticed something quickly. Asian students, especially international students, were almost entirely segregated from the rest of the campus. They were not included socially. They were not dating. They were not part of the broader social ecosystem. I was one of the very few Asian Americans there, caught between worlds.
By sheer luck, I ended up with a college girlfriend during my sophomore year. She was a tall, pretty blonde white girl. Looking back, I now understand why she was attracted to me. Why she choose me. At the time, all I felt was relief. Gratitude. A sense that maybe I was not broken after all. That someone, anyone, saw value in me as a human being and as a man.
The truth is, she chose me during a moment when I was in a rare, unguarded state of confidence.
I walked into a room full of my friends, guys I was genuinely happy to see, and my energy was high. I was social. Relaxed. Not trying to impress anyone. Later, she told me, “You lit up the room.”
What I did not realize then was that attraction was not something I either had or did not have. It was something that could be created, sometimes accidentally.
The Big City Lie
After graduating, I moved to Los Angeles.
Like many Asian men, I believed the story we are sold. Get the degree. Get the job. Make the money. Everything else will follow. I became an aerospace engineer. Literal rocket science. I made good money. I drove a Mercedes. I lived near the beach.
I thought I was the big man on campus.
Reality hit hard.
Online dating rejected me so thoroughly that eHarmony refunded my money, telling me I was “too cerebral” and that they could not find me a match. Speed dating went just as badly. I was being rejected not for a lack of effort, but for a lack of something I could not yet name.
That was the moment it clicked.
I was smart. I was disciplined. I was capable of learning complex systems. There was no reason dating should be exempt from that.
From Luck to Agency
I dove into psychology, communication, and applied social dynamics. Not as a collection of tricks, but as a skillset.
What I discovered was liberating. Dating success was not reserved for tall, handsome men who were born with natural advantages. There was both an art and a science to attraction.
The process was brutal.
I went through what I now call beginner’s hell. Awkward approaches. Rejection. Confusion. Emotional swings. Eventually, I became competent. Then consistent. Then skilled.
I started writing about my experiences on what became known as the Asian Playboy Blog. It was half personal journal, half social commentary. It resonated, not because I was special, but because Asian men around the world recognized themselves in my story.
It gained a massive following because I was freely discussing my successes, my failures, my adventures and my misadventures in all their romantic and unromantic glory messes. I’d eventually become known as the World’s Greatest Asian Pickup Artist and voted USA’s #1 Asian Dating Coach.
You can see my interview on ABC Nightline or my talks at Ivy League universities from Harvard University, Wharton School of Business, University of Chicago and Yale.
But before all that, one day, I received a call that changed everything.
A Chinese Canadian mother contacted me about her teenage son, who had been harassed by neo-Nazis. She was scared. She did not know who else to turn to.
I told her, “Ma’am, for three days and three nights, I will be the big brother he never had.”
That was the beginning of the ABCs of Attraction.
Why JT Tran Created the ABCs of Attraction
I did not want to create another pickup program filled with routines, gimmicks, and robotic behavior.
Asian men already struggle with stereotypes. Teaching them to act inauthentically only reinforces those stereotypes.
Instead, I created a holistic system built on three pillars.
- Inner Game focuses on emotional regulation, confidence, identity, and mindset.
- Outer Game focuses on body language, tonality, grooming, fashion, and presence.
- Verbal Game focuses on communication, intent, calibration, and escalation.
This became the ABCDEF System. It was designed not just to help men get dates, but to grow into confident, well-rounded individuals over time.
ABCDEF Dating System
My goal was simple:
Be successful BECAUSE you’re an Asian man, not in SPITE of being Asian.
The Asian Dating Coach Philosophy Today
I do not believe Asian men need to become whitewashed to succeed.
I do not believe confidence comes from affirmations or pretending to be someone you are not.
Confidence is earned. Through action. Through feedback. Through growth.
I have coached thousands of men across the United States, Europe, Australia, Latin America and beyond. I have worked with engineers, doctors, immigrants, ESL students, and men who were convinced they were beyond help.
What they all needed was not permission.
They needed skills. Repetitions. And someone to show them what was possible.
Who I Help, and Who I Do Not
I help Asian men who are willing to take responsibility for how they show up in the world. (And yes, I also help non-Asian men too 🙂
I do not help men who want shortcuts, blame women, or refuse to look inward.
Dating is not about manipulation. It is about value exchange. Presence. Emotional leadership.
You do not become confident by waiting.
You become confident by acting.
Final Thought
For most of my life, I thought confidence was something you were either born with or without.
I was wrong.
It is learnable.
However, only if you are willing to step into the real world, take social risks, and put in the work.
That has always been the work.
And that is why I do what I do.
JT Tran is an Asian dating coach and founder of the ABCs of Attraction, a holistic system that helps Asian men build confidence, improve communication, and succeed in dating in the West.