Many people have a lot of myths, misconceptions and stereotypes about the PUA community and being a pickup artist.
As a wing-girl for the ABCs of Attraction (one of the few reputable professional PUA companies) it behooves me to set the matter straight as not only a woman, but also as someone who has worked with so many students and seen them grow as better, more confident men.
I understand that JT Tran cannot be responsible for all the preconceptions and biases that people have about pickup artists, but that’s because what he does is more a calling to help his brothers be successful with women, life and to battle racism and prejudices of being an Asian man than it is a job to make money.
That being said, you should understand I speak only for our company and not all the PUAs out there, although there are plenty of other great (and not so great) dating coaching companies. I’ll also be the first to admit, I’ve had the misfortune to run into some of the weird kind of PUAs from the peacocky, the obnoxious and the grabby PUAs.
Fortunately, the ABCs of Attraction is nothing like them. So here are the Ten Myths & Misconceptions about the ABCS of Attraction and why we’re different than the rest.
Myth #1: It’s About Asian Men Worshiping Blonde White Women
Yes, I know it almost seems hypocritical of me to comment on this misconception. I mean, I am a blond, (and not to be conceited) pretty Caucasian girl. And all over this website are pretty, blonde girls with Asian men, right? That’s the ABCs gimmick, right??
Not really. Or as JT explained to me, and I’ve come to see in the students I’ve worked with, a significant (not all as I’ve been- albeit rarely- approached by an Asian man or two) percentage of Asian men literally DO NOT THINK that white women will date, much less talk to, them.
For example, I remember this conversation with one of my girlfriends that went a little like this which I posted on my Facebook:
Today a good friend who happens to be a very attractive white girl and I were discussing guys (surprise!). The types of guys and our experiences with different races came up and she said that she didn’t like Asians. I asked why.
She replied, “They don’t like me.”
I said, “Why do you think that?” and shockingly (sarcasm) she said, “They never talk to me and Asians just don’t like me because I’m too tall.”
Wow. Not surprisingly I hear this all of the time. It goes both ways; a lot of Asians are paranoid because they think white girls in general aren’t attracted to them and these girls in turn may assume that these hot Asian guys just aren’t interested in them.
VORTEX OF ASSUMPTION AND MISUNDERSTANDING!!!!!!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!! HAHA
It’s this massive misunderstanding feedback loop: the guy doesn’t think the girl likes him, so he doesn’t talk to her, which makes the girl think the guy doesn’t like her, so she starts not liking him, and it creates this self-fulfilling prophecy.
And the way that JT explained it to me was that when he was getting the website designed, his intent was to promote a positive lifestyle (by teaching holistic confidence) and image for Asian men (by being a good role model who fought stereotypes and racism). And unlike all the other dating coaching companies, he wanted to use images that would promote healthy interracial dynamic instead of just buying plain ol’ stock photos of random models.
EXCEPT HE COULDN’T FIND A SINGLE ASIAN MAN WITH NON-ASIAN GIRL STOCK PHOTOS. Like none!!
So instead, he’s used photos from women that he or someone from the ABCs Team has romantically connected with to prove to the Asian men out there that it IS possible to date beautiful women outside your race. So literally every female image on our website is someone that an ABCs trainer has dated in one form or another.
And yes, before you ask, I also have dated an ABCs instructor.
Proof is in the pudding, as JT always says. He’s basically trying to show that the ABCs trainers talk the talk and walk the walk. I know he wants to have images of other women like black girls, Latin girls, and whatnot, but stock images of Asian men with beautiful non-Asian women are next to non-existent and it’s already expensive enough as it is to setup a photoshoot and purchase the legal rights to the images.
So it isn’t about Asian men worshiping white women. It’s about humanizing both groups of people. Showing Asian men that it is possible to date beautiful women outside your race and to show white (and other women) that Asian men do want to date us.
Myth #2: JT Exploits Asian Men and the Asian American Community
Unfortunately, JT Tran is constantly met with disdain for supposedly trying to help the Asian-American male community. This could not be further from the truth.
Creating the ABCs of Attraction was never something he intended to do or to be an Asian Dating / Life Coach. It just happened to be that he was one of the original Asian American bloggers who was quite frank in his writings, documenting his failures and successes. People who read it, either gravitated and supported or withdrew and attacked.
This became more than a career or job for him, it became a calling to help his Asian brothers out.
Say what you will, there are, in every ethnicity, groups of men that need help. White, Black, Latino or Asian, there are men that need this assistance in being better with women and themselves. However, and this is where a lot of controversy arises; even though the PUA industry is run by Caucasians, the actual revenue generated by Asian men is 20-30%.
According to the US Census in the year 2000, the total number of Asian males above the age of 15 that have never married is 1,352,040. It doesn’t matter what your politics are, nor does it matter if you like him or don’t like him, but we are the only minority-run company that addresses this issue.
So no, he doesn’t speak for all Asian-Americans and not all Asian men need his help, but I think he definitely speaks for a significant enough portion of AAs who have the right to voice their valid concerns about the gender dating imbalance and he wants to see that number of unmarried Asian men decrease.
Myth #3: We Only Teach Asians
When signing up for on of our bootcamps, a common question I hear is “Do I have to be Asian to take your program?”
The truth is, our clientele, because of who JT Tran is, is 50-75% Asian. One thing we’ve seen is, when you look at our reviews, we always trump other companies. The truth is, every time we’ve taught a White or Black client, they have almost always gotten laid that weekend or even a threesome – one White guy got a foursome!
In order to train our students to be this successful, however, we have to be better and have to have higher standards than other companies. While other companies are taking in average joes of all races and teaching for all races, we teach a good portion of our curriculum to Asian men. This is because they are so incredibly inexperienced that they are almost children; not losers, but simply socially underdeveloped like someone who’s never exercised a muscle before.
As such, they are completely impressionable, where they walk in and we build them from the ground up. I wish our students were tall and good-looking but most of our students are average-looking. The ABCs is not for just Asians but, in the words of an Asian alumni, “It is the ONLY program that will work for Asians.”
The non-Asians who have taken our program receive a Bruce Lee-style ass-whoopin’- Chuck Norris got nothin’ on us.
Myth #4: Men Who Get Into The Community Are Weirdos and Losers
Now I can’t speak of the students that attend other programs. The ones that I have seen and worked with, including millionaires, CEOs, lawyers and actors that you might meet on TV (including a summer blockbuster that’s premiered this year), however, are anything but that. Our students have ranged from incredibly good looking body builders to highly successful, but shy nice guys.
The female reporters (including one Emmy-winning journalist) that have attended our programs are generally surprised at the students – they’re usually shy, highly educated, but at their core are driven yet socially inexperienced men. They have a house, job and car but at the expense of their social life. They’re the “Paper Tigers” of the worlds, smart and driven to success, but they haven’t worked on their emotional intelligence and social experience which has left them incredibly successful men, but no one to share it with.
These are the type of men ABCs of Attraction usually teach.
Myth #5: You Have to Dress Weird and “Peacock” Like a Gay Leprechaun
Peacocking, for those who don’t know, is when a man dresses in a unique fashion to differentiate himself from the other men in the room. It can be as simple as a flashy necklace to a flamboyantly glitzy shirt with crosses and bling, nice snakeskin boots and top it off with a cowboy hat.
Everyone else thinks he’s mismatched but it’s with the intention of drawing women towards him. In his mind, dressing 10 levels above the rest will get him the best results. Without a doubt, JT and Gareth, at any given venue, are the most stylish gentlemen there. Their sartorial abilities are without peer.
While they do dress better than the rest, it’s never at the expense of social propriety – they’re dressed 2 levels above, not 10. Usually dressed as the rocker, the bad boy or the smooth operator, they’re not out of place as someone that peacocks would be. They know how to dress better correctly and be fashionably edgy while far too many would-be PUAs don’t know to peacock correctly.
Myth #6: You Have to Lie, Insult, Mistreat, and “Neg” Women
So many women have this misconception that it is the intent of every PUA to manipulate, lie to, tear down and put down women. I will not deny that there are those that operate in such a fashion, but the way I’ve seen JT teach his students to be romantically and sexually honest in their intent by being direct. I’ve not only witnessed this first-hand watching shy, young men go up to and compliment a beautiful woman to being an unintentional recipient of grateful students whose lives I’ve helped change.
Psychologists have found that, when you give a sincere compliment vs. and insincere compliment, you are more likely to achieve the desired effect. It is simply more enjoyable when in the presence of beautiful women to compliment them.
Whether it’s telling a woman she’s beautiful or complimenting her creative fashion sense, the ABCs of Attraction has undoubtedly created more Asian men complimenting beautiful women than anyone else. Negs are a tool, no doubt, but not one we employ often if at ABCs as too many PUAs don’t know how to neg correctly.
Myth #7: All Women Hate PUAs
“PUAs are all about sleeping with as many women as they can!”
“If a man says he’s a PUA I know he’s nothing but a man-whore!”
“A PUA doesn’t want a relationship – he just wants a one-night stand!”
“I know a PUA because they all sound the same, rehearsing the same lame old pickup lines!”
These and many more criticisms are supposedly uttered by women all around. When JT tells the women he meets what he does, however, they are usually interested in his holistic approach to dating and empowering Asian men. The ones that are against what he do are ones that…to be nice, that men would not want to date anyways. Some women know what it’s like to be attractive and find enjoyment in attractive people, so they are generally very supportive.
A lot of women also hate PUAs because of the overuse of rehearsed gimmicks and tactics. And I won’t lie, I too have been a recipient of same really lame gimmicks from wannabe PUAs who have approached me. And yes, quite a few have been obviously rehearsed and weird.
However, I won’t say that these tactics don’t have their place, but I feel that, in order for boys to become men, they need to learn the principles before the methodology. They need to learn that holistic confidence – to fight the fears and inner demons and master verbal attraction, to converse and to be interesting to convey values.
The one language that conquers all and is understood by everyone is body language. So while we have a few gambits that we give to our students as training wheels, I would say it makes no more than ten percent of our lesson plan. The rest deals with building them up and giving them the skills necessary to be successful.
Myth #8: Only Men Learn Pickup
“Women are the gatekeepers to sex but men are the gatekeepers to relationships.”
With that in mind, we do teach men how to achieve romantic success, but because once men form physical intimacy, the emotional relationship can then form. The women are equally responsible because they ultimately decide who they will have sex with.
Looking back, even before I joined the ABCs of Attraction, I was unintentionally using pickup tactics on the very guys that I found attractive. Albeit not very well, I’ll be the first one to admit, I have horrible girl game when I’m around a guy I like.
Rest assured that every single pretty woman learns as soon as she hits puberty is how to get a relationship.
Some of the most advanced pickup tactics I’ve ever seen are when we’ve hung out with Ethan Hawke, Quentin Taratino and Wesley Snipes, but it wasn’t the men picking up the women but the other way around. When a woman has her mind made up on picking up a man, what men learn with their PUA pales in comparison to what these women can do.
Myth #9: It’s All About Sex, Sex, Sex!!!
I don’t feel that it’s my place to judge a man, but statistics show that Asian men lose their virginity at an older age than other men. Asian men are the only ethnic group of men whose women outperform them.
I will not condemn a man who wants to spread his wings because his sexual conquests will pale in comparison to his peers. When we advocate physical intimacy, it’s to achieve confidence in pleasing a woman in bed, not just for his pleasure.
I don’t want a man to be chosen by a woman because she chose him initially, but to have him choose her because he wants to be with her. If a man is chosen by the woman, he denies himself the possibility of finding the woman of his dreams.
We’ve had a student that actually met and married a woman from one of our bootcamps. The truth is, not everybody wants to get laid, not everyone wants a girlfriend, not everyone wants to get married, but no one wants to die alone.
Myth #10: PUAs Have No Professionalism or Ethical Code of Conduct
While we are a legitimate company, it’s unfortunate that almost anyone can get into this business – if you have a website and a wingman, you can “make a business.” JT calls this “two wingman and a website.” They besmirch the industry with their shoddy sites and hastily put-together “curriculum.”
However, there is an area of credibility that no one in our industry can match. The ABCs of Attraction has been around for close to seven years. JT is one of three PUAs that has been interviewed on TV and featured at IVY LEAGUE Universities like Harvard University, Yale University and the University of Chicago.
When you show up at one of our bootcamps, we promise and deliver a standard of conduct, where you receive, every day, eight to ten hours of training with powerpoint presentations and workbook materials. We have trainers that go with you into the field, wing-girls like me who help you practice, approach coaches to do demonstrations, find women for you to talk to and then debrief you.
More than that, you get a pre-bootcamp package to help you prepare and then 12 weeks of post-bootcamps mission for free after you’ve graduated. Some companies will teach you a one-hour lecture at a restaurant table, show up at a club to get you in and then go home with their girlfriend or wife.
To us, that is totally unacceptable and a complete waste of your time and money. We have a code of conduct of ethics that we live by.
ABCs of Attraction is part of the Seduction Community, this is true. While it carries a certain stigma about it, the PUAs of today are not like PUAs of the past.
Even though there are a few companies out there that want to rip men off, we have hundreds of reviews, dozens of testimonials, and many media outlets singing our praises. When you sign up with us, you know you are signing up with a reputable company that truly wishes to see you succeed.
After all, it’s not just us that makes ABCs of Attraction so great – it’s all the hard-working students that improve themselves and their game that really speak for the company. With each and every success, our reputation increases in society’s eyes; eventually, the misconceptions will disappear and men everywhere will not be apprehensive to know the true value of ABCs of Attraction.