The lack of information in the PUA Community about taking women on actual first dates (much less dating and relationships) is a bit misleading. By the small amount of instruction and education the community and pick up artist forums offers, one tends to think that Same Night Sex is the majority of outcomes from cold-approach pickup. Frankly, it’s not.
I know we’ll be in a bit of hot water with the ‘Same Night Lay’ companies out there, but allow me to explain.
A cold-approach pickup is a tumultuous art that can result in several outcomes. From a cold-approach, you can get a number, you can get a makeout, you can get a makeout and a number, a Same Night Lay, or even the infamous double cold approach threesome made infamous by Johnny Wolf! Frankly, the possibilities are fairly numerous.
However, assuming you’re a normal guy and not an obsessive compulsive PUA Community guy with a warped perception of reality, then the most common (and emotionally healthy) outcome is a first date.
Since you and a lady have exchanged information at the club (or bar, or bookstore, or café) and she’s now chomping at the bit to see you, it’s your job to make the first move towards a first date both memorable, interesting and romantic. You’ve taken an ABCs Bootcamp or attended and pre-ordered Gareth Jones’ iGame: From Text To Sex program, so you already know how to get a girl’s number and get a date lined up (right?), so we’re going to skip that part and get right to discussing the rules and guidelines that make a date good so that you can set one up yourself.
If you ask 1,000 women to describe their idea of a perfect date, you’ll get a multitude of answers.
If you ask them to describe best date they’ve ever been on, you‘ll get even more; Some will say a guy took them rock climbing or some preferred a quiet date at the movies. I went out with a girl that said I took her on the best date of her life, and all we did was drink 2 Diet Cokes at the bar across the street and then make out on her couch for an hour before hopping in bed. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I can’t design the perfect date for you (I mean, I can, but I‘m not going to), but I can help you craft your own awesome date that she’ll never forget by teaching you the three rules of first dates. These are rules to live by.
First Date Rule #1 is all mental, and you have to accept it if you’re ever going to have a successful first date.
First Date Rule #1: The Man Is In Charge. Period.
Now, don’t get me wrong; this is not old-fashioned chauvinism. This is the only way to ensure everything happens the way we want it to. If we want to make sure we get to a location in a timely manner, we need to be in control of the mode of transportation, whether it be to drive or to research the transportation effectively. This is about being well-prepared, well-planned, and in control of logistics.
For example: If we want to make sure that place will be able to accommodate us when we do arrive, we need to make the reservations. If you want to make sure you don’t spend an hour getting lost, either have GPS or printed directions. Common sense first date rules.
Accept 100% of the responsibility so that if she offers to do something (foot the bill, get the drinks, order the deserts), it will not only be a weight off our shoulders, it will be a pleasant surprise.
When we accept 100% of the responsibility in arranging and executing a date, we are in complete control and being DOMINANT.
Now that we’re ready to design a date, we have to choose some things to do. It’s logic. I say “some things” because one activity does not a date make. ‘Going to dinner’ is not a date, it is going to dinner.
To make it a date, we must incorporate the second rule of ‘giving good date‘.
First Date Rule #2: Dates Need Multiple Locations (i.e. Mini-Dates)
Take time out to plan several places that you can bounce to in the event that one gets a bit stale. So many dinner dates fail because the woman feels trapped while guys struggle to talk about all the things she wants to hear. At best, you have a great conversation and at worst, you both awkwardly pick at your food and wish you were somewhere else.
I’ve been there and it’s no fun. You need to incorporate a few different locations (or activities) so that you can achieve different things on the date, not just talking and eating.
How do we choose the right places to go to on a first date? That is where rule #3 comes in:
First Date Rule #3: RESIST the Urge to “Give Bad Date”
In order to make sure these places you’re choosing are date-worthy, run through our RESIST checklist by asking yourself the following questions, making sure that you can ‘resist’ planning a lame date like every other guy.
The 5 Resist Questions you need to ask yourself are:
- Is It Romantic, Sensual, or Sexual?
First and foremost, dates are not “hanging out”, so let’s not assume they are. Don’t go to the places you go with your buddies when you need a cheap drink, make the effort to choose a place that is aesthetically pleasing and will help you create the story of a romantic first date.
Maybe it’s uber-romantic and has got soft jazz and candle light (good for strong connections), or maybe it’s less traditional and there’s rock on the juke box and kitschy, vintage colored lights (good for injecting some indie fun into a date). Either way, make sure there is an ambience that is different from her standard trip out of the house, so you can build the connection and create a movie-like experience.
- Is It Entertaining?
When you go to this new place, will you have to be constantly filling time with questions and stories about yourself, or will there be times where you can both sit back and enjoy the environment?
Whether it be a museum with interesting exhibits or an amusement park with a lot of things to see and do, make sure you’re in a dynamic environment that can stimulate her senses and take a little of the load off your back. Adrenaline is also a great addition to a date, so be sure to choose at least one location that gets her blood flowing, like bumper cars or rock climbing.
- Is It Simple?
This is the other side of the ‘Entertaining’ coin: You don’t want an activity that is too complicated to enjoy. Playing a game of ping-pong is a fun activity that is both competitive and simple, therefore, making a great date activity.
Entering into a Texas Hold ‘Em tournament might seem fun if you’re both into it, but it will be a very complicated affair . The two of you will be doing so many other things that you won’t have time to build a connection. On top of that, you will sacrifice most all of the other elements of a good date location, as well!
- Can You Isolate?
Whether it be to increase intimacy in conversation (building deeper rapport) or pure sexual escalation (when the time is right!), make sure that your location has the option of letting you two be alone.
Being on a date with someone that isn’t enjoying your company is pretty bad, but being on a date with a girl who is ready to go home with you when there’s nowhere to do it is even worse! Make sure that you two can get a little private time together, if need be.
- Is it Suitable?
This is a really important aspect of a date and fits in the VERY important category of “Calibration”. Is your date location somewhere you think your girl (or ANY girl) would want to go to, and is it even appropriate for a date, at all?
Good examples of places that are suitable for first dates are:
- Amusement parks
Bad examples of places that are NOT suitable for first dates are:
- The movies (how are you going to talk to her?)
- Family reunions (she‘ll feel awkward not knowing anyone!)
- Any kind of memorial (depressing!)
- Or hit-or-miss options that she might REALLY like (in which case, they would be good) or might not care about at all (like a concert or art gallery).
Hit or miss options are best saved for second or third dates, when you know the girl better.
- Where and How Do You Take Her Afterwards?
Much like ‘Isolation’ being able to extract from a particular location is really important. Whether it be to move to your next date location to jumpstart a fading night or to head back to your bedroom for the final element, does this place offer a quick opt-out so that you can move onwards and upwards?
Now that you’ve begun to understand the important elements, you can easily craft a great first date yourself. Start by arranging a time and place to meet, discussing travel details and then choose your locations!
A Few Helpful First Date Tips:
- You only need a few good locations to make a lasting impression: Choose places you know well and control the variables of.
- Enhance your strengths to Demonstrate Higher Value: If you are terrible at pool, playing pool is not a good date activity. Instead, head over to miniature golf, where you can teach her a thing or two, and look impressive while doing it (sorta).
- Always have something to talk about: Whether its writing interesting things down or practicing your improv and bantering skills, ALWAYS assume that you will be in control of the conversation for the first 30 minutes to an hour. Even if a woman is attracted to you, sometimes they’re waiting for you to give them something to go on. So have a few conversation topics ready and obviously, avoid the first date conversation killers: religion, politics, and death.
- Get it on your terms, but be sensitive to her: When making the date, be sure to be in control, but also know that things may arise that you didn’t expect. If she’s allergic to fish, swap out the sushi place to keep the date flowing smoothly
- Stay flexible: Along the lines of the last tip; having a plan is great, but it should not be limiting. If she keeps talking about how much she’d like to see a particular movie that neither of you have seen, head on over to the theaters to see when it’s playing, even if it’s not on the agenda or the ideal situation. Your spontaneity will impress her more than the arcade you had planned will.
Like anything, practice makes perfect, so be sure to refine and tweak each individual element, rule, and guideline every time you date so the next is always better than the last!
Good luck planning and executing your great first date!