subcommunication and expressiveness

I was angry.

No, I was not angry. I was furious.

I went to the bar, ordered a glass of water and jumped on a nearby
couch, almost crushing the bag of a girl that was sitting there. At
a different moment, this would have been a great opener, but at the
time, I couldn't care less.

This was the third time during the night that I had been blown out.
What was I doing wrong ?

Back then, I had been part of the community for only a few months,
and while I was using all the right words, maintaining a nice
style, having good body language and wasn't feeling much approach
anxiety, something seemed to be off. I just did not close as much I
should have.

However, I was not the only one experiencing this.

I knew many guys in the community that suffered from "social
roboticism." These guys had a large number of approaches under
their belts, they were using very sophisticated techniques, and yet
they seemed to lack that extra dimension needed to get results.

As I was thinking about this, I noticed that someone I knew had
just entered the venue: Marc, the natural. His game was entirely
different from what the community was proposing. Marc would simply
walk up to girls, fluff talk about random stuff, and most of the
time he would close the deal without the use of any "artificial"
material. He used to call us the "chemical" players, because we
were artificial, while he was natural. There was no negging, no
cold reading, or any kind of gimmicks. He wasn't what we'd call an
extremely Alpha guy, and at 5'7, he wasn't exactly tall either.

However, what he was doing had never been described in books
before. He had his own style.

There was only one figure in the world that reminded me of his
approach: the cartoon skunk known as Pepe LePew. Mark would leave a
very distinct aura when he was talking. He was always expressing
himself in a very cunning and sexual manner.

As I was watching him approaching some girls, deep in my brain,
some lazy thoughts started to wake up from their sleep.

And then something clicked.

What if what we say during a pick up doesn't really play such a big
role after all ? What if seduction primarily happens through
expressiveness, emotions, and non-verbal states ?

I had to learn more.

Within the next days, I spent my time reading psychology books and
interacting as much as I could with other seduction members.

For the first time, I was not acting, I was observing.

What I started noticing fascinated me. The best guys in seduction
were always the more expressive ones. While not all of them were
using the well-known seduction tools ... being the prize, gimmicks,
cold reading, story telling, indirect structured approaches or
other things ... they all shared one very distinct element.

Their non-verbal state was crystal clear, and it came always,
ALWAYS in one of the following flavors:

Overly Enthusiastic
Macho
Something I'd call "cunning playful"
Sexual
Interested in the people they were talking to

These are the five KEY states. The famous "cocky and funny" thing
combines just two of these states, macho and cunning-playful. If
you know Gunwitch (http://www.cliffslist.com/link/23), you'll
notice he mainly uses one of them, sexual. Actually, all of these
five states can (and should) be used with women to get great
results.

All the guys that did not share the same level of success were
lacking all of these states. While most of them knew the scripts
and routines, and had a very good body language and a structured
approach, they lacked the right expressiveness and their words
simply did not communicate enough to connect with the girls.

Guys that are good with women express their non-verbal state at a
maximum level, almost as if they are screaming it out loud, while
guys that are not good enough only seem to whisper it.

Day in day out, I kept observing the same patterns. People that
expressed their non-verbal states in the above ways connected
easily with girls while others kept struggling.

What about psychology books ? What did they have to say to support
or deny this observation ?

Our brain has evolved in layers. The human language, as an
invention, came only very recently in the history of our evolution.
As a result, most of our brains are built around reading the other
person's non verbal state FIRST, and THEN looking at the words to
see if they support the same state.

Non-verbal expressions come first and words come second. However,
most of the community is based on words, on what to say, thus
missing the most important communication channel: non-verbal
expressions. This is a direct result of the fact that these
elements are hard to pass through written communication. Written
field reports are great, but most of the time they describe WHAT
players said not HOW they say it, because it is much easier to
write about what you said last night than to describe how you said
it. This is the main reason why the online community has been more
about what to say than about how to say it with non-verbal states.

Each person has a number of nerve cells that copy the emotional
states of people around them. This is done through reading and
copying the non-verbal expressions and then testing to see how it
feels to be in another person's shoes. This is why, if you say the
same thing to someone in two different manners, it will trigger two
different reactions.

This primitive route can be used to pass on basic emotions like
sexual arousal and enthusiasm.

However, this channel can be used to decode more complex non-verbal
states, and this is what makes it very interesting for seduction.
Men and women have evolved to read non-verbal states that show
fertility and good genetic traits. Marilyn Monroe, for instance,
was not the most beautiful woman on the planet. However, through
hours and hours of practicing in front of a mirror, she devised a
devilish little plan to look like one. Afterward, she only
expressed herself by being always somewhere between very a childish
and very sexual state. And that mix sent men out of the theaters
steaming ...

Why did she choose to look childish ? Because this signals youth,
and men are hardwired to react to this trait as long as it comes
from an adult looking woman. This is logical from a reproductive
point of view, as men want to mate with women that are fertile. On
the other hand, we have no means of knowing exactly when a woman is
ovulating, and thus a man has to estimate whether a woman is ready
to get pregnant or not. Women that look more sexual emit the signal
that they are on those days. (It has been proven that women tend to
dress with brighter colors, wear shorter skirts and use more make
up when they are on those days.) All these are attractive traits
that men react to.

Successful seducers do the same. They express themselves in ways
that exude attractive male traits. For example:

Enthusiastic: Projects emotional intelligence and energy
Macho: Projects many alpha male traits
Cunning-Playful: Projects intelligence and playfulness
Sexual: Projects fertility
Interested: Projects warmness

Alternating these states can have a devastating effect on women.
This is also known as the Mad Dog effect. Mad Dog consists of
shifting states to keep the person listening to you. Humans have a
tendency to like people that are slightly unpredictable through a
complicated, evolved reflex known as Protean behavior. If you want
to know the details, this is something shared by all mammals.
Through evolution, animals that were unpredictable, covering
zig-zagging trajectories, were more likely to escape predators.
This tendency has also passed into our attraction circuitry.

Did it work ?

Oh, yes.

Did I have to do something special ?

Not really.

All I had to do was to express myself more strongly, just following
roughly the above emotional guidelines. Sometimes I was macho,
sometimes I was enthusiastic, and sometimes I was sexual. As long
as I had one of the above emotional states on my face, women would
follow. From that moment I started to connect with women. This was
what my game was missing, and big chances are that your game misses
the same elements, too.

By combining the classical verbal game with this non-verbal game,
one can achieve a very high level of excellence. Furthermore, as
the verbal seduction material will become more and more mainstream,
such types of undercover, stealthy game can greatly help our
seduction community to renew itself.