Inner Game: How to Recover from a Terrible Night

Let's be frank here,

THIS SHIT IS NOT EASY
THE ROAD TO GREATNESS COMES AT A HEFTY PRICE
THERE ARE MANY OBSTACLES IN OUR WAY TO GET HOT GIRLS

and here's something that distresses a TON of community guys -
YOU WILL HAVE BAD NIGHTS

I've seen many community guys go out, have absolutely horrible nights and just give up. Is that what you really want to do? Is that really the content of your character? Fail and give up? Riiiight, you'll be successful with women in no time. (*sarcasm)

Throughout all of my ridiculous adventures, there's been plenty of great nights where I'm making out with girls, sleeping with girls, dancing, and getting free drinks. These nights are wonderful memories to be cherished. However, these awesome nights came at a price! I've had absolutely horrible nights where I have been racially slurred, blown out of 5 sets in a row, thought I was gay, gotten AMOG'd by huge dudes, ridiculed by girls, failing shit tests, etc.

BUT - have you embraced how beautiful failure is? In the movie "Meet The Robinsons," a character is ridiculed for failing with his inventions. When he is thrown into the future and is attempting to fix a sandwich maker, he fails, but the characters EMBRACE his failure and CELEBRATE IT. Why is this?

You LEARN more from FAILURE than from SUCCESS... And if you want to get GOOD, then you've got to LEARN!

So you had a bad night... Here's what you do:

1. WRITE A FIELD REPORT - POST IT ON THE FORUM
That's right. The first step is to write a field report. Lots of guys hate writing field reports where they fail. They only write when they're successful. That's great and dandy, but it:
*Look unhuman for having so much success
*Falsely makes you look incredible
*Does not give you a chance to learn from your mistakes!

So write a field report. Spill your guts out. Get pissed. You failed, show us all. Why? So we can HELP YOU FIX WHAT YOU DID WRONG.

2. GET IT OFF YOUR MIND
The shittiest night of your life is on paper, on the web for the rest of the community to see. Now LEAVE IT THERE. Don't take it with you to bed. Don't check it compulsively for 3 hours. Just leave it alone. Grab a bite to eat, play a video game, do something to get the horrible night out of your current thoughts, or it will develop into a swirling hurricane of sorrow and self-pity that will just make you feel like absolute shit. If it makes you feel better, send a Facebook message to a friend, text someone, or talk to your roommate about your shitty night. They'll see how you walk and see how you feel. Don't be afraid to spill your guts to them. I've done this to plenty of people, and it's only given me support. After all this crap's over with, go get some sleep.

3. READ YOUR REPORT THE NEXT DAY
When you put a time bridge between writings and posts, you see it in a new light with fresh eyes. When I look back at my old field reports, I can see exactly what I did wrong. Sometimes people will post replies and have advice for you. Read it all, take it into heart. Understand your mistakes and have that nice mental rewind of what happened.

4. GO OUT AGAIN
Plan your next night IMMEDIATELY! Or else, you may be so distraught with what happened that you may take an extended break. Don't do that. GO BACK OUT. This is a REQUIREMENT! You got knocked down with the bad night, are you going to lie down, or you going to get back up and keep fighting? If you want to get good, understand that bad nights will happen whether you plan on it or not. It's what you do in reaction to the bad night that will truly make it a bad night.

I always feel better whenever I go out the night immediately after having a bad night. Remember that a bad night is better than not going out at all. Embrace your failures. Know that you are failing for a reason and there is PLENTY of time to make up for it.


Everyone is cheering for you when you get up from being knocked down. You're here because there's something amiss in your social life that you want to fix, but how much are you willing to put on the line to fix it? Are you willing to have bad nights with the worst rejections and sets of your life? What happened doesn't matter, it's how you react to it that matters.

Post your replies and thoughts in this thread!
BenJ

YES. Thanks Ben. I really needed that. The past few weeks have been so shitty for me that I haven't been posting FR's for a long time. ==" I've been on a really extended break... so it's time for me to get back in the game.

Great Post Ben! Here’s a few more that I found have helped me.

ROUTINES:

Use routines…especially when you are starting out! If it doesn’t work then just say that the routine failed. The problem with NOT using routines and just “being yourself” or vibing is that it will crush you if it doesn’t work --- this time it is not any routine that bombed.

Also realize that a lot of routines out there simply don’t work. Blame it on the routine or the tactic…not necessarily the person.

If you are not using routines and simply just winging it --- it is hard to recall exactly what you said and what happened.

If you have a course of action or a routine --- you have more mental capacity left over to focus on your surroundings, her facial/body language, your BL etc.

It is also easier to tweak the routine/story/tactic than it is to tweak yourself.


EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:

As an Asian you are going to need your emotional intelligence more than just pure intelligence. This is a topic of its own and books can be written on the topic. I would suggest stuff by Tony Robbins. Although studying Tony Robbins material won’t necessarily successful --- successful people do practice his principles.

What I’m trying to say is to read some self-improvements books other than PUA stuff….if you are not “emotionally intelligent” or have that other basic self improvement stuff in your head already (example: positive thinking etc) --- then it is not likely you will be in Pick Up very long.

A local PUA instructor told me that the average newbie lasts 3 months. He also told me that PUA is a “lifestyle” – it is not simply something you do to pick up a HB when you have no actual value.

TAKE A BREAK

I find that going out any more than 2 nights a week (I’m an old guy) saps my energy especially since I’m more introvert than extrovert. Personally, I know many Asians out there are probably more introvert than extrovert as well.

I found that when I filled my social calendar (with stuff found on the internet, joining clubs, playing in sports leagues, etc) --- that I simply spread myself too thin and I was a low energy drag to everyone who saw me at these events.

I found that if I saved up my energy and get stoked --- I “perform” pick up much better at the venue. Pick up does require a lot of mental energy. You got to be careful to watch the energy level and not become the dancing monkey.

I also found that if I was studying too much PUA material (or anything other project or hobby) that it helps to do something else for a while then jump back in. The problem with this is that your “other project” will become your “distraction”. For Asian guys it’s probably stuff like work, computer stuff, video games, etc. The problem with these types of activities is that they are never-ending. Be careful these activities do not become a permanent escape. Maybe limit it to like a week.

All I’m saying is that if you have been studying 20 hours straight --- it might help to take a break. I also found that if I stop studying biology for 1 week that when I jump back into it that I am more effective.


FORGET ABOUT IT:

I think as an Asian introvert that if something bad happens in the field that it is easy to keep thinking about and it causes your head to obsess on it which impacts your inner game then you can’t “project” anything right when it comes to outer game.

This is a difficult one because on hand you have to learn from the experience and figure things out --- but then again you have also let it go.

If this was a facebook post, I'd LIKE it.

I have no idea what some of these noobs were expecting. Did they think it was going to work immediately and 100% of the times?

Most alpha males I know just laugh when a girl rejects them because they think it's the girls loss not theirs. Taking rejections to the heart is probably the wrong way to go about things. Even the best looking male model type dudes get multiple rejections in a row.