HOT vs COLD

Okay, so we all know that when we drink sake, we only drink it hot or cold. Never at room temperature, never luke warm. The same goes with your personality when attracting/picking up women. You're either hot or cold but never in between. I get more success with having a hot personality and, lately, have been trying to experiment with a cold personality. I have to admit that using a cold personality is not getting me as much success. It's actually kind of difficult. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, maybe I'm coming off as incongruent. I thought that maybe I'll give it a try but it's probably not for me. Still playing with it, we'll see.

Anyways, my idea of a hot personality is Enrique Iglesias in his music videos. Very flirtatious and constantly escalating sexually.

In regards to a cold personality, I'm thinking it's more like Daniel Craig's James Bond. Very charming and perhaps shows a lack of interest. However, when the time is right, he can escalate physically and pull the trigger.

So, with that being said, I'm curious to know what you guys consider as hot and cold personality traits, and how it's been working for you (being hot or cold). Also, throw me some names of men who are good with women who carry themselves in either a hot or a cold manner.

Very interesting topic Mike. Here's some traits I see as hot and cold

HOT
Playful
Energetic
Goofy
Spontaneous
Silly
Flirtatious
Sexual
Kinesthetic

COLD
Distant
Teasing
Sarcastic
Smart-ass
Sensual
Calculating
Mysterious
Negging


Just a few off the top of my head. Curious to see what others think too.

What would be awesome if the ABCs of Attraction could develop a personality test of some sort to asses the students and let them know their more natural style and method, i.e. "hot" or "cold" and which method is more suited for their personality.

Interesting debate here. I've always been operating on a hot personality too. Come in with high energy, good smile/laugh, etc. I remember the other thread when you were mentioning how to open with strong sexual vibe, which I think epitomizes a cold personality opener.

I fully agree with the list of characteristics that Ben listed out: mysterious, scarce on words, not smiling often, distant...In my experience playing around with cold personality, I find that cold personalities work better than hot when the user has high passive value and solid inner game/confidence. In other words, cold personalities work the best when the girl already holds some attraction before even talking to the guy, and his cold and cool demeanor once they start talking further amplifies this attraction. Cold personalities tend to automatically frame the girl as the chaser in the beginning, thus amplifying the effects of qualification later on in the interaction. This gives the girl an enjoyable challenge to attain the guy.

Of course, different girls prefer different personalities. IMO, the disadvantage of cold personality is that it is very hard for a guy to attract a girl who's not already prone to cold personality, since he is not as talkative and do not hold an expert level of verbal game. In contrast, a guy with hot personality may nevertheless get a girl with a preference for cold personality after doing much verbal work.

chuck bass, hank moody, maybe christian troy from nip/tuck are all examples of different degrees of cold personality.

justin timerlake or edison chen would be examples of hot personalities in my opinion.

Interesting! To me, coming in high energy or low energy doesn't really affect being a hot or cold trait. I always thought that coming in with low energy and a sexual frame was a hot personality. The reason I think it would be considered as a hot personality kind of opener is because you are sexual right away and, assuming you don't hold back, maintain that sexual frame until you get her into bed with you. You keep dumping all this sexual tension on her which gets her to want you more. But I can also see how that fits with a cold personality too!

I liked how you described a cold personality as someone who can set the frame up where the girl is the chaser right away. Someone who is distant and scarce on words. And I definitely agree with you that for someone to be successful with a cold personality, he must have high passive value and solid inner game.

Now that I'm reading these opinions, it's got me thinking... Am I naturally a cold personality who operates on high? lol. It seems that when I'm approaching, I run on what I think a hot personality is. But after the pick up, I'm back to being cold.

I like this, let's keep them comin'! Tell me more of what you guys think!!! I'm interested to know! I think by putting down all our ideas of what we think the differences are, we can come off as more congruent and have a better understanding of how to be HOT or COLD.

I've been thinking about this every once in a while, and will continue to do so, and how I can better feel congruent and properly calibrate my energy. I'm not sure if "Energetic" goes along with the entire HOT frame, because someone can be everything else in the HOT frame without being heavy on energy. I imagine the HOT frame as just someone being very warm in their interaction, someone who already assumes that the two can have some sort of connection while the COLD frame is not as eager to invest themselves into the interaction despite something being of interest to them. I also think someone can have traits of both and switch between both while being congruent. Starting HOT then going COLD and vice versa between stages in the interaction makes sense to me. I've noticed the hardest time for me to be COLD is in the approach, specially if I'm being direct, it basically hasn't worked out for me. But I can imagine approaches with a COLD feel being lethal if done with a proper masculine frame -- something worth experimenting with. Past the approach, while 90%+ of my approaches don't make it into C phase right now, I've noticed when it does I can be a bit more cold.

Both HOT and COLD personalities are very important. If you don't know which one you are, its best left to experimentation to see which one works the best.

There will be debate on which is, but like most things, I believe that having some combination of HOT and COLD works best. It's like a PUSH & PULL.

In Approaches, you usually start off with a pull. So, like pulls, you should Start HOT.
Then after a while when the girl is(on a scale of 1-10) attracted to you at about 6-7, reduce your energy level and personality, and start being a bit cooler. She'll notice the difference in energy level and begin pouring more into the interaction.
Then warm up and give some into the interaction so she'll see that when she gives more, you'll give more (her subconsciously trained into chasing you now).
In the End, go COLD.

Doesn't work. At least not to a socially intelligent girl. The problem is that treating hot and cold personalities as if it is a push-pull technique makes you come off as incongruent and approval seeking. I've experimented with both over and over so I know. Push-pull is really just a technique (not a personality) that can help convey a cold personality.

So why incongruent? Girls know if you're full of shit, that's why it's best to find out and experiment with both personalities to see which one works best for you; Thus, putting forth the best you. If you find that you are better off with one than the other, you need to become that extreme personality.

So why approval seeking? Again, girls know if you're full of shit. Switching from hot to cold and back makes you look like you aren't being the real you; and, because you aren't being real, you are just playing games/being fake. Thus, making you appear like you're seeking her approval or trying too hard to get her to like you.

Also, switching to "cooler" just means you ARE NOT cold. Remember that one must be on either extreme. Cool and lukewarm are close to room temperature. ROOM TEMPERATURE = BORING.

And to test both extremes - what do you suggest doing? Approach 100 sets with hot and then 100 with cold and see which has the better percentage of closing?

Sure, why not? If that's how many it takes to figure out what works best for you. It's easier to lean towards what you are more natural with. That's why they say, if you're an asshole, just be an asshole (COLD).

Hell, play around with both in a single interaction if you want and see what happens. I have. All I can say is that from my experience, girls end up losing interest in me when I played the whole hot and cold game. I think of it like this: it's almost like going direct on a girl and projecting that sexual confidence, then, instead of continuing to press forward with a sexual frame, you end up running BT spikes or talking too much. It kinda kills the mood and leaves you appearing incongruent. For example, here you are. This alpha male who sees the most beautiful girl in the room. You go in the for the kill. You come in low energy. You smile. And while look her deeply in the eyes you tell her she is fucking beautiful. She melts. Then you say, "HEY! DO YOU KNOW WHO THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY IS?!" Then she reacts with a "what the...?" lol.