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Two and half years ago I came to the States for grad school. As a legitimately FOB from China, I didn't even know how to order a combo at Wendy's. The city I stayed was blessed with the most attractive and intelligent girls. However, like 99% of the Asian FOBs, the only thing I could do with them was staring and fantasizing from a distance. Approach is out of question. How could you initiate a conversation if talking in classes is hard enough for you?
Aside from the major cultural shock and racism I had never experienced from my country, I realized, of course, I was also awfully inept in social settings. I was this super nice, harmless Chinese guy who only knew basic fluff talks learned from American TV and text books. Walking around in parties, I was silent. Later on some neighbors/friends told me that some girls actually thought I was cute, and wanted to get to know me more. I didn't know what to say. No one ever told me how to approach girls properly, neither had I ever had any experience. In China, if you cold approach a girl on street, you are immediately perceived as a bad guy who tries to scam people. "Kino" will instantly get you chased by some cops as harassment.
As a nerd, I Googled "What to talk about at a party?" And that's how I discovered THE GAME.
Because I believe I am a capable person and I believe I deserve the best I desire, ever since that, I tried to go out to clubs and approach girls. Sometimes with a friend, sometimes alone. In my opinion nothing Americanize you more efficiently than cold approach. You get the most honest and harshest responses thrown at your face that could serve as your answer "Am I still a FOB?"
But I had commitment issue. I had approach anxiety that was a little too high. I read too much that I did not know what was right what was wrong, and what to follow. So on and off about a year after entering the club scene, and reading JT's newsletters and blogs for a while, I decided to take a bootcamp with JT, the Asian man that your Asian man should be like.
Two of my classmates have written very thorough reviews that covered pretty much every detail, so I will just review the things that I remembered the most. 10 days after the bootcamp. many things faded over, even those that might have left very strong first impressions. But the things I still vividly remember, will be imprinted in my mind for a long time.
The Class
My first problem, as pointed out by JT and Sarah, was that I read too much. I was reading as much material as I could find from different sources (what a nerd), and not applying, evaluating enough, which confused me, overwhelmed me, and got me lost in the trees. The bootcamp taught me that I actually already had all the materials i needed, but not the structure. The ABC's helped me step back, provided me with an aerial view, so I could see the forest, the holistic structure. Every problem you have in field, you should be able to pinpoint to a letter, and that letter is the letter you should be focusing on next time you go out. And I realized that the one year of infield practice, I was only getting good at C.
The drills were precious. They were simulative in-filed exercises that you would never do on your own, and even if you did, they would not be critiqued by professionals. There were drills for opening, bantering through improv, storytelling, AMOGing, BLP, etc.
You will open the lovely wings girls numerous times, and your body language, tonality, energy, actual line, everything, will be critiqued. So you better do it again.
Your storytelling will be judged. I never worked on my stories before because of laziness. The bootcamp made me realize they were invaluable, and actually gave me the pressure to work on them. I crafted my stories and told them in an animated fashion over and over. The stories were fine tuned, the delivery was modified. Guess what, although I didn't use them that much during three day bootcamp, the moment I arrived at my city 1 day after the bootcamp, I opened a set, told her one of the stories I worked on, got super awesome response. Number close was inevitable. Super cute Russian girl here I come.
Improve exercise, my favorite. I was inadequate at improv storytelling, so that my bantering and vibing lacked the kick. Part of the reason was because I was foreign. More practice, and even joining an improv class is on my schedule.
And much, much more.
The Team
JT is your big brother, or more likely a father figure. He is the best man for you to help you bring out your inner Asian alpha male. Everything he says or does projects charisma, authority, and sincerity. He would yell at you if you're not pushing your comfort zone enough; he would also give you the warmest encouragement your real dad would never give (Unless your dad applause for you every time you extract a girl), because he genuinely wants you to be better. I saw him opening sets with so much ease, and they were dazzled by his charm. He literally just waved his finger, and the girls came to him while shouting his name with affection. They started dancing together. How is that for passing a compliance test. He told me, "Shazam, passing phase A and B and C just made you join the rest of the world. That's not enough. You are just a good conversationalist, but without D, you're not the sexual man she wants." Biggest lesson I learned - I need more sexualization.
Ozzie is so easy going that you instantly feel he is your buddy since high school. He is calm, soft-spoken, and gives the sharpest debrief. He would listen to you talking in the field, and smoothly gives you a piece of advice real time. He asked one of the sets I was talking to if I was boring them. They responded "No, he is just way too nice." Trapped in the nice guy shell all my life, I realize this bootcamp just bring my mentality to a different level. He told me "If you want to make an omelet, you must be willing to break a few eggs."
Sarah is the best Wing Girl (not buffalo wings) you've ever met. She is funny, charming, energetic, and super well-calibrated. She knows exactly what you need in field, what not to do, and will give you the ultimate social proof just in time. While everyone else in the club is still wondering what your relationship is with this gorgeous blonde and jealous about you guys having so much fun, she already has given you a debrief about your last set and picked three new sets for you using her ninja peripheral vision.
Heather is your go-to girl for white girl - Asian guy relationships. She is well-read, well traveled, well-dated and knows more Asian culture than you can imagine. As a psychology major with a personality type of INFJ, Heather is intuitive, warm, and caring. NF people are usually laid back, but you cannot question their firm believed value system. For Heather, her values include Asian guys deserve white girls. She is working harder than most of the Asian guys out there for us to have a stance in this war. She told me one piece of a sexualization routine that has been serving me like a charm.
The Clubs
10 days have passed, field reports are not fresh anymore (so is my memory). But my strongest impression was, the team, they are the best entourage you'll ever get. Once you are in the field with the team, automatically your AA just disappear. Opening like a rock-star is inevitable. The instructors will open sets for you, open sets with you, wing you, point sets for you, give you social proof when you're in the sets, give you advice while you're in the sets, etc. And when you're between sets, they will occupy you, engage you and walk with you. At any given time, from everyone else's eye, you're the cool guy in the club, surrounded by super hot girls and well dressed gentlemen, and you're always talking and having a good time. That is the right way to be out in a club: always project that you are having a good time.
The third night, we were at W hotel lounge at West Hollywood. I opened many sets kamikaze style, many of them were models, and surprisingly I got really good responses. That was when I realized my potential. If I could close girls (number close) in W lounge, at West Hollywood, where Stevie Wonder was performing, where celebrities (and drug dealers) hanging out, I could do well anywhere.
I know I have a long way to go. But compare to the FOB two and half years ago, I am on a different level, and just received a jump start.
One year later on The Jester's birthday, 5 of the students from this bootcamp will meet in LA again, and share our adventures and sarge together. That will be a legendary weekend.
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