Just adding my own experience:
When I finally had the epiphany where I realized talking to girls is the most normal thing in the world (how else to you meet new people? lol) and not anything creepy or scary or hard or impossible to do, but the most normal thing in the world, it gets easier. I have little to zero approach anxiety now, though people wish I could shut up sometimes, haha. My problem now is saying too much and when you talk too much, chances are you will say something unnecessary or inappropriate and that happens. I've had my friends threaten and a few actually attempted to seal my mouth with duct tape (read post in the November Sydney bootcamp thread):
Raigon wrote:
*Needs specific guidance on talking:
So... aside from lack of confidence and insecurity, which I've greatly improved on, my biggest sticking point I find is that I say the dumbest shit. I have humor and creativity. My biggest problem is that I say the dumbest shit. For example, I say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate of times due to lack of social experiences and experience in society and often what I think is funny or creative will be absolutely inappropriate and oftentimes dumb and even offensive to some. Worst of all is, I am rash and impulsive and words come out of my mouth before I can react. And oftentimes I think what I say is cool, creative and amazing when in reality it's not. It's inappropriate, dumb, and offensive. Help me out, guys!
How bad is it? Well... let me put it this way. I've been told by several girls to go away in the middle of the conversation because of the dumb shit I say. Worst of all, I said something that wasn't supposed to have been funny and sent a group of girls giggling that one of the girls pulled me aside at a party before back in April and told me that I'm really a sweetheart and she and her friends really liked me, but I really need to learn what is appropriate to say and what is not in a normal social setting. She patted me on the shoulder and not to think about it too much and try to enjoy the rest of the night before taking me back to the table.
On more than one occasion, I've been liked by the girls on initial encounter just to say something stupid and ruin it all and I don't even know why I did it until personal friends and a few girls pulled me aside and told me what I did wrong.
After so many sets where I found out girls for the most part actually enjoy conversation and meeting new people and boosted my confidence by a ton, I started to not know the definition of fear, which means I have zero approach anxiety or fear or talking to people, but on the downside it means I can say anything and everything and not hold back. And I mean I literally say ANYTHING without holding back, dumb or smart. That's why I'm worried. I say the dumbest shit sometimes I don't know it's dumb. Other times it's trying to be impressive. Don't get me wrong. Most of what I say is pretty funny, creative, and inventive. But the dumb stuff is like a time bomb and you never know when it might go off. And when you say a lot and lot and lot and lot and lot of stuff... well, there's a higher chance of something dumb popping up from sheer probability.
Now my two problems are:
1. Looks - working on my physique (losing weight), my dress and fashion sense, and basic grooming
2. Talk smarter and smoother - stop saying dumb stuff. Know what is appropriate and not appropriate. Admitting to girls you just met that you do have the habit of jerking off in the middle of dinner because you think girls appreciate honesty is not appropriate. Yes that really did happen. Oh God. *Rips hair out*
If I don't get rid of bad habit number 2, I will start having approach anxiety again.
