Hey guys, been lurking here for a while, thought I'd share some value.
The girl is there. Beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. Her vibe is infectious. You come up with a million excuses not to approach. You are in your head. You freeze.
How many times has that happened? To me, many. It still does, from time to time, but it has significantly gone down. Because I JUST GO IN. I do not care about the awkwardness that will happen during the interaction. I am there to learn.
Here is an article that helped me go through the motions even when I had a lot of approach anxiety.
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You Signed Up for Awkwardness
“OK, how about that one? She’s cute. Approach her.” I point to a cute girl in a black dress about 20 feet away from us. I look at my client — we’ll call him Thomas, although he could be half of the guys I’ve worked with over the past year. Thomas looks back at me in earnest, slightly wide-eyed, half expecting me to say something else.
When I don’t he sighs, “OK…”
We both look over and stare at her silently for a moment.
“So… What are you waiting for?” I say with a slight smile, trying to encourage him a bit. He gets noticeably uncomfortable. He’s never done this before. He’s read about it for months, but he’s never actually been in this situation before.
“But wait… hold on,” he says.
“Yes?”
“What do I say to her? I mean, what’s my opener?”
“Let’s start with ‘Hi.’”
“‘Hi?’”
“Yeah… or maybe ‘Hi, I’m Thomas.’ That’s a good one too.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
Another pause. He looks at her. Then back at me. Then back at her. He’s bobbing up and down on the balls of his feet with his hands in his pockets. He looks back at me.
“Just ‘Hi?’” He’s squints his eyes a bit, pretending like he didn’t hear me correctly. Hoping.
“Yep. Just ‘Hi.’”
I turn my attention back to my drink. I know the anxiety hell he’s going through right now and I sympathize. We’ve all been there. But engaging him any further intellectually will only distract him and perhaps even add more pressure. The only way out is through. This is something to be done, not to be discussed.
“That… w-works?” He stutters, this time skeptical.
“Totally works.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t know… tell her she doesn’t look like she’s from around here.”
A pause, “And that’s it?”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
He lets out a big sigh and looks back over at her. He’s very, very nervous. Suddenly he doesn’t seem too thrilled with having hired me. I’m not giving him the cheat-code. I’m not taking any weight off his shoulders. I’m not taking any responsibility away from him meeting this girl.
Another 10 seconds go by. Then 20. Then 30. Usually by 30 if they haven’t done it, then it’s not going to happen on their own.
“Look,” I say. “Relax. Forget about her for a second.”
He exhales and blinks a few times, “Sorry, I…”
“Stop. This is normal. Relax,” I say.
He relaxes a bit.
I continue, “Here’s the thing. I know you’ve been reading about this stuff for a while now. I know when you read about it, you get to read about all of these cool whiz-bang theories and lines, all of these strategies and crazy stories guys have.
“But look, you didn’t sign up for that. You may think you signed up for that. You may think that’s what you were getting into. But it’s not. You signed up for awkwardness. Lots and lots of awkwardness and uncomfortable social situations. That’s what this stuff really is.
“I could sit here and give you all the right lines and the whole playbook. But you’d still feel just as awkward and nervous right now. And you’d still feel just as awkward and uncomfortable in front of her. That’s the real game, awkwardness. Not lines or techniques. It’s about putting yourself in awkward situations until they feel comfortable. That’s the real game. It’s not always sexy or exciting, but that’s how it is.”
“So,” I put my hand on his shoulder and point back to the girl in the black dress, “I want you to go say ‘Hi’ to that girl. It will feel awkward. And that’s OK. You’ll survive. And afterward, you’ll be happy you did it.”
Before he has a chance to respond, I give him a little shove in her direction, “Just start walking and don’t stop until she’s in front of you.”
He saunters in her general direction. His very footsteps are procrastinating the inevitable. After what seems like an eternity, he ends up in front of her. There’s an awkward moment as she notices him. His mouth moves. He sticks out his hand. She takes it gingerly and opens her mouth in return. They both smile and laugh a little. An awkward laugh. His name is Thomas. She’s not from around here. How did he know? He stammers through an incoherent answer. She nods and smiles.
A major disconnect that I believe keeps a lot of guys planted in their computer chairs, rather than out meeting and talking to women, is this disconnect between the perception and the reality of improving with women. The perception is that you learn all of this stuff, and magically you’re going to be this confident Casanova, dropping verbal explosions with panties fluttering in your wake.
The truth is that this is a long, arduous process of awkwardness and discomfort. The stuff you read about is designed to trick you into getting out there and pushing yourself. It’s a placebo at best.
I’ve found that having men accept this is often the first step from converting away from keyboard jockeying into a life of action and perseverance. Yes, you’re going to feel awkward and uncomfortable. No, it’s not a big deal. Everybody goes through it. It’s normal and not the end of the world. And you’ll be better for it.
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Taken from
http://postmasculine.com/you-signed-up-for-awkwardness
