My Encounter With "Yellow Fever" Strippers

I didn't think this would really fit in the FR section. It's more so a story about a hilarious/traumatizing encounter that my friends and I had while vacationing down in New Orleans that I thought you guys might enjoy. Myself and 5 other friends jokingly like to call ourselves the Perfect Asian Dudes (PAD). The story goes like this:

It was our first night in New Orleans and as is customary for anyone looking for a good time in the city we strolled down Bourbon Street to check out the action...

Our first objective was to load up on Hurricane and Grenades, the two drinks NO is known for. They were no joke, deceptively dangerous. All 6 of us were buzzing and when all 6 of us get drunk, epic events seem to follow.

After walking a few blocks from our hotel we spotted what we were hoping to see, and just as those "Girls Gone Wild" videos promised, New Orleans delivered. Girls hanging on a balcony dancing and shaking their asses as if they were trying to get back at their overprotective fathers. There were 3 of them. A black girl in a tight corset, a light-skinned indian girl in a yellow tank top, and a girl who is mixed with all types of nationalities who could've told me she was conceived at an orgy and it would've made sense. All flashing their tits for plastic beads. Classic...There we were standing among a sea of middle aged men hoping that seeing bare breasts without paying a cover charge would make the trip worth it. Seeing bare tits is nice and all but the novelty dies off quick so we were ready to leave for something more interesting, but instead it found us...

Because to our surprise, they singled us out and shouted to us, "Come up here!". Out of all the people down below, they chose us to come up. What an honor =) The six of us run into the building and up the flight of stairs to an empty bar, grab six beers, and dash to the balcony. Turns out these girls are strippers from Houston and it was also their first night in New Orleans. Needless to say both groups made like tourists and we partied our asses off. We made out with them, took body shots, got lapdances, grinded, and took photos that I hope never reach the unsuspecting eyes of a family member. It was turning out to be an epic night. To top it all off, they all confessed to being stricken with "Yellow Fever". Strippers with asian fetishes...we couldn't have asked for more. It all made sense, they saw the PAD in us and couldn't resist.

After getting kicked out of the bar by the owner for not following the rules (apparently they weren't a fan of the dirty dancing and body parts being exposed inside the bar) we take them back to our hotel. One bedroom shared by six full-sized guys (we travel on a budget). From there, myself and another PAD claimed our women. Only the two of us since the mixed stripper had to split for reasons I don't really remember or care to. I got the east Indian and he got the black stripper. Our room had two queen beds so on one bed there's four guys pretending to sleep and on the other, two guys and two strippers pretending there aren't four other guys in the room.

Lights went out and we went to town. The discrete slurping and bedsheets ruffling got louder and louder with no regard to anyone trying to sleep but I knew the other guys wouldn't have it any other way =). What the other couple was doing mere inches away from me was all a blur since I was too focused on getting my stripper naked. After a couple of minutes of making out and dry humping I took her jeans and thong off. Now around this time I was still fresh from a break up with an ex-girlfriend and before her I was never a big fan of going down on girls. She changed all that for me so going to New Orleans I was still gung ho about eating girls out. The thoughts of the ex and the heat of the moment must've gotten the best of me because I dove my head in between her legs as if I haven't eaten for days.

Worst idea ever...now I don't regret much about my life but this was an incident I can clearly say I wish I avoided. If there's one thing I learned in New Orleans it's this: my mouth works faster than my brain.

I don't even know how to describe the taste. All the old cliches used to describe a bad tasting vag can't fully capture the wretchedness of the one I was trying to please. Raw or rotten fish would be a compliment and outright downplay the foulness. I would have much rather sucked on a decaying fish.

I can't blame her though, it was their first night in New Orleans also. They had a long drive from Houston, they've been drinking since noon, and dancing all night. Of course it would create a diabolical concoction within the undergarments right? It can't naturally taste this bad...right? Why she didn't shower before heading out that night, I don't know. At least I like to think she didn't shower.

Whatever the case, I knew I had to PAD the fuck up. I was trying to tell myself that it was all just in my head, but sadly that was not the case. It was all in her cooter...and then some. For anywhere between 5-10 seconds which felt like minutes, I gave a couple short strokes and it hit me immediately. My gag reflexes were uncontrollable. "OouueehHH!" "OOoouuueEHHH!". I knew that if I went in for another swoop it would be the end of it for me. Her lower body would be covered with the remnants of a Po' Boy sandwich. The novelty of having a one night stand with a stripper didn't play out the same way as it did in my head. When caught up in the excitement you tend to forget that strippers are people too, with real people issues...like basic hygiene.

After deciding to throw in the towel and with my face still staring up at my maker, I regained my composure and went back up to her. She gave me a kiss on the lips and said "that's enough, goodnight". It was incredibly nonchalant and I was utterly confused.

Did she know what I was getting myself into and didn't tell me?

Didn't she just hear me gag uncontrollably?

I guess it was as embarrassing for her as unpleasant for me. I was completely exhausted at this point and decided to pass out like everyone else but it was hard to sleep that night. Not only because I was sharing a bed with three other people but because I couldn't help but think how many men before me have fallen at the same hands. After a few hours of tossing and turning I eventually passed out like everyone else but with the taste of bitter defeat on my tongue...what a great way to start off our trip to NOLA.

Jesus H. Christ dude.....

You're certainly a descriptive story teller.....not sure if it's a DHV story though....

This is actually a story from a blog I just started hence the writing style and descriptive nature haha

It's far too long. When you encounter a WF --- she won't give you that much time (especially at the start) --- you may only have one minute.

It was so long that I didn't even read more than half of it...imagine how much less time a girl will give you.

Make sure you can a mcuh more condensed version.

Check out this thread: http://www.abcsofattraction.com/community/the-war-room-f34/storytelling-tips-t5863.html

I too add my vote to shorten that.

Another thing to note... even if a story takes you 5 minutes to read through... chances are it'll take longer in a conversation. Why? Because a good story should have dialogue between you and the listener(s). Get them not only invested, but participating. Set them up with comments like "Ya know what I mean?" after every few sentences.

As for the topic, it's more appropriate for the fellas during a poker game.

Do you really foresee an attractive woman swooning over you after you talk about strippers, compare a vag to "decaying fish", or anything of that sort?

Thanks for the input guys but this isn't a DHV story that I came up with. This actually happened to me while I was in New Orleans. I posted it because I thought you guys would get a laugh from it. I definitely wouldn't tell this story to a girl I was trying to game haha

I have seen how young AM’s think that a stripper story is a DHV. I remember when I was young I had problems subtly expressing to WF’s that I would go out with a WF and that I do find them attractive.

The problem was compounded by the fact that I had never had a date before…thus can not tell a date story about how I went out with a cheer-leader, etc. Compound that problem with little experience with women in general.

Thus in an attempt to be funny --- there would be some kind of stripper club story etc.

I remember recently being in parties and seeing some younger AM’s trying things of a similar fashion. It was almost as if a high energy inexperienced AM arrives in a group where there is at least one high value HB --- you can bet there will be a stripper story etc.

I think the thing to remember is that women tend to view strippers, hookers, porn stars etc to be “lower” value --- thus anything you have to do with them lowers your value too.

I definitely agree with you on that one. I know if I told this story to any girl, she would think I'm some type of chauvanist pig and it would lower my value in her eyes.

i agree also