Being Authentic and still Pick up?

HI ABCs crew,

I was thinking, how can I be more authentic in my pick up approach, to where, if i met the person on a continued basis I wouldn't feel ashamed of my initial attempts?

This came about when I realized that, some of the girls I met for the first time at a party or gathering of mutual friends would continue to be around and come to future gatherings.

As I saw the same girls more and more, I would think back to how I approached them and it just felt very contrived on my part.

I guess when we meet people for the first time, it's natural that we project all sorts of things onto them, but as future meetings make one more familiar with the other person, in hind site, the initial projections seem silly, and very inaccurate.

So i was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to approach PUA, or even socializing, where your initial meet with people, as it's naturally lacking in information... can be authentic as can be on your part, and then further meeting can build on a solid foundation...rather than, what was a front. And on the second issue, how can I keep down my projections of others, so that they are more of a clean slate, rather than me placing all of my ideas onto them based on physical cues.

I'm guessing the difference is simply in Focus.
I guess the more constructive focus would be to focus on connecting in a way where, one is disclosing genuine information about ones self that would enable the other person to respond with information so one can build a clearer picture.
And a less constructive focus, one that...if one were to keep meeting the other person, would cause one to have a "exposed" feeling about the front one might have put up, due to the focus on being liked, pleasing, seeking approval, or impressing.

I guess the ideal for me would be to have a basic way of approaching or meeting new people in general, to where, if there isn't for whatever reason a chance of romantic connection, that those can at least transfer into friendship due to me at least being solid in my delivery of who I am.

I could have just made this shorter by saying,
How can I pick up, meet people, and socialize in general, without having to look back, after having known the person for a while, and continuing to meet at social events, and think to myself "Damn I was so fake."
I don't think it's a concious choice, I think it's just an involuntary, compulsive action based on an automatic reaction due to a deeper inner need to be approved of.

I hope i've made myself clear.
let me know fellas, and gals.
NeoLife

That's a good question. I've been told that I come off a bit disingenuous and have been working on it. There are a few things that I've learned for myself.

I still have times when I spit my openers and it's like my focus was to get to the end of it rather than speak it well. I did this just last week with a two set that were already open to my approach. The set could have gone even better if I gave them time to say "oh my god!" or whatever response. They wanted to hear the rest of the story so I could have taken a bit more of my time.

That night, I was with a buddy that has natural game and he said that I needed to learn how to freestyle (he likes to rap). If you can let the conversation take an unplanned exciting flow, awesome.

This is all part of a process of becoming a better man. We'll all make mistakes along the way.

Oh, and in case you've been told "be yourself." The pick up community has plenty to say in response to that vague and unhelpful though well intentioned piece of advice. I think it's worth going to read up on it.

I hope this was helpful. Good luck.
Peace

If you'd like to be authentic, then all you need to do is be authentic! It's really that easy, and if you are following the ABCs of attraction structure, it's even easier. I'm not sure if you've taken the bootcamp or not (I'm guessing not), but we teach a conversational structure that is fundamentally based on your own life experiences. It is for this very reason that I never have the problem you're describing, because everything that I say and do is based on my personal life experiences and how I feel.

Just be yourself? You already are doing that. And when you take a bootcamp, we'll teach you how to convey the confidence you already have through facial expressiveness, body language, and vocal tonality. I'm sure you already know how to convey "yourself" through words, but based on your question, it looks like you don't know how to convey that through those other three aspects of communication. You'll learn that stuff during the bootcamp.

Also, check out a post in "Main Lounge" on sub communication.

"If you, unknowing, are able to create masterpieces in color, then unknowing is your way. But if you are unable to create masterpieces in color out of your unknowledge. Then you ought to look for knowledge."

It sounds like you have a presupposed perspective before your first conversation with people. Let's say you see an HB, and you think of her personality like a game of Mad Libs (Wikipedia will define what that is if you're unfamiliar) and let her fill in the blanks instead of you.

Why judge a book by its cover when reading it is so intriguing?

And if you're not sincerely intrigued by the thought of learning about people, meeting them, making friends, etc. then find a way to make this fun for you. Make a list of things you enjoy and see if those things have any common denominators with sarging.