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So tonight I saw something very interesting in the field, went to my usual warm up spot, a bar across the street from me named B-bar. Sat down ordered a beer, and opened this old dude (probably 65) (p.s. for those of you who aren’t aware the a trick I’ve found to shake off any residual AA is when you enter a venue OPEN SOMEONE, it does not matter who they are, it helps build momentum). I see he’s writing notes on his i-phone, so the first question that pops into my mind, I ask him, it’s about the key board being too small. I didn’t really care for the answer-I was just interested in shaking off any vestiges of my socially programmed “properness.” Anyways the guy goes on this LONG ASS rant about technology, and how it’s affected the third world. I remember the thought crossing my mind, that damn this guy must not get laid much, because he does not even care to gauge my social feedback-i.e. if I’m listening or not. However an interesting thing happened, a cute girl (probably a HB7 probably in late 20’s), enters his purview, and all of a sudden he starts talking to her. The interaction with her compared to me was night and day, he was playful, flirty and she was clearly into it. I was so amazed I give up my seat, so she could sit next to him.
This brings me to my point: The guys with “Game” are not necessarily the one’s you picture. I think from a young age Hollywood/the media/society imposes some vision of the guy who gets all the girls and gets laid like crazy. I believe it’s generally some derivative of the Hugh Grant character, who’s liked by everyone, and plays by the rules of society. The truth is most of these guys, although might get laid now and then, and eventually wind-up with a girlfriend (often times after she hits them over the heads with tons of signals) and are not true players. Yes, they might show up to the bars/clubs surrounded by 5 different girls, but more often than not they are not banging any of them. Girls consider them safe, almost like another girlfriend, so that’s why they keep them around.
The true players are the ones who aren’t scared to be controversial, express interest, and take things sexual. The generic image that comes to mind is the group of black dudes in the club who try to grind on very girl, most of these guys get laid much more than your average Hugh Grant character. They are not afraid to express interest and take things sexual off the back. Now true they won’t be pulling the hottest girls in the place very time. But they do internalize a lot of concepts we learn in pickup (and are just down right horny which is actually a good thing). And so THEY (nor pickup for that matter) DO NOT LOOK LIKE THE WAY YOU WOULD THINK(or at least as I thought). As I get better at the cold approach I’m amazed by how-much the girls do not walk away, but it’s these dudes (AFC’s in my opinion) who come-over and try to pull them away. They are so programmed by social norms they think it’s almost improper to even talk to girls in a bar or club. You see this acutely in Asian and Indian cultures, which makes pickup somewhat more difficult in them.
The lesson is to de-sensitize one to the trying to please behaviors, and some of social programing that has been imposed on us. It really is not rude to interrupt people’s conversations in bars and clubs, cause logically if they wanted to have a private conversation why the hell would they come to such a public venue? Instead as JT says channel our inner asshole.
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