LTR and MLTR tips: do you want a relationship or a few?

Why you need to be good at sex

Women can enjoy sex more than men can. Women have an organ solely dedicated to sexual pleasure, the clitoris, while men do not. The clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis. Female orgasms can last minutes, while male orgasms last a few seconds. Women can have multiple orgasms, while most men can only have one. Women can have different types of orgasms, while most men can only have one.

So the potential maximum with sex is very high for women. If you are good at sex, you can keep your girl attracted to you for long periods of time. You will have more frequent sex.

However, if you suck at sex, then the girl will be less inclined to have sex with you down the road. Sex will become uncommon. Attraction from both sides will wane. The girl might start cheating on you.

Basically, you have a lot to gain by being good at sex and equally much to lose by being bad at sex.

Becoming good at sex

As almost everybody suggests, the best source on sexual mastery is Sex God Method by Daniel Rose. I also highly, highly suggest She Comes First by Ian Kerner, originally suggested to me by William. Sex God Method is a hollistic approach to sex. A lot of its perspectives are applicable across the entire dating process or the entire ABCs structure. She Comes First is a guide to giving oral to a girl. A lot of its ideas are applicable to the entire sex process. I always suggest reading Sex God Method first. It is more than worth the money.

One thing that will really make you great at sex is learning how to give head to a girl. Most guys hate giving head. If you can learn to not just be great at it, but even love it, then you're automatically better than 80% of the male population at sex.

Another thing which is even more important is mental discipline. Daniel Rose calls it "immersion." When you've mastered immersion, you'll be able to conquer all your erection problems. Most guys have problems getting it up, or come too early, or can't come at all, or lose their erection in the process. If you have these problems when a girl is present, but you don't have these problems when you're masturbating alone, then these are indicators of mental problems, not physiological problems. When you've developed good immersion, you'll have a strong erection and will be able to go for ages. With proper immersion, you're automatically better than 95% of the male population at sex.

A final thing is limiting beliefs. Daniel Rose addresses limiting beliefs in Sex God Method. However, I'd like to address another limiting belief that he doesn't mention in his book: white girls. I am an Asian guy who prefers Asian girls. My latest girl as of this writing is a white girl, the first white girl with whom I've ever had sex. Before we started hooking up, I'd say I was definitely sexually experienced and knew my way around the vagina. I was very confident in my sexual abilities. However, in my head, I didn't really believe that white girls could actually be attracted to me. And I felt a ton of pressure to perform. This killed my erection. Eventually, I got it up, thankfully. But my point is that your limiting beliefs can take a huge toll on your sex life.

Sun Tzu said (I'm paraphrasing) that the battle is over before it begins, and the same is true with sex. The quality of sex is determined before you begin sex. Long before the clothes come off, you should have already done all the things to prepare for sex. Eliminated your limiting beliefs. Trimmed your pubes. Kept your body in shape. Kept your body groomed in general. Placed condoms nearby. Prepared belts or ties or blindfolds if you're into that kind of stuff. And most importantly, built sexual confidence.

How do you build sexual confidence? Check out Daniel Rose's talk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuEHeMzwmww

Basically, it takes practice. A lot of practice. This is another reason to have multiple partners and to be inexclusive. Once you've built enough sexual confidence through having enough sex, you'll be ready to blow away the minds of any girl you get into your bed.

Coasting

Coasting means going with the flow, without DTR-ing, and allowing the relationship to develop organically. There is minimal expectations management from either side. Nobody prompts a talk about exclusivity. There's an unspoken "don't ask don't tell" policy about how either side feels about the relationship. I would suspect that neither side is too invested or in the other, or just not overly attracted to one another.

Coasting is a very typical relationship type. Personally, I like to avoid coasting, because I think managing expectations is the mature thing to do. People tend to coast in these relationships because coasting is easy. DTR-ing is hard. And that's okay if you're in that boat. Just understand what comes with coasting: a high likelihood of miscommunication and thus disappointment.

I would also advice against coasting with any girl in whom you see very serious girlfriend material.

Heavy compromisers

A heavy compromiser is a girl who is interested in some type of relationship with you, casual or serious, but is also very willing to compromise on major incompatibilities. For instance, the girl might be an extremely devout Christian, but you might be an Atheist. If the girl had enough dating experience, she'd know that you being an Atheist means that there's little potential for a serious relationship. Or, the girl could be desperate for a relationship and is willing to compromise for one. Or, if the girl has a lot of dating experience but doesn't seem to mind that you're not also an extremely devout Christian, then she probably doesn't take you very seriously as a dating prospect. Of course, it's possible for religiously openminded people to enjoy relationships with one another. But this is just a simple hypothetical example.

The thing to worry about in a heavy compromiser is WHY they are making heavy compromises on things that they shouldn't be compromising. In my example above, I allude to the three reasons I think heavy compromises might arise. The first is a lack of dating experience. If the girl hasn't had much serious relationship experience, then she doesn't really know what she wants or what works with her. You only know these things by trying them out. So, after you two are together for a while, the incompatibility will drive you apart. If you meet a heavy compromiser like this, try to avoid becoming attached to one another. It's an infatuation which will be diminished to nothing by incompatibility. You two will likely be unable to fully support one another as you each pursue mismatching or even antithetical lives to the other.

The second reason for heavy compromisers is relationship desperation. When a human wants something, it's willing to give up a little to get it. When a human wants something DESPERATELY, it's willing to give up a LOT to get it. A heavy compromise, in this case, is a sign that a girl wants a relationship badly. She can't stand being single. Her lack of a fulfilling love life might be the only thing she talks about to her friends. So she's very ready to make heavy compromises to get a relationship. If you meet a heavy compromiser who's desperate for a commitment, be sure to not enter a serious or exclusive relationship with her. In fact, I might further my recommendation and suggest you not see that girl at all. She's making heavy compromises to be with you. You are not her Mr. Right. You are her Mr. Right Now. She'll try her hardest to like you, but she doesn't really like you. She might have a lot of emotional baggage. It might just be better for you to not see her.

The third reason for heavy compromisers is lack of commitment or investment from the girl. The heavy compromise SEEMS like a heavy compromise to you. But in fact, she doesn't look at it that way. You two might have very glaring incompatibilities, but she doesn't really care. She still enjoys having out with you and texts you goodnight. This girl is just enjoying the ride while it lasts. She might even be coasting with you. Again, this type of heavy compromiser does not earn a serious or exclusive relationship with you.

The key: heavy compromises from the girl means you should not enter a serious or exclusive relationships with her. Also, be sure to find out WHY she's making these heavy compromises. Maybe it's even for a reason that I didn't list here. But once you find out, you'll know how to properly manage your own expectations and emotions.

Here are some examples of big incompatibilities which are heavy compromises:
- Personality -- are you guys unable to enjoy one another's company?
- Geography -- do you have to travel two hours to see one another?
- Passions -- are you two separately passionate about two opposing things?
- Attraction -- is she trying to like you when she just doesn't really like you that much?

Knowing what you want and what the girl wants

There are a few things to figure out for yourself and for a girl with whom you'd like to carry out a relationship:
- What you want most out of a relationship? Do you want a serious girlfriend? A few inexclusive girlfriends? A fuck buddy? A casual girlfriend? What is your ideal relationship type?
- What does the girl want most out of a relationship? What is the girl's ideal relationship type?
- If you can't have your ideal relationship type, what other types of relationships are you willing to have? If, for instance, you want a serious girlfriend but realized the girl isn't compatible, are you willing to continue with an inexclusive girlfriend relationship? If you'd like a no-emotions fuck buddy but the girl prefers to have some emotional attachment, are you okay with investing the emotions that she wants?
- If the girl can't have her ideal relationship type, what other types of relationships is she willing to have?
- What types of relationships do you NOT want to have?
- What types of relationships does the girl NOT want to have?
- And finally, WHY did you and the girl answer as such for the above questions?

It's VERY important to figure out those four things: 1) the relationship type you want most, 2) the relationship types with which you'd be content, even though they're not optimal, 3) the relationship types which you do NOT want, and 4) the reason behind all those answers. Do not be ashamed about any of your answers. Do not be pressured to answer any question in a certain way. Just do you here.

You might have a hard time answering some of these questions. Honestly, that is NOT okay. It is VERY problematic if you do not know what you want. You should figure that out as soon as possible. In fact, you should have figured that out yesterday. Or earlier. Get that sorted out immediately. If you don't know what you want and why, I suggest you speak with close, trusted friends to figure it out and date casually to gather more experiences. However, I really don't know what to suggest in this case. I just know that it will only hurt you and possibly some girls if you don't know what you want.

It is equally important for the girl to answer those four questions. As you DTR and become more comfortable with the girl over time, you should start learning more about what she wants and why.

The reason to know what you want and why is to figure out compatibility. If two people want the same thing out of one another, then they're a natural fit. Otherwise, there won't be much of a future. There are always women out there who want what you want. You and the women will be happiest if you align yourself with the girls who also want what you want. Conversely, if you invest yourself in a girl who doesn't want what you want, you'll be hurt. If the girl invests in you but you don't want what she wants, she'll be hurt.

WARNING: Sometimes a girl tells you that she wants something. However, there are some circumstances where you shouldn't put too much weight into her answers. Here are some possible scenarios:
- The girl really wants the relationship type that she tells you. But due to emotional instability, she's not actually ready for that. The relationship type that these types of girls would say they want is mainly a serious exclusive boyfriend. It might also be an emotionless fuck buddy. If you're sensing emotional instability from a girl, be careful. They tell you one thing, but they actually need something different. Something will give away eventually, and you don't want it to be you.
- The girl asks you if you know what you want. That does NOT mean that the girl also knows what she wants. BE SURE TO RECIPROCATE THE QUESTION IF SHE ASKS YOU WHAT YOU WANT. DO NOT ASSUME THAT SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS JUST BECAUSE SHE ASKS. Always be sure to figure out why as well.
- The girl has a consistent pattern in her dating history. She hasn't had a serious relationship in her entire life. She was a virgin her entire life. She is easy and has slept with more people than you have. She is a serial monogamist. If you're only hooking up with this girl and you not very emotionally invested, then don't worry about it. But if you'd like something more with the girl, then watch out. Figure out why those trends existed in the girl's dating past. Find out if she has any emotional instabilities that either caused the trend or resulted due to the trend. Find out if she has weird personality characteristics which either caused the trend or resulted due to the trend.

Keep in mind: "what you want" changes over time. With more life experiences and at different life stages, different people want different types of relationships. People change.

Knowing "what you want" sounds simple. But it's not. It takes time and experience to figure out what you want and validate what you want.

Great post Jinjo

This is like, I wouldn't want to say "mid-game", but rather "mid-relationship"

It's in the middle of the approach and the break up. Answered a few things for me, too. Thank you

Thanks man!

Sex in the long run

The overall goal is to have the sex improve steadily over time into the long run.

If the quality of the sex stagnates, reevaluate. Are you trying to make the sex better? Is the girl also trying? Are you two still sexually attracted to one another? You can probably save your sex life with the girl by introducing new ideas in sex and adding variety. Brush up on your sex fundamentals and re-read Sex God Method. Dominate the girl into doing the things you want in bed.

If the quality of the sex is decreasing, prepare to either have a serious talk with the girl or ditch the girl. There is no reason an alpha male should put up with bad sex.

First, let's assume the bad sex comes from a girl to whom you're not particularly emotionally attached. Maybe you're only mildly attracted to her physically. While maybe you don't mind hanging out with her, you also don't look forward to it. If that's the case, ditch her. The bad sex is not only a waste of your time, but also a possible damper to your sexual confidence. That means bad sex with one girl could hurt the sex with the next girl. Although I'd obviously prefer to see you having great sex, if you could only have either no sex or bad sex, I'd personally rather see you have no sex. Sexual confidence is your asset. Don't sully your dick with bad pussy. Have higher standards for yourself. Don't settle for bad sex like a beta male.

Second, let's assume the bad sex comes from a girl for whom you care very deeply. You really, really like this girl. You look forward to spending time with her, and you miss her when you're away from her. You're doing all you can to make the sex amazing, but it just gets worse and worse. In this case, you need to actually talk to the girl. The sex is unacceptable, and she needs to get her shit together. This conversation won't be fun, but you need to have it. Maybe you need to have it multiple times even. You need to figure out why she's not pleasing you.

She likely is having emotional issues while having sex. Two people who are very attracted to one another should always be interested in sexually pleasing one another, unless one is having emotional issues. The emotional issues may or may not be your burden. You are not obligated to cater to her every emotional problem. Do not hesitate to ditch her if you feel she's treating you unfairly or placing unfair expectations on you.

She might also just be very selfish in bed. She never goes down on you. She never initiates sex. This means she is either not very attracted to you or inhibiting herself in some way. It is unnatural for any girl who seriously likes you to never proactively please you. Figure out what's going on. Be prepared for a long talk. You might have to ditch her.

The quality of the sex is proportional to the quality of the relationship. Keep that in mind. It's a cyclical process, where a stronger relationship outside the bedroom improves the sex life in the bedroom, which in turn improves the relationship outside the bed room. A truly happy, stable relationship should improve over time. That means the sex should improve over time as well.

Not all long-term relationships follow that pattern though. If an older guy tells you that the sex will become stale as you settle down, his stale sex is indicative of other factors which negatively impact his sex life. Maybe he's not an alpha male. Maybe his girl is a bitch. Maybe they have trust issues and a rocky relationship. Maybe they've never learned to be good at sex while settling down together. Alternatively, maybe when two people get older, bodily functions might interfere with the sex.

In general, remember that sex in the long run should improve as the relationship improves.

Serial Monogamists

A serial monogamist is a person, male or female, who is almost constantly in an exclusive relationship, one relationship after another, with little to no time being single. Single can mean single with nobody else to fuck or date, or it can mean having one or more inexclusive relationships. The key indicator of a serial monogamist is near-constant exclusivity.

Serial monogamy is generally not something most people consider bad. In fact, some people might think it's somewhat cool to say that they're usually not single. There's hardly any social stigma against serial monogamy. However, it doesn't say anything good about them at all. As soon as you realize somebody's been in one relationship after another after another after another, you found a serial monogamist who might not realize her own problems.

The following list are the red flags to consider when you start seeing a serial monogamist. They are equally applicable to male serial monogamists too.

1) Serial monogamy can indicate emotional dependency on a relationship. The girl is not mature enough to handle her own problems and emotions. She constantly needs the support of somebody else. In a case like this, she likely won't support you when you need it. She can't. How can she provide emotional support to somebody else when she constantly needs it herself? Personally, I'd recommend you STAY AWAY from girls like this, even if they're only fuck buddies. They will introduce more unhappiness than it's worth.

2) Serial monogamy can diminish the significance of a relationship for the girl. A relationship is her norm. You are not special to her. Not because you're not special yourself. It's because a relationship with anybody isn't special, even if she insists otherwise. She likely will take you for granted and will actually never fully appreciate you. She's not in the relationship to make it work. She's in it because it's normal for her. Single is not normal. You're not Mr. Right. You're Mr. Right Now. Personally, I would allow a girl like this to be a fuck buddy of mine, at most. She's probably emotionally stable enough to be a regular girl in your rotation. I would NOT be interested in getting to know her as a person or friend at all.

3) Serial monogamy can indicate an unhealthy perspective on relationships. Many serial monogamists believe a relationship is the highest form of happiness. They believe everybody is entitled to love and romantic fulfillment. This is false. Although wanting a relationship is perfectly respectable, it's also not necessarily the ideal state. If you're below 30, a relationship is not something to strive for at all costs. It's something you choose to do when you have bandwidth for it. It doesn't impede your own personal goals. You should not be sacrificing too much for any relationship at that age. A serial monogamist with unhealthy relationship views might not have her own life goals aside from a relationship. Personally, I would STAY AWAY from girls like this. They'll likely create drama when they feel you're not being the boyfriend they want and expect.

4) Serial monogamists can become entitled. They've had so many boyfriends in the past. Their standards are high because of it. However, it's very likely that all of them have been beta males. So she's used to the boyfriend doing all the giving and herself doing all the taking. In an argument, she expects you to make 100% of the concessions. She won't go out of her way to make you happy or support you, as long as it's not convenient or easy or fun for her. She probably won't work for you in bed and try to sexually fulfill you. She's unable to comprehend a healthy relationship. She only knows a relationship where she gets what she wants while giving up nothing. She's unlikely to understand trade-offs or consequences. Spoiled, entitled serial monogamists are the worst. Like I recommended for most the other types of serial monogamists, I also recommend you STAY AWAY from these girls.

At this point, I must also say that there are exceptions. Some girls have a history of back-to-back boyfriends. As I said before, serial monogamy doesn't say anything good about the girl. However, if she has healthy relationship views, is ambitious with her own life, and is emotionally independent, then her track record of serial monogamy doesn't say anything bad about her either. Use your judgment to see if a serial monogamist is one of the few not-negative exceptions. However, I'd estimate it's usually not the case.

hello im new here. tnx for the idea but how can i do this?