Is "Having A Talk" to define a relationship a good idea?

I have been seeing a girl for about three months no more than once a week. She comes round and we have a lot of sex broken up with some food and TV, and she stays the night. We cuddle and get on okay, but don't go into massively deep rapport. In fact if we did have deep rapport I would probably want her as my GF and wouldn't be writing this. We don't do anything outside of this, and I've not felt the need to explicitly discuss "the nature of our relationship". Essentially I want it to be like it is now, i.e. almost totally sexual, and do not want to pursue a GF/BF situation. The other day she texted me saying that she'd like to spend New Year with me, which got my alarm bells ringing. Personally I would actually quite like to spend it having sex with her, which is possibly what she meant, but I was concerned that it would be sending "boyfriend" signals, so I made up something about being busy then, but there would be other chances to "let off fireworks", to which she responded positively and sexually. I felt weak about lying about it though.

Anyway, I've been turning over in my mind whether I should have or should in the future talk explicitly/hint heavily about not wanting to be in an exclusive relationship. I have a feeling that it would be based on my own neuroticism about the situation, and am not sure what good would come out of it, especially if I am putting an idea in her head that wasn't there in the first place. I think I've been ok in choosing prevention over cure, though I realise that some people advocate chucking the girl out straight after sex - that's not really my style though. Opinions on this would be appreciated - am I reading too much into her wanting to spend New Year's, have I been leading her on?

G.

Nah just keep it the way it is, if she emotionally escelates say no. It's that simple, you're in charge.

Spending new years with you is not a big deal if you enjoy her company. If you got better things to do say your out with your friends. It's that simple too.

You are looking way too deep into this imo.

You don't know what she wants, that is, unless you are psychic.

However, if she tells you she wants to do the boyfriend and girlfriend thing, then you should tell her what you want explicitly.

I'm with william on this, for all you know she just needs someone to kiss on that night and ur the guy she is most comfortable with, thats it.

Thanks for the feedback - must be something up with my email as I only just saw the replies. Frankly I don't have anything better to do on New Year's Eve - would it be lame to backtrack over my initial blow-out and suggest hooking up at this stage?

G.

An update on this situation. In the end I went back and spent NYE with this girl because I had a strong feeling that I was keeping my distance in the name of "game", playing it safe and keeping emotions at bay. We have been continuing the weekly sex sessions (now in a hotel as my mother is staying with me for the forseeable future, and the girl has a zillion flat mates).

Two weeks ago she brought up the idea of going on a weekend away together, to which I replied "I don't know about that". I also blew her off for Valentine's day - I was working, but still wouldn't have been keen. This was similar to the NYE experience, but Valentine's is so much more loaded that I didn't feel I could go through with it - also I am indifferent to NYE but actually anti-Valentine's day.

Then on our last meeting she said she wanted to go on a date. I was in a funny mood, so despite feeling that it still wasn't the right time yet, as she hadn't brought the issue up explicitly or very strongly, I used that to lever in mentioning that I wasn't after commitment or an exclusive relationship. My heart was pounding a bit too loudly in my ears with anxiety to gauge her response well, but she did during the course of the rest of the night say that she thought she needed an exclusive relationship and would have to think about whether she kept seeing me (but would like to see me while she thought about it), and that she liked me, which I reciprocated.

Well, I feel confused about this - certainly not particularly proud of myself for "finally doing the right thing". Part of me thinks it was still too soon, that I should have waited a la Daniel Rose until she was in "deep conversion". And I'm expecting that I will lose this girl soon. Like I said before in this thread, I don't really see her as a girlfriend, so why feel bad about it, you might ask. Don't know, but I do. Some kind of rejection/validation issues may have kicked in. Anyway, I am meeting her tomorrow for a "date", as I figure now that I've said what I did I don't need to be afraid of leading her on.

Any thoughts welcome...

G.