Group Field Report - Funny Stories from the Field

The Field - it's depressing, crazy, enlightening, and fun all at the same time.

Let's be honest, sarging can be brutal and really tough at times. I get burned out every now and then since I go out very frequently, but because I go out so much, I have so many ridiculous stories and hilarious things that just happen when I'm out.

I invite EVERYONE here to share in this thread some of the funniest stories they have from their nights out. This will keep everyone amused and keep the mood light.

I don't want to see sad stories, depressing and angry quips. I want to read people's hilarious over the top stories. I'll start with a few of my own,


AMOG FURY at Mai Tai's

Big Headed Mouse, Ron Chi, neo, and myself were sarging out in Long Beach for pure shits and giggles. I was still fairly new to LA and wanted to explore and have a blast. We went to Mai Tai's and at the end of the night, BHM was talking to a really hot girl, and I was talking to her friend.

While I was charming this girl, a huge stinky dude, double chin, fat and disgusting in his oversized Chicago Cubs shirt 12 sizes too large for him came up to me and bumped me, trying to talk to my girl. I immediately go into AMOG mode:

Ben: Hey man! What's your name? What do you do? What car do you drive? WOW YOU'RE SOOO COOL BRO!! Give me a sec!

I turn the girl's back to the guy and I'm getting her number. We're chatting and getting a little close. Fat man buts in:

Fatty: Hey man, that's my girlfriend.
*Girl looks at me stupified*

Ben: HEY BRO, I LIKE THAT SHIRT DID YOU GET THAT AT THE GAP!? *SLAP *SLAP *SLAP *SLAP

Fatty McGee is PISSED and walks away. I keep chatting up my girl and me and the boys head back to the car. As I walk past, I see fat boy looking at me. I approach him.

Ben: Yo man, you need some GAME and a DIET. She is NOT your girlfriend!

I'm a total asshole and I fucking love it.


Share your funny in-field stories!
Ben J

NO ONE has a funny story they want to share!?

One night I was out with G-Love, Nineteen, and fellow ABCs coach Tommy a long while back at Cellar. We were having fun, acting like fools, opening whatever sets were around. Tommy wasn't driving so he got pretty drunk. I still wasn't a coach and wasn't that good back then.

I remember at some point in the night seeing this beautiful Latina next to us dancing with her group of friends.

Tommy says to me, "Ask her if she is Brazilian!"

I immediately approach her in front of her friends and say, "Are you Brazilian?!" lol

She responds, "OMG! how did you know?"

I tell her something about having Brazilian features and how she's hot.

She tells me she's from San Diego.

Somehow I ended up isolating her to the bar. I BLP her to have her turn her back to her friends AND Tommy, G-Love, and Nineteen. At this moment I run out of things to say. lol. I didn't know how to convey sexuality at the time so we had a moment of PURE awkward silence. Now, although I couldn't project sexuality, I WAS good at body language. As far as Tommy, G-Love, and Nineteen could see, I was doing a good job. Haha. I refused to eject. I don't really know what I was thinking then but I was like, "I'm going to stay in the set as long as possible and see what happens."

She was getting bored. Then she starts making conversation and asking about me.

I'm thinking, "Allllright! I'm still in there!"

In the distance I see Tommy with a big ass smile and thumbs up!

At some point in the conversation I can tell she is totally not into me, but I had the feeling she was using me for something. As if she was trying to sell me something.

I'm thinking, "OH FUCK! What do I do? What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?"

I do a lame attempt at BTing her. I get desperate and start dancing like an idiot in front of her and I turn around and bend over and tell her to slap me on the ass. lol.

She doesn't.

I stop and it's more awkward silence.

My body language is still good so as far as everyone else can see in the club, I'm the man.

She buys me a drink.

I look at Tommy and the gang and they all look shocked with an "OH SNAP!!!" look.

I ask for her number.

Then she gives me a business card. She is in the Army and was trying to recruit me this whole time. LOL.

I take it, tell her it was a pleasure and walk back to my friends.

Nineteen says, "DAAAAAAAAMN, DUDE!"

And I go, "She's in the Army! She was trying to recruit me!"

G-Love says, "But she bought you a drink, didn't she?"

I laugh and say, "Yeah... I guess I did get a free drink out of it."

Me, Tommy, G-Love, and Nineteen continue to have fun for the rest of the night.

When we were outside and walking toward G-Love's car, we see that smokin' hot Brazilian chick again.

Tommy and his drunk ass goes, "Hey! Brazilian girl! You remember my friend Mike, right?! He's awesome! AND... A... REALLY... NICE... GUY!!!!! You'd really like him!"

She looks at me then back at Tommy and says, "oh.. uhh... yeah... hah hah (fake laugh) hah..." and power walks away with the rest of her friends.

I look at Tommy and say, "A nice guy?! A NICE GUY?!!! You might as well have told her I have no penis!!!" I said it so loud I'm pretty sure she heard it from the other block. OR she probably just heard "I have no penis!!!"

Tommy says, "Oh crap I'm sorry! I'm so drunk!"

We all laugh about it and get in the car.

I never heard from that woman again. lol.

When I first moved back to Dallas 6 months ago i went to Hotel ZaZa with a PUA from a local lair. It was the first time we met up so I knew nothing about him...

The place was a bit dead when we got there, so we were just chatting randomly to keep up our vibe. I wandered off a bit to talk to some other people and then saw my wing talking to some latinas. I went back to win him and he jokingly (or so I thought at the time) introduced me to the latina girl that he was talking to and said that they had slept with each other before. Given his seemingly-joking expression and the hearty laughter from the Latina chick, I thought it was a BT spike and just played along with it. He went away to talk to another girl in the same group, and i ended up talking to the Latina.

At one point, the girl became massively attracted towards me and I was slightly tipsy, so I used my k-close routine followed by Johnny Wolf's wolftrap. Throughout the whole time I was seducing this chick, my wing guy was standing right next to us looking at us...I didn't care and proceeded, I was thisssssss close to kissing her (I knew she wanted to) until the guy whispered in my ears that they really did date before!! Awwww shieettt!!!

Awkwardness ensued between me, him, and the girl... all three of us just stared at each other, not speaking a single word. Finally, I broke the silence and said "heyyy cheers!!!" and then walked away. Me, being the well-mannered person that i am, did not want to encroach upon his chick, especially as he was the one who introduced me to her.

Actually, now that i think about it, it was more awkward than funny. Mod, please don't delete my post.

One time a couple of friends of mine came into the city for a weekend. Naturally, as full-blooded americans are, they wanted to go out for a night on the town. My friend's cousin, whom I had never met before, soon proved to be a raging alcoholic, and literally rammed shot after shot after shot down our throats. We literally bounced from bars to bars, repeating this process. Soon afterwards, I finally decided I had enough of this BS and wanted to run some game in this sparsely attended bar we were at. I vaguely remember approaching these 2 indian chicks and ran my standard 2-set opener, which naturally in my plastered drunken state fizzled out immediately. Unfazed, I made another loop around the bar, and found yet ANOTHER 2-set of indian girls. Ecstatic about my fortuitous luck, I opened them as cheerfully as well, albeit slurred also. Immediately one of the girls says, "umm, you just talked to us a second ago with the exact same line." Umm, Yikes. to this, I think i retorted back, "ohhh. really? well did my line work the 2nd time around?" Based on the looks on their faces, from what I remember, they were not very impressed. From there I laughed myself silly, and went back to my bros. And then i ended up waking the next morning with easily one of my top 5 hangovers of all time. so that was really fun.

I thought this is pretty hilarious. My friends nearly died when I told them though...

So, readers.. BEWARE


3-set on my left, behind us, 2 blondes 1 brunette, all 9's. I was with 2 of my wings muse & CB, just walking down the street

I run up a little bit, turn around 20 feet from the girls. But, I got completely BLOCKED off by these 3 guys. One raised up his hand to stop me, told me I looked super cayuuute, told me they were going to grab some coffee around the corner and asked if I wanted to join them.

(in my head.... WTF? Is this GUY... HITTING ON... ME!?)
I was fashionably edgy at the time, but I'm pretty sure nothing I was wearing had the stamp "GAY" on it.
Brown shoes. Dark blue jeans. Gray shirt. Ring. & Necklace.

I politely tell him no. *By then, the girls had already walked away*
I return to my wings, they smirk and asked me how that 3-set was. SMH...

At the W a few nights ago, I saw a girl I had talked to earlier on her phone getting hit on by some black guy twice my size. I texted her:

"How's that guy treatin' ya? "

She looked at me and laughed super hard. I went over and started hugging my girl. The guy immediately goes into asshole mode:

AMOG: oh, so this is your little boyfriend?
Me: I'm black from the waist down
AMOG: You look Asian to me. You don't need to try so hard!
Me: Why not? It seems like it's working for you.

The girl is laughing and she's falling into my arms. She gives me a looong kiss on the cheek. The AMOG is completely destroyed. I turn my girl's back to him and my girl and I continue to flirt. I end up lifting her into the air and her FAT FRIEND comes over and plays chaperone. I introduce fatty to the AMOG.

OH SHIT THIS THREAD IS AWESOME!

I was at Circle. Hooked a really cute Asian girl. But she was with her exboyfriend who was still obsessed with her. The exboyfriend saw me dancing with this girl and got PISSED. He even tried shoving me a few times. The exboyfriend was causing a lot of drama. The girl apologized to me and left to sort it out. They were talking very seriously and for a long time. Occasionally, she'd go to the bar and get a drink. She'd apologize again to me each time she walked back to her exboyfriend. "Sorry, I'll be right back," she kept saying. I really liked this girl. She was still into me. So rather than gaming other girls, I just waited for her. I trusted she'd be back for me.

That turned out to be a bad decision. Eventually, the exboyfriend emerged holding the girl's hand. He leered at me, as if he just beat me in a fistfight and I was an adversary he wanted to beat for years. He pulls the girl in for a very dramatic, emotional hug. He plants a disgustingly wet kiss on her cheek, with his back to me. The girl and I make eye contact over his shoulder.

I just shrug and go to dance with my backup girl. The exboyfriend walks through the dance floor as if he's a king. But when he sees me dancing with another girl right after his "victory" against me, he's knocked off his throne and into disbelief.

You go cry after your exgirlfriend, dude. I have mad options. You don't!

I have 2!

One is during prom dinner with a bunch of my friends and we looked GREAT. (50/50 guy/girl ratio).
So we ran out of bread. Bleh! They tasted bomb as fuuuuck! I like their bread. So what I did was, I slow walked all the way into the kitchen area of the restaurant, nobody stopped me, grabbed two basket of bread and walked back out.

On the way out, I was stopped by a waitress asking me if I was a new face. I told her yes and that my friends and I are celebrating me getting a job right over there (pointing to our table) and that's why they're all dressed in tuxes and dresses.
It was so stupid that when I came back to my table, everyone busted up and asked me wtf I was doing!

And the 2nd one

So, there's this super hot asian chick. The only hot one in our school in my grade. Long story behind it, she's friends with my friends.

I see her, kino turn, and ask her to dance nonverbally. She edged away.
All night long, I kept dancing with all of her friends, usually grinding with me sandwiched in between two girls. The look on her face each time I turn around to look over at her was so desperately longing to dance with me. But I ignored her and she danced with one of my tall white friends who had a thing for asians.
Funny thing was - she couldn't dance.

Oh and a 3rd story

At some point in the same evening, there was a circle where guys went in to show off their dance moves.
I can't dance hip-hop like them. So I decide, fuck it! I'm gonna do something I know that no one at prom dares to do.

I went in the circle. Stood poker-straight and silenced everyone and made them wait for me to dance.
New song popped on and I started the macarena! You know, right arm out left arm out, flip your right hand, flip your left hand, etc.
Everyone was staring like wtf. then started laughing like hyenas!

That's my prom story

I got a funny story from the field.


A guy and a girl were walking towards me as I was walking towards them. I noticed they weren't holding hands.

Me - Hey! stop. You *pointing towards the girl* are very pretty. I'm LAPB, who might you be?
Her - I'm So&so. *BF stands there, looking dazed*
Me - I hate to ask, but are you guys together?
Her - Yeah, we are
Me - Then why aren't you holding hands??
Her/Him - Shrug/Idk. Start touching fingers.
Me - *Grab both of their hands, held them up, and slapped them together* LIKE THIS.
Her *smiles at me brightly*, Him *still looks dazed*
Me - *fix the guy's shirt* Now you look better bro.*pat the guy's back* Good luck. & cuff yo' chick!

Walked away laughing at how he simply stood by as I hit on his girl, Dictate what he does, then Dictate how he dresses, then give him advice. Poor fella