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 Post subject: FR # 5 & LR # 1 - Made out with hot blonde
PostPosted: 23 Jun 2011, 05:24 
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Rewind a little more than two weeks to June 3rd, both my birthday and first day of bootcamp. On that night, I met this Tall Blonde thanks to the Asian Playboy inviting me into the set. JT – I know you had your eyes on her and instead winged for me by chatting up her friend in the smoking booth. Much obliged for jumping on the grenade.

She’s 5’10” (the tallest girl I’ve ever dated since I’m 5’11”), with supermodel legs, a solid C-cup and weighs about 125lbs. Her skin is a little pale but not to where you’d be nervous taking her out in the sun. She’s stable, drives a convertible and is currently attending business school. Doesn’t smoke or do drugs.

I took this girl out tonight to a small bar near her house in Pasadena. Again, this was a place I scouted out on Yelp and made sure there was lounge seating so we could sit next to one another. The venue was called Bar Celona.

I knew from the first conversation when I picked her up that her giggly nature and my humor would make it nearly impossible for the BT to wane. We had fun just busting each other’s balls over dumb shit.

Afterwards, we slowly walked to the car and she invited me to come into her house before we even started driving there.

We arrive and plop onto the couch. Here I realize logistics may very well throw a wrench in closing.

First off, she has a medium-sized dog that snorts as it breathes. Ever heard a hog oinking? Same sound. Doesn’t exactly set the mood for sex. On top of that, he kept dragging his balls against the carpet right in front of us. Even came over to me and farted horribly loud when I scratched his ears.

Blonde girl and I were laughing pretty hard at this point.

Second, she apparently lives with Mom. She was sound asleep one thin door away, assuming the farting pig-dog didn’t keep her up. F Close wasn’t happening.

Next we end up looking through a book entitled “OMG! Guys: How to Survive 101 of the Most F'ed Dating Situations” which she got for her recent birthday. Big mistake!

Some stuff was funny, but then it just turned into men-bashing humor, like “What to do when the date ended 3 hours ago but he won’t leave” or “Whether to have sex on the first date”. It read like an article by a womens’ dating columnist. Had to change it up - I refuse to be cock-blocked by a damn book.

It worked.

It was 3am at this point and time to head out.

We’re in each others arms and I noticed, almost in slow motion, a window open to kiss. Went for it. We made out for a while. Paused to let the dog out. Then made out some more before I was on my merry way back to Santa Monica.

Yes, I may have been able to weasel my way into staying some how. But I made enough progress with this one to be happy with results.

I also have plenty of reassurance there will be a sequel since I received a drive safe text. Girls who don’t want to see you again don’t usually ask if you made it home okay.

My errors: CT’s were sporadic, I could’ve kiss closed before we got back to her place, storytelling still needs work, I need to carry GasX in my pocket.

My goal from this: never end a date without reaching a k close

Plans for the sequel: have her come out to Santa Monica and eliminate dog and Mom logistics issues

Image


Last edited by The_Jester on 07 Jul 2011, 02:20, edited 1 time in total.


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 Post subject: LR # 1
PostPosted: 07 Jul 2011, 01:56 
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This was the second date with her. We agreed to have dinner at my place around 8pm. Usually I like to have it a little later, but made a slight compromise with her since I know she has options.

Some friends in the community have explained that hotter women oftentimes require unique experiences to engrave the date in their memories. I think this can certainly be applicable on first dates, but not always from the second forward.

Since we already made out and she openly confessed to recently having a casual fling with someone, I added those facts to her busy schedule and decided if we’re going to hook up, why not just minimize all of the preliminary bullshit and stay at my place?

She arrives looking gorgeous and we walk up to my apartment and begin cooking.

I pop some dessert wine and we eat.

Eventually we make our way to the couch and flirt for a bit. She gets comfortable and we begin making out. My hand makes its way to the Vajay-jay.

Clothes start coming off and I get head. This is when I realize this could end up being a disaster. Although this girl has amazing oral talent, I’m not fully hard. She starts talking to my dick, giving it a voice, and making a joke out of it.
What’s wrong little guy?
Nothing, I’m just not in the mood
What if I kiss your left side instead?

I’m laughing my ass off.

I grab her, carry her into the bedroom and finger her to completion. Then she warms me up enough for a few thrusts and the soldier is done.

What the fuck do you say? Sorry? Better luck next time? How about this weather?

I look her in the eye and said “If I had a Halmark card for this, I’d give it to you”.

If my dick was an athlete, he’d be in the Special Olympics - but unlike the actual competitors, my dick won't even drool on himself.

This was a pathetic F Close. If J.T. or Ozzie was the Referee, they’d probably disqualify me.

So I may have lost this chick for such a shitty performance. I got mine, but man…. I can’t boast about this. It’s like saying “Check out my killer tattoo, I got it in a Federal Prison.

If any ABC Members got some Cialis or Viagra lying around, PM me. This trend has gotta stop or else I’m getting a dick transplant.



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WRITING YOUR OWN JOKES MADE EASY

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 Post subject: Re: FR # 5 & LR # 1 - Made out with hot blonde
PostPosted: 07 Jul 2011, 07:52 
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I was gonna say I'm jealous that you got the blonde I originally opened, but after laughing my ass off at her oral antics, i think you got your just desserts ;)

Do you think it had anything to do with the amount of alcohol you had?



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 Post subject: Re: FR # 5 & LR # 1 - Made out with hot blonde
PostPosted: 07 Jul 2011, 08:07 
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Hmm... The primary action of alcohol is increasing blood volume, which in turn causes higher blood pressure. The pressure exerted by the incoming blood expands the penis, thereby creating an erection. The state lasts till the excessive liquid has been removed from the blood by way of urine. Thus, in theory, alcohol consumption should assist erection and not cause erectile dysfunction. Though I should note that intoxication is by no means a cure for erectile dysfunction - no one should be too drunk for sex or wake up the next day not remembering any of it. A bit of alcohol should help though, because alcohol acts as a sedative and may also help curb performance anxiety that is a major cause of erectile dysfunction.


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 Post subject: Re: FR # 5 & LR # 1 - Made out with hot blonde
PostPosted: 07 Jul 2011, 13:05 
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@Raigon, Google "Whiskey Dick"



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 Post subject: Re: FR # 5 & LR # 1 - Made out with hot blonde
PostPosted: 07 Jul 2011, 14:10 
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This has nothing to do with alcohol. Half a glass of wine isn't going to cause Whiskey Dick.

I'll get the treatment end, if any, handled. Just thought I'd share the laughs I had from it all.

Until this is resolved, I'll probably go to the Hustler store and buy a prosthetic.



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WRITING YOUR OWN JOKES MADE EASY

LR #1 (penis puppet story)

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 Post subject: Re: FR # 5 & LR # 1 - Made out with hot blonde
PostPosted: 08 Jul 2011, 03:00 
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I don't think excessive alcohol (i.e. "I was drunk/buzzed" or "man were we wasted") was implied in the post, though we'd actually have to be there to know. But J.T.'s right, excessive anything, actually, can cause erectile dysfunction, as well as any number of reasons. In fact, it could possibly not even stem from a medical problem. Most males, at some point in their lives, will have difficulty getting or keeping an erection. This is very normal. Sometimes they could just be idiopathic (for causes we don't know of).

But to make sure it's not a medical problem, do any of the following below ring a bell?

1. Physical causes:
Do you have any heart or vascular conditions?
Are you on any medications?
Do you have diabetes?
Have you recently had your prostate gland removed for cancer or other previous surgical procedures?
Peyronie's disease? (abnormal bend in the penis that occurs during erection)
Do you take illicit drugs? (Steroids, for example, can decrease performance) Do you smoke?
Do you have a healthy diet? Do you exercise regularly?
Do you know of any congenital deficiencies (anything you're born with)?

2. Psychogenic causes:
Do you have any anxiety from work or school?
Is there anything you're particularly stressed about?
Do you have any guilt about sex (from religion, family, culture, past experiences)?
Are you fatigued?
Sexual problems are often rooted in relationship problems (power, trust, intimacy), do you think you weren't there yet?
Do you have the right feelings about your partner?
Have you had or do you think you're under depression?
Sexual situation: place, time, person…are they right?
Any anxiety about performance or size from past experiences?

Erectile Dysfunction is actually quite complex and can be both psychological and physical and can definitely come from an interaction of both. If any of the above strike a cord or ring a bell with you, then I definitely agree that you may want to get it checked out. If none of the above is a problem and this situation persists for several months, I would also seek medical advice as I'm not sure what the reason would be. Otherwise, it's nothing. It may not be anything at all. Like you said, post it, share your experiences, have a few laughs, and don't worry about it. It's usually nothing serious unless it's been persisting for months or a year without stop

Hope that helps. Again, I understand and respect your privacy, so if you're not comfortable with posting some of the responses, you don't have to. Alternatively, you can send me a PM, though I live in Adelaide so I'm not sure if I know any therapists in California - wish I could, though. We med students can sometimes swipe the best doctors because we know them personally. =)


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 Post subject: Re: FR # 5 & LR # 1 - Made out with hot blonde
PostPosted: 08 Jul 2011, 04:53 
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Raigon, it's thoughtful of you to elect yourself as the official Penile Doctor of the forum, but as I mentioned in my last post: I'll get the treatment end, if any, handled. Just thought I'd share the laughs I had from it all.

My threads are a test for ya. See if you can resist posting any medical or logical remedies and just recognize when it's supposed to be a joke. Maybe even work your humor muscles a bit and add to the punchline. Because if you're this logical during a chat with a girl, it's game over. :(



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WRITING YOUR OWN JOKES MADE EASY

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 Post subject: Re: FR # 5 & LR # 1 - Made out with hot blonde
PostPosted: 08 Jul 2011, 09:21 
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The_Jester wrote:
Raigon, it's thoughtful of you to elect yourself as the official Penile Doctor of the forum, but as I mentioned in my last post: I'll get the treatment end, if any, handled. Just thought I'd share the laughs I had from it all.

My threads are a test for ya. See if you can resist posting any medical or logical remedies and just recognize when it's supposed to be a joke. Maybe even work your humor muscles a bit and add to the punchline. Because if you're this logical during a chat with a girl, it's game over. :(


Haha, that's so true. My apologies for being a "dickhead". I just finished my exams and everything's buzzing in my head, so apologies for being a big overly logical. Vacation's halfway over and I'm still not in vacation mode. Bleh.

I lack normal skills needed to socialize with women. Why do you think I'm taking the bootcamp in the first place? Lol. But seriously, can anyone recommend a bootcamp that teaches you common sense? I need it. Really, it's becoming a problem. :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: FR # 5 & LR # 1 - Made out with hot blonde
PostPosted: 08 Jul 2011, 12:16 
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No worries buddy. I've had plenty of moments where I go off on rants.

Let this lesson be: every social situation, whether it be on a forum with a guy who has a malfunctioning dick or in person with an HB10, gives you practice



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WRITING YOUR OWN JOKES MADE EASY

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