FR #4: Happy Hour Frustration... and first ever kiss close!

I'm taking a nap in my office when two of my coworkers walk in. "We're going to happy hour, and you're coming with!"

Still groggy, I can't protest, and besides, I'm feeling like going out tonight. We leave, and I decide right then that I'm going to exercise some of my skills tonight. Once we get to the venue, however, AA starts to take over. It doesn't help that my (all male) AFC coworkers are standing around in a circle talking to each other. We point out HBs to each other, but none of them are approaching.

I finally screw up the nerve to approach a mixed set at the bar--an HB6, HB8, and a guy. I start with the guy, who's friendly enough, but when I ask him to introduce me to his friends, he actually says, "No way." Shrugging it off, I introduce myself to the girls, we strike up a conversation. We talk about how they know each other, and then I tease them gently about the tequila shots they just took. They laugh and say they might take some with me later. A great song comeson, and I start dancing and singing the words back and forth with HB6. Suddenly, just as I think the set's hooking, they evaporate off without so much as a "bye!". I'm so flabbergasted, I don't know what to do.

We grab some chow and head to the next venue, much more of a night game venue. I immediately spot an HB9 standing by the bar--a tall, skinny brunette. (For those are following my FRs... yes, I have a type. Don't we all?) I screw my nerves together, walk away from my coworkers, kino turn her, and open direct:

Me: Hi, excuse me, but you're absolutely gorgeous. I spotted you from across the bar and had to come introduce myself.
HB: Aw, gee, thanks!
(I introduce myself to her friends.)
Me: So, what are you all doing out tonight?
HB: We're law students, and we're just out celebrating before things get really crazy.
Me: Hmm, wait. The semester just started--what could be getting crazy?

Big mistake. Should have gone with a small BT spike or something more affirmatory. Instead, the set slams shut, and the group literally dissipates like a bomb has gone off. I'm kind of stunned by this rejection, and my coworkers give me crap about it when I get back to them.

They're still not opening any sets. I'm kind of sulking over this last rejection, made worse by the fact that the girl's now talking to some douchebag and making fuck-me eyes at him. The "what the fuck does he have that I don't?" feeling of self-pity starts to creep in.

Then, one of the girls in the next booth turns and asks my coworker a question about the menu. The groups a 5-set, a cute girl with glasses and her four South Asian friends. At that exact moment, the shot girl solicits us for more shots at that exact moment; we tell the shot girl we're not game, but that the 5-set might be. We see the girls order two shots apiece. I know I'm in.

Approach & Attract -- I walk up to them and open by talking about the shot girl's shots. It's immediately clear they're buying my high-energy approach. Taking a page from the Day Game book, I kneel down by their booth to get to eye level. (Thanks, Ozzie!)

BT, Be in the moment -- Turns out they're college students visiting town on a DC exchange program. I talk to them about great local spots, play the knowledgeable local. We banter a bit about college, being tourists, etc. At this point, I've fixated on Glasses as my target. Thankfully, she's sitting on the outside of the booth closest to me, so I direct all of my kino her way.

Comfort, Compliance, Connect -- As challenging as it is to compliance test Glasses from a sitting position, I find ways to do it anyway. I do the classic "picture this" with my arm around her shoulder, some verbal challenges. She passes.

Dominance, Direct Intent, Disqualify -- So finally, I say, "So, are you girls going to dance?"

"Maybe," one of the friends says. "But we need someone to dance with."

I look Glasses straight in the eye. "Well, do you dance?"

"Sometimes."

"Come on," I say. "We're going. I want you to dance with me." I hold out my hand. She follows. Compliance passed with flying colors. We get to the dance floor, and it's packed. We have no choice but to be dancing right up on each other. She's not stopping me. I start talking more compliance to her--I throw out some family, future aspirations, experienced man stories. A bit of light teasing, BT spikes to keep the energy level up a bit. I disqualify a bit with some basketball anecdotes. ("Well, it's clear your brother--who goes to Pitt--and I (I went to Georgetown) can't be friends.")

Evaluate, Escalate -- We're dancing closer now, she's letting me touch her hair, neck, cheek. I brush my lips over her neck--no resistance--and finally go up her cheek until we're touching noses. I consider just going for the kiss, but I feel obligated to throw out something.

"You're thinking about kissing me, aren't you?" No response. I go for it. She doesn't stop me.

First. Ever. Kiss. Close. I'm doing a little dance inside; playing it cool outside.

Future, Fun -- We dance for a few more minutes, then I tell her that I should get her back to her friends. She agrees, a little too quickly, I think. We swap phone numbers before leaving the dance floor, and I promise to call her before she leaves town.

Lessons Learned
1. Persistence pays--this is an INNER game. Don't let a few bad sets throw you out of state. (Yes, easier said than done.)
2. Direct intent and dominance are the ways to go. Yes, direct openers can get you shot down if you don't do them right. But being dominant, unhesitant--that will always yield results.
3. Find good wingpeople. Nothing is tougher than going out with guys who won't even start an approach.
4. Be picky. Don't just take targets of opportunity. Need to work on this.

Whats up Dave? Great job man!

I'm really glad to hear about your first Kiss close. The first one you get is always a little magical and definitely a big Huzzah!

Keep in mind that it's completely normal to feel AA. Everyone, including the gurus get a little bit of AA every now and then, so don't worry about it. It's natural. I know you're frustrated with that law school girl giving Sir D-Bag "Bang me" eyes, but that happens too. Remember that you're going to fail more than you succeed. If you want to double your rate of success, you have to double your rate of failure. Ass backwards yes, but it's the truth.

Looking at your lessons learned, there's a little something I feel comes over me when I sarge, and I personally like to call it "set vision," where you scan the room for a brief moment, see all the sets, and then fire in. I find this good when starting out, but I understand your desire to be picky. Set vision can be a bad thing because it can cause you to barrel into sets like a shotgun, rather than the calm, cool, and collected sniper. Analyze what situation you're in, find which girl you will most likely have success with and/or is most attractive, and then execute your plan.

I'm really happy for you Dave, I'm super happy that you're seeing more success with this. Keep up the good work!

Ben J

Best intro ever!





Don't ask to be introduced to women via the guy. Try turning to the girls and saying " Oh, how rude of me I didn't even introduce myself, My name is Dave C, you guys are?"

Then don't leave the guy hanging or it will be obvious you are after the HBs.




Good Catch.



Welcome.




SWEEEEEETTT!